Emotional Sobriety refers to the deep inner work, the emotional work an individual must do, once they stop drinking or using drugs. This is the work of learning to self-regulate emotions, to expand our emotional responses from a limited range of withdrawal, sadness, depression and anger. The reason most people started drinking or using drugs was in an attempt to self-medicate to deal with the underlying issues of anxiety, stress, trauma, and so on. In recovery, when their substance of choice is taken away from them, they are still left to deal with their issues.
Emotional Sobriety is a term coined by Bill Wilson, the co-founder of AA, and it is used often in 12-step communities.
1. Letting go of Resentment and Jealousy
When people come out clean and sober, they find that they have come face to face with issues like trust, heartbreak, anger and resentment. One of the biggest signs of emotional sobriety is being at peace with oneself. A person at peace with themselves is also at peace with the world.
2. Dealing with Strong Euphoric or Sad Emotions
People in recovery are familiar with the term, triggers, which create really high or low emotions such as euphoria or grief in addicts and alcoholics. These triggers lead them to reach out to drinks or drugs to de-escalate their emotions. When one has emotional sobriety it means they have learned different coping skills to deal with their emotions.
3. Making Decisions without Unduly Influenced by Emotions
In the world of addiction, emotions lead people through their every decision, sometimes to the point of not being able to function properly. Not being a prisoner of their emotions, and being able to make healthy decisions without being led by their emotions is a sign of emotional sobriety.
4. Being Certain of One’s Own Values and Beliefs
Something that is commonly seen during early recovery is that an individual cannot stand up against societal pressure. Having a goal of being like a mountain, not affected by the storms or the weather patterns is a good goal to have for emotional sobriety.
5. Being able to Enjoy Life as a Sober Person
Before going into recovery, many people fear that their life is over when they get sober. In early recovery, there is a lot of guilt and shame, whether it is themselves in recovery, or their loved ones. When someone is able to say that recovery is a gift, and that it has helped them become a better person, it is a sign of emotional sobriety.
6. Not Having the Need to be Right
Many people going into recovery might have a self-righteous justification about why they can’t trust others, or why their relationship broke down, or why they are drinking or doing drugs. It is a great sign of emotional sobriety to recognize that choosing to be happy is better than choosing to be right in a relationship.
7. Not being Controlled by Others’ Opinions
Self-criticism, being hard on themselves, or fearing criticism from others is a tough place to be. It can often lead to dishonesty with themselves and with others. Developing self-esteem is a huge step in not being controlled by other people’s opinions, and is sign of emotional sobriety.
8. Being able to Move Freely Between Different Emotional States
Everyone wears different hats in their life, of a child, a spouse, a parent, an employee, a coworker, and so on. Having strong core values allows them to wear those different hats and still stay emotionally strong, which is a sign of emotional sobriety.
9. Deriving Pleasure from Helping Others
When a person is trying to get clean and sober, they go in thinking or asking what’s in it for them. It is a journey of recovery to go from this state to a place where they can derive genuine and healthy pleasure from helping others without the thought of a reward in money, position, or station.
10. Staying Present During Hardship and Pleasure
One of the characteristics of people struggling with addiction is that their mind goes anywhere but stay in the present moment, because the present moment can be too overwhelming for them to handle. Good or bad, if a person is able to sit in the present moment, sit with themselves without having to distract themselves is a solid sign of emotional sobriety.
Emotional Sobriety is a Journey. Take the First Step
Taking the first step towards emotional sobriety can be scary, but at Buckeye Recovery Network we strongly believe that every person is capable of making progress on their journey. We are committed to helping and supporting those who are struggling with addiction, as well as their families, to learn to become healthy, happy individuals and families. Call us now with your questions, and we can help you take the right next step.
