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Celebrities Who Overcame Addiction: Inspirational Stories of Recovery

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, you’re not alone. Addiction is a powerful and complex condition that can affect anyone, regardless of their background or status. In this article, we will delve deeper into the remarkable stories of several well-known celebrities who have successfully battled addiction and emerged stronger and sober. These stories are not just tales of personal triumph but also powerful reminders that recovery is possible for anyone willing to seek help and commit to the journey.

1. Robert Downey Jr.: A Remarkable Turnaround

  • Robert Downey Jr. is one of the most iconic actors of his generation, but he battled substance abuse for many years.
  • His addiction to drugs and alcohol led to legal troubles and a tarnished reputation.
  • The turning point in his life came when he sought professional help and entered rehabilitation.
  • With unwavering determination and the support of loved ones, he emerged from the depths of addiction, rebuilding his career, and becoming an inspiration for many.

2. Demi Lovato: From Rock Bottom to Resilience

  • Demi Lovato’s struggles with addiction and mental health have been widely publicized.
  • She reached rock bottom when her addiction spiraled out of control, leading to hospitalization.
  • Demi’s journey to recovery involved seeking professional help and embracing sobriety and self-care.
  • She has since become a vocal advocate for mental health awareness, inspiring countless individuals to seek help and prioritize their well-being.

3. Eminem: Overcoming Demons Through Music

  • Eminem’s turbulent relationship with drugs and alcohol was a central theme in his music and personal life.
  • The power of music played a significant role in his recovery, as he channeled his struggles into his art.
  • He stayed committed to sobriety, proving that even in the high-pressure world of the music industry, recovery is possible.
  • Eminem continues to inspire others through his music by sharing his experiences and messages of hope.

4. Drew Barrymore: A Journey of Redemption

  • Drew Barrymore’s early exposure to fame and fortune contributed to her early start with addiction.
  • Her addiction issues led to erratic behavior and personal setbacks.
  • Seeking treatment and finding support were pivotal in her recovery journey.
  • She successfully rebuilt her career and life post-recovery, serving as an example of resilience and determination.

5. Bradley Cooper: A Story of Transformation

  • Bradley Cooper’s U platform to promote addiction recovery awareness and encourage others to seek help.
  • He struggled with alcohol addiction before achieving fame.
  • The role of rehab and therapy played a significant part in his recovery.
  • Bradley has used his platform to promote addiction recovery awareness and encourage others to seek help.

These celebrities have not only reclaimed their lives but also become advocates for addiction recovery, shedding light on the importance of seeking help and staying committed to the journey of sobriety.

Designation

Addiction can affect anyone, regardless of their status or background. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, remember that help is available, and recovery is attainable. The stories of these celebrities demonstrate that addiction does not discriminate, and with the right support and determination, anyone can overcome it. Buckeye Recovery, located in beautiful Huntington Beach, CA, is a leading outpatient addiction treatment center. Our mission is to provide comprehensive and personalized addiction treatment services to help individuals regain control of their lives and achieve lasting recovery.

Call Buckeye Recovery Today!

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, don’t hesitate to reach out to Buckeye Recovery. Our compassionate team is here to guide you on your path to recovery. Contact us today to learn more about our addiction treatment programs and take the first step toward a healthier, addiction-free life.

FAQ's

We offer a range of outpatient addiction treatment programs, including individual counseling, group therapy, medication-assisted treatment, and more. Our team will tailor a program to meet your specific needs.

We accept a variety of insurance plans. Please contact our admissions team to discuss your insurance coverage and payment options.

The duration of treatment varies depending on individual needs. Our team will work with you to develop a personalized treatment plan that aligns with your recovery goals.

Tramadol: Understanding, Risks, and Recovery

Welcome to Buckeye Recovery, your trusted partner on the journey to addiction recovery. Whether you’re seeking information about Tramadol or grappling with Tramadol addiction yourself or for a loved one, this comprehensive guide will provide you with a deep understanding of Tramadol, its uses, potential risks, and the vital steps to recovery.

Understanding Tramadol

Tramadol, a prescription medication, falls under the category of opioid analgesics. It’s typically prescribed to manage moderate to severe pain resulting from various conditions, including post-surgical discomfort, chronic pain conditions like osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia, and pain associated with cancer or dental procedures.

Tramadol functions by binding to opioid receptors in the brain, which alters the perception of pain, providing relief. It’s available in different forms, such as immediate-release tablets, extended-release tablets, and capsules. This variability in presentation allows healthcare professionals to tailor treatment to each patient’s specific needs.

The Importance of Responsible Use

Responsible use of Tramadol is crucial to prevent potential risks and adverse effects. Here are some key points to consider:

  • Prescription Requirement: Tramadol is a prescription medication, and it should only be used under the supervision of a qualified healthcare provider who can assess your pain condition and monitor your progress.
  • Dosage and Duration: Follow your healthcare provider’s prescribed dosage and duration precisely. Do not increase or decrease the dosage without their guidance.
  • Monitoring: Regularly check in with your healthcare provider to ensure the medication is effectively managing your pain and that you are not experiencing any concerning side effects.

Risks and Side Effects:

While Tramadol can be effective for pain management, it’s essential to be aware of potential risks and side effects:

  • Addiction Potential: Tramadol carries a risk of addiction, especially when used improperly or for extended periods. Individuals with a history of substance abuse or addiction may be more susceptible.
  • Physical and Psychological Dependence: Prolonged use of Tramadol can lead to both physical and psychological dependence, making it difficult to stop using the medication even when it’s no longer medically necessary.
  • Common Side Effects: Some common side effects of Tramadol include nausea, vomiting, constipation, dizziness, drowsiness, and a feeling of euphoria.
  • Serious Side Effects: While rare, Tramadol can cause severe side effects, such as seizures, serotonin syndrome (characterized by symptoms like agitation, hallucinations, rapid heartbeat), and allergic reactions. Seek immediate medical attention if you experience any of these symptoms.

Seeking Help for Tramadol Addiction

Tramadol addiction is a serious concern that requires professional assistance. At Buckeye Recovery, we understand the complexities of addiction and offer comprehensive outpatient addiction treatment programs to address Tramadol addiction effectively.

Our addiction treatment services include:

  • Medical Detoxification: Safely manage withdrawal symptoms under medical supervision.
  • Individual Counseling: Explore the underlying causes of addiction and develop coping strategies.
  • Group Therapy: Connect with others facing similar challenges and receive support in a group setting.
  • Relapse Prevention: Learn techniques to prevent relapse and build a strong foundation for recovery.
  • Aftercare: Continue receiving support and guidance as you transition back into daily life.

Contact Buckeye Recovery Today!

If you or someone you know is struggling with Tramadol addiction, take the first step towards recovery today. Contact Buckeye Recovery to access our compassionate and effective addiction treatment services. Our experienced team is dedicated to helping you regain control of your life and achieve lasting recovery.

FAQ's

Tramadol should only be used under the guidance of a healthcare professional and for the prescribed duration. Long-term use can lead to dependence and addiction.

If you miss a dose, take it as soon as you remember. However, if it’s close to your next scheduled dose, skip the missed dose and continue with your regular dosing schedule.

It’s essential to taper off Tramadol gradually under the supervision of a healthcare provider to minimize withdrawal symptoms and potential complications.

Yes, there are alternative pain management options available, such as non-opioid pain relievers, physical therapy, and other medications. Consult your healthcare provider to explore these alternatives.

Signs of Tramadol addiction may include increased tolerance, cravings, withdrawal symptoms when not using the drug, neglect of responsibilities, and continued use despite negative consequences. If you or someone you know exhibits these signs, seek help immediately.

Top Foods to Support Your Meth Detox Journey

Embarking on the path to recovery from meth addiction is a courageous and life-changing decision. At Buckeye Recovery, an outpatient addiction treatment center in Huntington Beach, CA, we are dedicated to supporting you every step of the way. One crucial element of your recovery journey is proper nutrition, which plays a significant role in helping your body heal during the detoxification process. In this comprehensive guide, we will delve deeper into the top foods that can assist you during your meth detox journey, offering you a detailed understanding of their benefits and the impact they can have on your recovery.

The Importance of Proper Nutrition During Meth Detox

Before we explore specific foods, it’s essential to understand why proper nutrition is crucial during meth detoxification. Methamphetamine abuse can have a detrimental impact on your physical and mental health. During detox, your body is working hard to eliminate toxins and regain its equilibrium. Nutrient-rich foods play a vital role in this process by providing essential vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants that support your body’s healing mechanisms.

Hydration and Detox:

Hydration is the cornerstone of any detoxification process. Adequate water intake helps flush out toxins from your system, making it essential during meth detox. Herbal teas, such as chamomile and ginger tea, not only contribute to hydration but also provide soothing properties to help you manage the discomfort of withdrawal.

The Power of Fruits:

Incorporating a variety of fruits into your diet can provide you with a wide range of benefits. Citrus fruits like oranges and grapefruits are rich in vitamin C, which can boost your immune system and assist in toxin removal. Berries such as strawberries and blueberries are packed with antioxidants, helping to reduce oxidative stress on your body. Melons like watermelon and cantaloupe are hydrating and provide essential nutrients.

Leafy Greens and Liver Health:

Leafy greens like spinach, kale, and Swiss chard are nutritional powerhouses. They contain folate, magnesium, and vitamins A and C, which play a crucial role in supporting liver function. A healthy liver is essential for efficient detoxification.

Protein for Recovery:

Lean sources of protein, including chicken, turkey, fish, and tofu, are indispensable during meth detox. Protein aids in repairing damaged tissues, building muscle, and stabilizing blood sugar levels, helping you feel more energetic and resilient.

Embrace Healthy Fats:

Foods rich in healthy fats, such as avocados, nuts, and seeds, are beneficial during detox. These fats help reduce inflammation, promote brain health, and provide a source of sustained energy.

Whole Grains for Sustained Energy:

Whole grains like brown rice, quinoa, and whole wheat bread provide sustained energy and essential nutrients. They contribute to your overall well-being during the detox process, helping you stay focused and motivated.

Probiotics and Gut Health:

Fermented foods like yogurt, kefir, and sauerkraut are excellent sources of probiotics. These beneficial bacteria support gut health, aid digestion, and strengthen your immune system, which can be particularly advantageous during your recovery journey.

The Importance of Avoiding Processed Foods:

It’s crucial to stay away from processed foods, sugary snacks, and fast food during meth detox. These items can disrupt your body’s natural detoxification processes, exacerbate withdrawal symptoms, and trigger cravings, hindering your recovery progress.

Consider Herbal Supplements:

Consult with a healthcare professional about incorporating herbal supplements into your detox plan. Herbs like milk thistle, dandelion root, and turmeric have shown promise in supporting the detox process.

The Power of Consistency:

Consistency is key to reaping the benefits of these detox-supportive foods. Establishing a meal plan and sticking to it can provide your body with the consistent nutrition it needs to heal and recover.

Final Thoughts

As you embark on your journey to recovery from meth addiction, remember that you are not alone. Proper nutrition can significantly impact your detoxification process and overall well-being. Buckeye Recovery is here to offer guidance, support, and personalized treatment plans tailored to your specific needs. We are committed to helping you achieve a brighter and drug-free future.

Call Buckeye Recovery Today!

If you or someone you know is struggling with meth addiction and needs professional help, reach out to Buckeye Recovery today. Our experienced team is ready to provide you with outpatient addiction treatment in Huntington Beach, CA, including personalized nutritional guidance to support your recovery journey.

FAQ's

Meth detox is the process of removing methamphetamine from your body. Proper nutrition is crucial because it supports your body’s natural detoxification processes and helps you recover faster.

Yes, at Buckeye Recovery, we offer personalized treatment plans that include nutritional guidance to support your recovery journey.

Yes, it’s essential to avoid processed foods, sugary snacks, and fast food, as they can hinder your detoxification process and trigger cravings.

Creating a meal plan and sticking to a routine can help you stay consistent with your diet during detox. Our team at Buckeye Recovery can also provide you with guidance on meal planning.

Buckeye Recovery offers a range of addiction treatment services, including outpatient therapy, counseling, and support groups, to help you on your journey to sobriety.

Legal Drugs That Are Addictive

Have you ever stopped to consider that some legal drugs, readily available and commonly used in everyday life, can be just as addictive and detrimental to your health as illicit substances? In this extensive and informative article, we will delve deep into the realm of legal drugs with addictive potential. It’s essential to gain a comprehensive understanding of these substances to make informed decisions about your well-being and the well-being of your loved ones.

The Legal vs. Illegal Drug Distinction

Before we embark on our journey into the world of legal drugs with addictive potential, let’s take a moment to unravel the complex web of drug regulation. The classification of a drug as legal or illegal primarily hinges on government regulations and policies. Legal drugs are those that are typically used for medicinal purposes and are available either by prescription or over the counter. These substances are controlled and regulated to ensure their safe use under the supervision of healthcare professionals. In contrast, illegal drugs are substances banned by law due to their potential for abuse, absence of recognized medical use, and potential harm to individuals and society.

Legal Drugs with Addictive Potential

Now, let’s take a closer look at legal drugs with the propensity for addiction, unraveling the layers of complexity surrounding them:

1. Prescription Painkillers: The Opioid Dilemma

  • Opioid painkillers, including notorious names such as OxyContin, Vicodin, and Percocet, fall within the legal domain when prescribed by a qualified healthcare professional for the management of severe pain.
  • The paradox lies in their potent effectiveness in alleviating pain, which can lead to dependency and addiction.
  • These opioids hijack the brain’s reward system, inducing feelings of euphoria and relaxation, thus making them highly sought after.
  • Over time, as individuals build a tolerance, they may find themselves needing higher doses to achieve the same pain relief, inevitably increasing the risk of addiction.

2. Alcohol: The Legal Elixir with Hidden Pitfalls

  • Alcohol, a socially accepted legal substance, is widely consumed and enjoyed, but it possesses a dark side often underestimated by many.
  • As a central nervous system depressant, alcohol can become highly addictive when consumed excessively.
  • Prolonged abuse may lead to alcohol use disorder (AUD), characterized by compulsive cravings for alcohol, loss of control over consumption, and withdrawal symptoms when not drinking.

3. Nicotine: The Addictive Stimulant

  • Nicotine, predominantly found in cigarettes and various tobacco products, is a legal stimulant renowned for its addictiveness.
  • It manipulates the brain’s reward system by releasing dopamine, creating a pleasurable sensation and reinforcing the habit.
  • Conquering nicotine addiction can be an arduous challenge for those attempting to quit smoking.

4. Caffeine: The Silent Dependence Builder

  • While caffeine is generally regarded as safe when consumed in moderation, excessive intake can lead to dependency and withdrawal symptoms.
  • Caffeine stimulates the central nervous system, providing a temporary boost in alertness and energy.
  • Consistent consumption can lead to tolerance, prompting individuals to consume more to attain the same effects.

5. Over-the-Counter Medications: Surprising Sources of Addiction

  • Surprisingly, even some over-the-counter medications, such as cough syrups containing codeine, can be prone to misuse and addiction.
  • Codeine, found in these cough syrups, can induce feelings of euphoria and relaxation when taken in excess, leading to potential misuse and dependence.

Navigating the Complexities of Addiction

To fully appreciate the addictive potential of legal drugs, it’s imperative to explore the multifaceted nature of addiction in detail:

  • Chemical Dependency: Legal drugs often target the brain’s reward system, eventually leading to chemical dependency. The brain becomes accustomed to the presence of the substance, fostering cravings and reinforcing the cycle of use.
  • Tolerance Development: Regular use can lead to tolerance, where the body and brain adapt to the presence of the drug, requiring higher doses to achieve the desired effect. This phenomenon contributes to addiction, as escalating usage becomes the norm.
  • Withdrawal Syndrome: Abrupt cessation of some legal drugs can result in withdrawal symptoms, making quitting a daunting challenge. Withdrawal symptoms can range from anxiety and irritability to nausea and, in severe cases, seizures.
  • The Misconception of Safety: The legal status of these substances often fosters a misguided perception of safety. This misconception can lead to increased usage and delay in seeking help when addiction takes hold.

Taking Control of Your Health

Empowerment comes from knowledge, and understanding the addictive potential of legal drugs is the critical first step toward seizing control of your health and your life. If you or a cherished individual in your life is grappling with addiction to legal substances, seeking help is the pivotal next move.

Call Buckeye Recovery Today!

Buckeye Recovery, nestled in the picturesque locale of Huntington Beach, CA, is committed to delivering comprehensive outpatient addiction treatment. Our dedicated team of seasoned professionals specializes in assisting individuals in breaking free from the clutches of addiction. Do not hesitate; reach out to us today and embark on the path to a healthier, addiction-free life.

FAQ's

While using prescription painkillers as directed by a healthcare professional is generally considered safe, there remains a risk of developing dependence. It is crucial to adhere to your doctor’s instructions, and if any concerns arise, discuss them openly with your healthcare provider.

Moderate alcohol consumption can be safe for many adults. However, it’s essential to exercise caution, know your limits, and avoid excessive drinking, as this can potentially lead to the development of alcohol use disorder (AUD).

Overcoming nicotine addiction can indeed be a challenging journey. Seek help from smoking cessation programs, consider using nicotine replacement therapies, and consult healthcare professionals for tailored guidance and support.

Absolutely! Several caffeine-free alternatives, such as herbal teas, ample hydration, regular exercise, and obtaining sufficient sleep, can help you stay alert without relying on caffeine.

If you suspect someone you know is struggling with the misuse of legal drugs, approach the situation with empathy and understanding. Encourage them to seek help, and be a source of support as they navigate the path to recovery. Addiction is treatable, and seeking assistance is a positive step toward a brighter future.

Always do your Best: Understanding the 4th Agreement

Always do your best and the book (The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz) puts a paragraph in there that’s very important. 

 

Our best can change from day to day. 

What is important is that we do our best for that day. 

 

So it’s not like this is my bar and I have to meet it every single day. My bar can fluctuate based on the day. My bar can fluctuate based on my life circumstances at that moment. My bar can fluctuate based on what is, what am I experiencing internally, externally and that’s okay. Wherever that bar is set for that day, always do your best, always. And here’s the reason why. When we do our best as human beings we free ourselves. We save ourselves from suffering, from criticism, from self-abuse. We free ourselves from guilt and shame. I have yet to meet a person that does their best for a specific day in all areas of their life, and at the end of the night looks at themselves in the mirror and says negative things to themselves, is critical, abuses themselves with their words, is full of guilt – it just doesn’t happen. 

 

When you do your Best

When you do what you do to the best of your ability it starts to develop a psychological and emotional sense of well-being. It improves our self-esteem. It improves our self-worth. It allows us to then do the things we want to do in life. 

 

So always do your best. Do your best and also important, acknowledge yourself that you did your best. I think when we do our best we can acknowledge that we did our best because we know we did. So my question to all of you reading this right now is this. How many of you can look at your life in all different areas of it and say that you are consistently doing your best? If the answer is Yes, acknowledge yourself like our friend said there, and continue doing what you’re doing. Because that’s what’s required. If the answer is No, my question to you is this. What’s preventing you or stopping you from doing your best? 

 

What’s holding you back from doing your best? 

Are you afraid of what can happen on the other side? 

Is it too hard? 

Is it too scary? 

Is it too overwhelming? 

Do you lack consistency? 

Do you lack discipline? 

 

And the most important thing to consider when you say I’m not doing my best is the following. Do you believe you have an agreement with yourself that one day you’re going to wake up and that’s the day you’re going to start doing your best? If that answer is Yes I’m going to give you a personal opinion statement. You’re lying to yourself. We don’t just wake up one day and all of a sudden have the motivation, the energy, the desire to do our best. If you don’t do your best today you’re not going to do your best tomorrow. 

 

Our habits can get in the way of doing our best. Our complacency can get in the way of doing our best. Well, my question to anybody that’s experiencing their habit as barriers to doing their best is: “How much longer do you want to engage in those habits?” Are those habits hard to break? Yes. Are the chains of breaking habits hard to break? Yes, but when we break ourselves from those chains we become free and get to live our best life. So if complacency is there which is just stagnation, not moving forward, the question is: “Well, how long do you want to be where you’re at?” Some people might say, “I’m good here, I’m alright,” this talk ain’t for you. “I like to play it safe,” this talk isn’t for you. “I like to not move forward in life,” this talk’s not for you. But if you want to get to a certain place in life then you have to always do your best. 

 

And it says – this quote that I love – it says, 

 

“Every human is an artist. The dream of your life is to make beautiful art.” 

 

And what this means is this. We all got a canvas. You’re born with a canvas and everything that you’ve done up until this moment is kind of the work on it. Now when the canvas is blank we come into this world and people start to spray things on it – you have experiences – it paints. Some of them are beautiful, some of them are nasty, some of them are whatever and eventually it creates this entire piece of art. And you look at it and you say, “God, I don’t know if I like this. I don’t know if I’m happy with what’s on the board. I don’t know if I’m happy with that. I don’t know if this describes me. It’s not really my true self.” This talk inspires those who are not happy with it, to get this book and find out how they can create new agreements for themselves and how they can transform and change the story of their life. Because here’s the thing. When you are able to do so you clear the entire canvas from all of the programming, all of the conditioning, all of the domestication of your family, of your upbringing, of your life events, of your society, the expectations, the norms, the rules, the standards and you get to paint it the way you actually are when you are impeccable with your word. It will show on that piece of painting when you stop taking things personally. It will show on that painting when you stop making assumptions, and start asking questions. It will show up on the painting. And trust me when you always do your best it will show up on that painting. 

Don’t Make Assumptions: Understanding the 3rd Agreement

Don’t make assumptions. What does that even mean? So you must find the courage to ask questions rather than make assumptions. And why is it called courage? 

 

Why does it take courage to ask questions? 

Because how many of you don’t ask questions because you just assume you already know the answer. 

How many of you don’t ask questions because you assume you already know the outcome? How many of you don’t ask questions because you’re afraid of the answer? 

So you just assume, assume, assume and what does that do for you? 

 

It keeps you in the dark. It keeps you in the unknown. It keeps you almost in a state of denial. I do a lot of coaching and performance coaching for whether it’s like executives in our company, or I used to do it for all of our clinical staff personal development talks, I do it for a couple outside companies right now. And I tell you this, I ask them, “Hey, so what makes a good leader?” And they say “Well, I’ve been doing this for a long time. I know the skill set. I know what to do. I know how to do it. I know when to do it, where to find the answers. I’m knowledgeable in the space.” I’m like, “Okay, so you are the reason why you’re a good leader?” And they’re like, “Well, I mean pretty much.” And I say, “Well, I’ll tell you this. The greatest leaders in the world don’t have all the answers. They have the right questions. They don’t have the right answers man, they got the right questions. And when you look at your own recovery and you look at your own life and you look at your healing transformation journey do you make assumptions about what is going on and what’s next? Or do you ask questions? Because the assumptions they make with this, with changing this one thing, you can completely transform your life. 

 

Exceptions Kill your Peace and Serenity

In the 12 and 12 I think we got a line in there that says, “My level of serenity and my expectations are a zero sum.” So what a zero sum means before I do my little thing is that both of them together are going to equal a 100 right? So if my expectations are 80, my serenity can be 20. If my expectations are 50 my serenity is 50. If my expectations are 20, my serenity could be 80. And if I just turn off my expectations, I could be in a state of bliss, or a blissful state. Beautiful thing. 

 

The Problem with Assumptions

A lot of times if we actually are good at what we do, if we’ve had some level of success, if we’ve been able to manage our life, we assume that I don’t need to ask questions. Because look at my life, I’m doing okay right? But then that’s also an assumption. We just assume that’s the case. So this whole thing is the problem with assumptions. It’s that we believe that they’re true and we take them personally. It’s always better to ask questions than to make assumptions. Because assumptions set us up for suffering. 

 

Find your voice. 

Ask what you want. 

Focus on clear communication with yourself and others. 

 

Don’t Take Anything Personally: Understanding the 2nd Agreement

Don’t take it personally. Well, here’s what the book Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz says. Nothing others do is because of you or in spite of you. It is because of their own world, their own agreements, their own understanding. Nothing other people do is because of you, or in spite of you, even when it feels like it’s personal. So what others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you’re immune to the opinion and actions of others you won’t be a victim of needless suffering. 

 

Not everything is about you. And I would say this directly to your loved ones if you got a loved one. That’s an addiction this and that, and I’ll say that not everything’s about you, because I need you to consider this the same way you wake up in the morning, and you have your coffee, and you run your errands, and you’re thinking about yourself, and what you have to do next, and what you got to put in your fridge, and what bills you got to send out, and who do you have to visit this week, and what work agendas and tasks you have, and etc. So is everyone else. They are waking up into their own world, their own dream, their own reality – they’re doing all the things they got to do for themselves. And when people are doing all of those things for themselves and for their own world, guess who and what they’re not thinking about? You. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just a reality. 

 

It’s a Choice

We think that when we engage with another human being, when they do things and say things, that they’re saying it to us. It’s not as if somebody comes and tells me that I’m stupid. It’s not that they’re saying it to me. It’s an agreement that they’ve made about what they think that even means. See, the moment I believe what other people say, the moment I breathe life into that word, in that moment it becomes real in my reality. And remember earlier I told you that the whole sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you? As a child we don’t have the ability to look at something and not take it personal. That’s all we know. But as we grow up and we develop skills and tools and languages and the gift of perspective then we have to stop acting like a child. Because if someone says something to me the only way what they say is real is if I accept it, if I believe it.  If they’re giving me that poison and I choose not to drink it I will not get poisoned. 

If I don’t take it personal and just say that’s just their thoughts, that’s their opinions, it has no weight, no meaning. 

 

Your Opinion is NOT my Business

In the Al Anon and Coda groups they say the following statement: “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” Your opinion of me is none of my business, but how many people make that their business? What you say about me, is that really what you think? Well, here they’ll throw three things back at them and take things personal. It’s just such a difficult, trapped, prisoned way of life. 

 

How many times have I gotten on a phone with a parent? “We don’t know, you don’t know what we’ve done for them. Now this is how they repay us, and this is what they’re doing, and they don’t love us, they don’t respect us, they don’t do this, they don’t do that.” When you’re on the other side of it talking to that person that’s using the drugs, that’s done all those things to the parent, when they’re trying to get high and get by and survive, they’re not thinking about you or anybody else. They are in survival mode. They’re not thinking about disrespecting someone to get what they’re trying to get to, but the family thinks that’s the case. And when we understand that nothing other people do is because of us, that it’s their own world, their own reality, there’s a sense of freedom in it. 

 

It’s a Binary Choice

So when it comes down to it, if you start to speak positive to yourself in The First Agreement, in the direction of love and truth and you start to say things to yourself that you start to believe, because you’re the one saying them it’s not the world saying it. You’re saying it. We are left with a binary choice. A binary choice means 0 or 1. It means A or B. It means this way or this way. There is no other option. 

 

And here’s the binary choice – either you take what people say to you and you take it personal and you get full of anger, sadness, resentment, you get disempowered, you lose your motivation, you lose your ambition. Or you start to listen to the things you tell yourself. No other option, no other option. 

 

One or the other. If you’ve been living a certain way, just downloading what the world and society says to you, and taking it all personal, how is that working for you? And how much longer do you want to subscribe to that way of thinking? 

 

You always see it man, someone on the road – you’re driving and you’re on the freeway minding your own business and there’s some idiot there who just kind of swerves in front of you and swerves in front of someone else and you’re like, “How dare he disrespect me?” You pull down the window, you flip him the bird, and you’re like, “You disrespectful person, blah blah blah man, do you really think out of the 2,000 cars on that freeway that that’s a personal move?” Man, sometimes we get these big egos and we think that things that happen around us are happening to us. They’re just happening. 

 

Our Perspective Frees Us 

Our perspective of that event is what frees us people in recovery, in early stages of recovery, they have a hard time with this one. And family members, I’m telling you this. You have a hard time with this one because of all of the attempts and actions and steps you’ve taken to prevent your loved one from disaster now everything you do you take it personal. And what if I told you it’s not? I’m surprised people don’t have questions about this because if some of the audience listening to this knows they struggle with taking things personally. I really hope they would ask a question about it because I know that outside of maybe a few of you that have been exposed to this type of work the majority of society struggles with this one. So you want to choose peace and happiness over anger and fear.

Be Impeccable With Your Word: Understanding the 1st Agreement

Be impeccable with your word. So what does that mean? 

  1. Speak with Integrity. 
  2. Speak in the direction of Love and Truth. 
  3. Don’t use your words to gossip or to talk negatively towards yourself. 

Let’s look at what all these things look like. I do believe that we in society have been told a lie. We have been told a lie in society. 

Now the first one. This is the reason why that’s important. 

The biggest lie we’ve ever been told in society is this: sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you. Oh what a crock of [ __ ] that is. 

Words will never hurt you? Have you ever seen a child be bullied in school with people calling them names and this and that? Words don’t hurt that kid? He goes home and says that’s nothing, they’re just words. No man, those words penetrate their soul, they penetrate their heart, they penetrate their mind, they shape their idea of who they are and who they’re not. See, when I break my wrist I put a cast on and do some physical therapy and it’s good to go. When someone uses words and breaks my heart, where is the cast for that? So if words are that powerful then the first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. Have integrity with the things you say. Say what you mean. How many of you don’t say what you mean or change it because you don’t want the other person to feel a certain way? How many of you try to change what you want to say for them to receive some type of a message? When you speak subliminal to other people, you speak around topics. Have integrity and speak directly and say what you mean. If somebody says how are you doing today and you’re scared inside or you’re angry and say, “Oh I’m fine thank you for asking,” what’s the point of that? And when you speak to other people like, “Do you gossip? Do you talk negatively towards other people about them?” If the answer is yes, “Why? To make yourself feel better and make them feel bad?” If you’re harsh and critical and condemn people and use your words in sharp ways, why do you really think that those words are going to cause them to say, “Oh my God, they’re right, I am a lazy piece of s[__]. I will start to work a little bit harder now.” 

 

Pause when Agitated or Doubtful

Where does all this come from? If you had a highly critical parent growing up chances of you being highly critical to other people or at least to yourself is very high. How do you speak to yourself? How do you speak to yourself? I would add be conscious and pause with the words when you are angry and frustrated. 

 

In the 12 steps in the big book for those of you who subscribe to the program, it says we pause when agitated or doubtful. We pause when agitated or doubtful, and what you want to do is to be able to take a little timeout, a little break, a little moment, maybe go write it down, maybe revisit it. Rarely do people come back the next day with the same emotional intensity they had the day before. 

 

Words are like Viruses

So in this one what I want you to know is that words are like viruses. They only have power if they’re in a certain type of a breeding ground, if they’re in a certain type of environment, and if we don’t allow that environment to exist by talking negatively to others, talking negatively to ourselves, words start to lose their impact. So what you want to do is to start using words that are kind and you want to start with yourself. You want to catch yourself when you’re not using kind words to yourself. And when you start to learn how to speak kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself, have compassion towards yourself, then and only then will you be able to pass that on to those you have interactions with. I have yet to meet someone that is harsh and critical and just intense to themselves but loving, compassionate and understanding towards others. It all starts with you. So check yourself when you feel like you are not speaking in a direction of love and truth to yourself and that’s the way you can go about it. 

 

So please be impeccable with your word. Try putting your brain in gear before putting your mouth in motion. This really works for me well so I think it is a great analogy. So it’s kind of like, think before you act. This analogy is funny because if people don’t have an understanding of stick shift and gears and stuff like that it’s all automatic, a little different. So this would be really, really good in the stick shift days. Think before you act. And if you don’t know what you’re thinking is true or not, pick up the damn phone and ask somebody and share your thoughts. Shine the light on them. 

 

A counselor that comes to my family education group says going up there in your head is a dangerous neighborhood. Sometimes you don’t want to go there alone. So if you don’t know if the thoughts you’re having are true or real or accurate, run them by a few people and then act. Never go based on your thoughts and emotions at the same time triggered. Man, nothing good happens out of that.

Understanding the Four Agreements

What is up everyone? It is Saturday, October 14th of 2023. We are here for another family education and support group, personal development group, a transformation group, whatever you want to call it, with your host Parham. Sorry I missed you last week as some of you know, I’ll give you some details, maybe share a couple photos if I can, about kind of what last weekend’s look like and I’m really grateful to be here. What’s up Jim? I’ll say Hi to everyone that’s about to pop on. Let me just do a quick introduction of myself and what we do here in this channel on this specific day and see if it’s something that’s valuable to you or someone in your life that you love or a combination of both.

So like I said, my name is Parham. We do this talk primarily almost every Saturday I’d say, probably with a 90% success rate from 9:15 Pacific Standard time till about 10:00 so. It’s a 45 minute live stream that’s interactive so when individuals pop up and write comments and say things I can post them and put them on the board. So if you say, “Hey, can you please describe this to me? Can you please explain this to me?” That’s kind of what we do and I do have a Master’s degree in marriage and family therapy with an emphasis in child development. I am a licensed Advanced Alcohol and Drug Counselor, so addictions and addictive processes is my specialty. I do coach high school basketball. We just had our yearbook pictures on Thursday and I like to teach. I’m a teacher, an educator, and I also manage and operate the Buckeye Recovery Network with a bunch of wonderful human beings and I’m really excited about this topic today.

Let’s see who we got Katalin, good morning. Mom and Dad, what is up? Roxanne, Cousin Roxanne, how are you? Hossein Jan, good to see you. And we have a nice range of people that pop up from different parts of the United States. And so what can you expect on this channel? Various things – we’ll talk about mental health, we’ll talk about addictions, we’ll talk about family dynamics, we’ll talk about trauma, we’ll talk about communication, and we talk about a little bit of everything, so it’s a really wonderful experience. And some of our community members have been with us for over three years now, which is fascinating and how quickly time goes. Dr Seuss says, “How did it get so late, so soon?” And I like that. So today we’re going to talk about a book that I believe has the power to transform the story of your life and when you change the story of your life you change your life. And this book is something that was introduced to me about 15 years ago and I’ve used it personally all the time. I use it professionally all the time, and when the simple concepts of this book are applied they can transform our life. For some of the counselors watching this you’re well familiar and well versed with it. You all do groups on it but for a lot of the family members who might have not been exposed to this kind of knowledge and information I want to take this chance to do it. If you’ve read this book or heard about it please just kind of go through it with an open mind. Forget all of the information and knowledge that you have and all the preconceived notions that you have and see how you can kind of just take on this information brand new, fresh and how you can actually start to apply it in your life and change the story. And for all the codependent family members out there by listening to this, you’re not going to help change the story of your kid’s life. If they want to change the story of their life they’re going to have to do it themselves. So if you’re listening to this for someone else with the intention of applying this to them it’s not going to work. But I’ll tell you this – I strongly encourage and recommend and suggest that you apply this to yourself in your life irregardless of what your loved one is doing or not doing. So the book is called The Four Agreements, written by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven’t heard about it hopefully this talk inspires you to go pick up a copy, listen to the audio book, get engaged with it, use the little companion books that come with it, and I’m going to try to do my best to use my Parham language to help you kind of understand the premise of the book and understand the key concepts of the book and how they can free you and how they can help you live a life that you pretty much want to live but you just feel like you can’t. 

Okay, so the premise of the book revolves around the fact that all of us have this thing called the domestication process. When a child is born into this universe they are a blank canvas. They are full of hopes, dreams, possibilities, goals – they are just anything and everything is possible, however we are raised, by what the rules and the norms of our family system we are raised by, the rules and norms of society we are raised by, the rules and norms of the world as a whole. So what happens is as this blank canvas starts to come up it starts to get painted, it starts to get full, it starts to get input added to it, not directly from itself but from its surroundings. And where did the family get it? Where did society get it? Where did the world get it? From their previous upbringing. It just keeps going and going and going and going and going and guess what happens? In the midst of all this domestication process we lose touch with ourselves and what is important to us. We lose touch with our dreams. We lose it and what happens is we get conditioned that if I live within the context of this box, with these expectations that my family, society have of me, then I feel good. And if I don’t meet the criteria of this box I feel bad, I feel guilt, I feel shame. So what people do is, because we want to feel good and don’t want to feel bad we start to conform. We start to adjust, we start to adapt. Or some people start to rebel and in either one of those scenarios we lose touch with ourselves. It says just being ourselves is the biggest fear that humanity has. What this fear does to us is it forces us to live an inauthentic life. And in that inauthentic life guess what we do? We put on a mask and we don’t let ourselves or the world ever see who the real one is. And when we get close to Halloween I do a traditional talk on the nine masks that we all wear and it’s going to be a really good one in a couple weeks here. So I’m going to get through and I’m going to start sharing with you what these Four Agreements are.

We had a good recommendation here from a very scholarly person. One of the best books ever, read all of his books and his son’s and I’m glad that you did because it’s good content. There’s a lot of crap out there in this world and this one’s not one of them and so let’s get into it.

By the way, if you’re wondering okay what’s the point of this one I just shared with you that if you apply these agreements in your life you can transform your world, you can transform it so if you look around your world and you don’t like what you see this is going to give you the opening to be able to transform. 

Let me see if I can write it real quick so you can write, you can ask questions at any time. Childhood trauma is not the topic.

 

1. This is the first one. The first agreement says to be impeccable with your word 

So what does that mean? Number one, speak with Integrity. Number two, speak in the direction of Love and Truth. Number three, don’t use your words to gossip or to talk negatively towards yourself. 

Okay so let’s look at what all these things look like. I do believe that we in society have been told a lie. If you’ve been following me for 3 years I hope you could finish my sentence right now. We have been told a lie in society. And by the way this is a person that, if you’re not going to take my word for it, so yeah you Katalin, I told you she’s a scholar, she’s got some gnarly educational background. We got Mr Jim who I consider a scholar sometimes in a school of hard life my man. But what I will tell you about this gentleman is, he’s been counseling for a significant amount of time and in recovery for a significant amount of time. He also suggests reading this book too so you got three people here telling you to read this book. 

Now the first one. This is the reason why that’s important. So if you’ve been watching me and following me for years I’ve been very consistent on record saying the following statement. The biggest lie we’ve ever been told in society is this: sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you. Oh what a crock of [ __ ] that is. Words will never hurt you huh? You ever see a child be bullied in school with people calling them names and this and that? Words don’t hurt that kid? He goes home and says that’s nothing, they’re just words. No man, those words penetrate their soul, they penetrate their heart, they penetrate their mind, they shape their idea of who they are and who they’re not. See when I break my wrist I put a cast on and do some physical therapy and it’s good to go. When someone uses words and breaks my heart, where is the cast for that? So if words are that powerful then the first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. Have integrity with the things you say. Say what you mean. How many of you don’t say what you mean or change it because you don’t want the other person to feel a certain way? How many of you try to change what you want to say for them to receive some type of a message? Like you speak subliminal to other people. You speak around topics. Have integrity and speak directly and say what you mean. If somebody says how are you doing today and you’re scared inside or you’re angry and say, “Oh I’m fine thank you for asking,” what’s the point of that? And when you speak to other people like, “Do you gossip? Do you talk negative towards other people about them?” If the answer is yes, “Why? To make yourself feel better and make them feel bad?” If you’re harsh and critical and condemn people and use your words in sharp ways, why do you really think that those words are going to cause them to say, “Oh my God, they’re right, I am a lazy piece of s[__]. I will start to work a little bit harder now.” And where does all this come from? By the way a lot of us have heard these things now so if you had a highly critical parent growing up chances of you being highly critical to other people or at least to yourself is very high. How do you speak to yourself? How do you speak to yourself? And this is huge, so I would add and feel free – you’re just as valuable as Jim and Katalin – everyone else in this group, because you’ve heard me say everything and you have a lot of your own personal development stuff in Tony Robbins world, I would add be conscious and pause with the words when you are angry and frustrated. So in the 12 steps in the big book for those of you who subscribe to the program, it says we pause when agitated or doubtful. We pause when agitated or doubtful, and what you want to do is to be able to just kind of like she said – a little timeout, a little break, a little moment, maybe go write it down, maybe revisit it. Rarely do people come back the next day with the same emotional intensity they had the day before. So in this one right here it’s what I want you to know is that words are like viruses. They only have power if they’re in a certain type of a breeding ground, if they’re in a certain type of environment, and if we don’t allow that environment to exist by talking negative to others, talking negative to ourselves, words start to lose their impact. So what you want to do is you want to start using words that are kind and you want to start with yourself. You want to catch yourself when you’re not using kind words to yourself. And when you start to learn how to speak kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself, have compassion towards yourself, then and only then will you be able to pass that on to those you have interactions with. I have yet to meet someone that is harsh and critical and just intense to themselves but loving, compassionate and understanding towards others. It all starts with you. So check yourself when you feel like you are not speaking in a direction of love and truth to yourself and that’s the way you can go about it. So please be impeccable with your word. Try putting your brain in gear before putting your mouth in motion. This really works for me well so I think it is a great analogy. 

[Let me see if I can close this up blind real quick.]

So what I like about Jim’s analogy here – I’m going to read it again because I distracted you with my movement is – try putting your brain in gear before putting your mouth in motion. This really works well for me. So it’s kind of like, think before you act. This analogy is funny because if people don’t have an understanding of stick shift and gears and stuff like that it’s all automatic, a little different. So this would be really, really good in the stick shift days Jim, but what I understand is, think before you act. And if you don’t know what you’re thinking is true or not, pick up the damn phone and ask somebody and share your thoughts. Shine the light on them. A counselor that comes to my family education group says going up there in your head is a dangerous neighborhood. Sometimes you don’t want to go there alone. So if you don’t know if the thoughts you’re having are true or real or accurate, run them by a few people and then act. Never go based on your thoughts and emotions at the same time triggered. Man, nothing good happens out of that.

 

2. So the next one – this is by far the hardest one – I’m going to write it here real quick. Sorry I didn’t get too prepared for this part. I just forgot it so this one – ready? Parents really struggle with this one, don’t take anything personally. Oh what do you mean? Don’t take it personally. They said this to me, they did this to me, how could I not take it personally? Well, here’s what the book says. Nothing others do is because of you or in spite of you. It is because of their own world, their own agreements, their own understanding. Nothing other people do is because of you, or in spite of you, even when it feels like it’s personal. So what others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you’re immune to the opinion and actions of others you won’t be a victim of needless suffering my friends. Not everything is about you. And I would say this directly to your loved ones if you got a loved one. That’s an addiction this and that, and I’ll say “Not everything’s about you, because I need you to consider this the same way you wake up in the morning and you have your coffee and you run your errands and you’re thinking about yourself and what you have to do next and what you got to put in your fridge and what bills you got to send out and who do you have to visit this week and what work agendas and tasks you have and and etc etc etc. So is everyone else. They are waking up into their own world, their own dream, their own reality – they’re doing all the things they got to do for themselves. And when people are doing all of those things for themselves and for their own world, guess who and what they’re not thinking about? You. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just a reality. We think that when we engage with another human being when they do things and say things they’re saying it to us. It’s not as if somebody comes and tells me that I’m stupid. It’s not that they’re saying it to me. It’s an agreement that they’ve made about what they think that even means. See, the moment I believe what other people say, the moment I breathe life into that word, in that moment it becomes real in my reality. And remember earlier I told you that the whole sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you? As a child we don’t have the ability to look at something and not take it personal. Man, it’s all we know. But as we grow up and we develop skills and tools and languages and the gift of perspective then we got to stop acting like a child. Because if someone says something to me the only way what they say is real is if I accept it, if I believe it. But if I don’t take it personal and just say that’s just their thoughts, that’s their opinions, it has no weight, no meaning, if they’re giving me that poison and I choose not to drink it I will not get poisoned. 

In the Al Anon and Coda groups they say the following statement: “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” Your opinion of me is none of my business but how many people make that their business? What you say about me, is that really what you think? Well, here they’ll throw three things back at them and take things personal. It’s just such a difficult, trapped, prisoned way of life. How many times have I gotten on a phone with a parent? “We don’t know, you don’t know what we’ve done for them. Now this is how they repay us, and this is what they’re doing, and they don’t love us, they don’t respect us, they don’t this, they don’t that.” When you’re on the other side of it talking to that person that’s using the drugs, that’s done all those things to the parent, when they’re trying to get high and get by and survive, they’re not thinking about you or anybody else. They are in survival mode. They’re not thinking about disrespecting someone to get what they’re trying to get to, but the family thinks that’s the case. And when we understand that nothing other people do is because of us it’s their own world, own reality, there’s a sense of freedom in it. So when it comes down to it, if you start to speak positive to yourself in The First Agreement, in the direction of love and truth and you start to say things to yourself that you start to believe, because you’re the one saying them it’s not the world saying it. You’re saying it. We are left with a binary choice. A binary choice means 0 or 1. It means A or B. It means this way or this way. There is no other option. And here’s the binary choice – either you take what people say to you and you take it personal and you get full of anger, sadness, resentment, you get disempowered, you lose your motivation, you lose your ambition. Or you start to listen to the things you tell yourself. No other option, no other option. One or the other. If you’ve been living a certain way just downloading what the world and society says to you and taking it all personal how is that working for you? And how much longer do you want to subscribe to that way of thinking? You always see it man, someone on the road – you’re driving and you’re on the freeway minding your own business and there’s some idiot there just kind of swerves in front of you and swerves in front of someone else and you’re like, “How dare he disrespect me?” You pull down the window, you flip him the bird, and you’re like, “You disrespectful person, blah blah blah blah man, do you really think out of the 2,000 cars on that freeway that that’s a personal move?” Man, sometimes we get these big egos and we think that things that happen around us are happening to us. They’re just happening. Our perspective of that event is what frees us. Our perspective of that event is what frees us people in recovery, in early stages of recovery, they have a hard time with this one. And family members, I’m telling you this. You have a hard time with this one because of all of the attempts and actions and steps you’ve taken to prevent your loved one from disaster now everything you do you take it personal. And what if I told you it’s not? I’m surprised people don’t have questions about this because if some of the audience listening to this knows they struggle with taking things personally. I really hope they would ask a question about it because I know that outside of maybe a few of you that have been exposed to this type of work the majority of society struggles with this one. So you want to choose peace and happiness over anger and fear.

 

Lynn, gotta say hi to Lynn. What’s up Lynn? Hey, I saw some beautiful pictures this morning on your Facebook and they made me smile. Not obviously happiness but just smile for the moments that existed is what I mean.

 

3. So the next one that we have here is this – this is also good for the parents watching okay? Don’t make assumptions. Don’t make assumptions. And you’re wondering, well what does that even mean? So you must find the courage to ask questions rather than make assumptions. And why is it called courage? Like why does it take courage to ask questions? Because how many of you don’t ask questions? You just assume you already know the answer. How many of you don’t ask questions because you assume you already know the outcome? How many of you don’t ask questions because you’re afraid of the answer? So you just assume, assume, assume and what does that do for you? It keeps you in the dark. It keeps you in the unknown. It keeps you almost in a state of denial. I do a lot of coaching and performance coaching for whether it’s like executives in our company, or I used to do it for all of our clinical staff personal development talks, I do it for a couple outside companies right now. And I tell you this, I ask them, “Hey, so what makes a good leader?” And they say “Well, I’ve been doing this for a long time. I know the skill set. I know what to do. I know how to do it. I know when to do it, where to find the answers. I’m knowledgeable in the space.” I’m like, “Okay, so you are the reason why you’re a good leader?” And they’re like, “Well, I mean pretty much.” And I say, “Well, I’ll tell you this. The greatest leaders in the world don’t have all the answers. They have the right questions. They don’t have the right answers man, they got the right questions. And when you look at your own recovery and you look at your own life and you look at your healing transformation journey do you make assumptions about what is going on and what’s next? Or do you ask questions? Because the assumptions they make with this, with changing this one thing, you can completely transform your life. And exceptions will kill your peace and serenity. Yeah, they really will. I mean we say this all the time Jim, but people just like to keep their expectations high.

In the 12 and 12 I think we got a line in there that says, “My level of serenity and my expectations are a zero sum.” So what a zero sum means before I do my little thing is that both of them together are going to equal a 100 right? So if my expectations are 80, my serenity can be 20. If my expectations are 50 my serenity is 50. If my expectations are 20, my serenity could be 80. And if I just turn off my expectations, I could be in a state of bliss, or a blissful state. Beautiful thing. Katalin just said, “I was just absorbed by your words. It’s a good reminder of what the book describes. I need that especially after my trip home.” Yeah, thank you, I appreciate it. And yeah, this book is very powerful and we need it in different times. Like going places back home, sometimes there’s a lot of nostalgic triggers and there’s a lot of moments and memories. And especially when we deal with leaving home at a young age like you did, and dealing with wars and immigration, all that kind of stuff like that. Hey good luck Katalin, I got you, you’re gonna be alright. And it’s not sometimes Hossein Jan, it’s almost always. Sometimes my ego is not allowing me to ask questions. That’s a non- egoic statement you just made right? So that’s putting your ego aside and acknowledging the truth. Because a lot of times if we actually are good at what we do, if we’ve had some level of success, if we’ve been able to manage our life, we assume that I don’t need to ask questions. Because look at my life, I’m doing okay right? But then that’s also an assumption. We just assume that’s the case. So this whole thing is the problem with assumptions. It’s that we believe that they’re true and we take them personally. It’s always better to ask questions than to make assumptions. Because assumptions set us up for suffering. Find your voice. Ask what you want. Focus on clear communication with yourself and others. 

And look at this – that’s cool – I don’t even know who this person is. I think Jerilee Medina? “My life changed after I read that book.” Look at that, my friend. So genuinely this is not a paid actor/ actress who popped up here out of nowhere and just said that. And that’s like four people now on this small channel right now that are talking about this. So please take it into consideration. And maybe you can also change your life like this person did too. So hey, that’s awesome, good on you,  thank you, thank you for adding that in there. 

And the next one and the last one here is something that I think. This one is the one that I strive to focus on the most because in reality these are all ideals right? That’s in best case scenario we do all these. But I know for a fact that sometimes I’ll struggle with being impeccable with my word, speaking in the direction of love and truth, especially to myself. I’m very hard on myself, very, very intensely critical of myself. So I know I fall short, that I’m working on it, I really am. It’s a work in progress. My nickname as a child was Mr Perfect, and I’m talking about like 8-9-10-11 years old. That was my nickname so when you set that kind of nickname for yourself you can see how one can really, really develop self-esteem and high problems due to their critical nature of self. 

Taking things personally – I’m pretty good at that. I don’t take things personally. It’s like you do what you do because that’s what you do. It has nothing to do with me and I try not to make assumptions. I love asking questions. That’s why when people pop up and they ask questions I’ll ask questions back to them often. And I need to know, kind of, because I know that I don’t know everything, even in my space, even if I call myself a specialist in something. I know I don’t know everything and I try not to make assumptions about anything or anyone. 

 

4. But this last one – and let me put it up here on the board – very simple. Always do your best. So the last one says, always do your best and it puts a paragraph in there that’s very important. And it says the following that our best can change from day to day. What is important is that we do our best for that day. So it’s not like this is my bar and I have to meet it every single day. My bar can fluctuate based on the day. My bar can fluctuate based on my life circumstances at that moment. My bar can fluctuate based on what is, what am I experiencing internally, externally and that’s okay. Wherever that bar is set for that day, always do your best, always. And here’s the reason why. When we do our best as human beings we free ourselves. We save ourselves from suffering, from criticism, from self-abuse. We free ourselves from guilt and shame. I have yet to meet a person that does their best for a specific day in all areas of their life, and at the end of the night looks at themselves in the mirror and says negative things to themselves, is critical, abuses themselves with their words, is full of guilt – it just doesn’t happen. When you do what you do to the best of your ability it starts to develop a psychological and emotional sense of well-being. It improves our self-esteem. It improves our self-worth. It allows us to then do the things we want to do in life. 

Zohreh, what did you say? “The book did not change my life but gave me so much awareness that over time helped me in the path of transformation.” Thank you for sharing that by the way, which is another positive shout out for the book. You know different things hit people differently right? And I believe that it’s not one thing or one moment or exposure to a specific teaching or anything like that that does it. I believe that it’s an accumulation of all of those. But here’s the thing. The knowledge of them doesn’t mean anything. It’s the practical application. I think he wrote something in there – “gave me so much awareness but over time helped me in the path of…” so it’s the practical application of that awareness, and then adding whatever else you got going through the process to create that lasting change.

Jess, the book is called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

So always do your best. I talk about the whole… oh that’s cool, let me put this one up – this makes me happy. “Your brother suggested this book to me about 20 years ago. I loved it and I recommend it to my clients. I gave it as a gift to a couple of them.” That’s cool, Mom. Yeah I know, me and Fir used to talk about this book. And it’s nice that he shared it with you and it’s nice that you share it with your clients, whether you’re doing your life coaching or anything else that you do. But here Jess, I’ll just write this for you – it should pop up there.

Do your best and also important, acknowledge yourself that you did your best. Yeah, 100%. I think when we do our best Eileen, I think we can acknowledge that we did our best because we know we did. So my question to all of you watching this right now is this. How many of you can look at your life in all different areas of it and say that you are consistently doing your best? If the answer is Yes, acknowledge yourself like our friend said there, and continue doing what you’re doing. Because that’s what’s required. If the answer is No, my question to you is this. What’s preventing you or stopping you from doing your best? What’s holding you back from doing your best? Are you afraid of what can happen on the other side? Is it too hard? Is it too scary? Is it too overwhelming? Do you lack consistency? Do you lack discipline? And the most important thing to consider when you say I’m not doing my best is the following. Do you believe you have an agreement with yourself that one day you’re going to wake up and that’s the day you’re going to start doing your best? If that answer is Yes I’m going to give you a personal opinion statement. You’re lying to yourself. We don’t just wake up one day and all of a sudden have the motivation, the energy, the desire to do our best. If you don’t do your best today you’re not going to do your best tomorrow. And it’s when I asked that question Zohreh whether she’s talking about herself or just kind of sharing some feedback that potentially could help people. Our habits can get in the way of doing our best. Our complacency can get in the way of doing our best. Well, my question to anybody that’s experiencing their habit as barriers to doing their best is: “How much longer do you want to engage in those habits?” Are those habits hard to break? Yes. Are the chains of breaking habits hard to break? Yes, but when we break ourselves from those chains we become free and get to live our best life. So if complacency is there which is just stagnation, not moving forward, the question is: “Well, how long do you want to be where you’re at?” Some people might say, “I’m good here, I’m alright,” this talk ain’t for you. “I like to play it safe,” this talk isn’t for you. “I like to not move forward in life,” this talk’s not for you. But if you want to get to a certain place in life then you have to always do your best. 

And it says – this quote that I love – it says, “Every human is an artist. The dream of your life is to make beautiful art.” And what this means is this. We all got a canvas. You’re born with a canvas and everything that you’ve done up until this moment is kind of the work on it. Now when the canvas is blank we come into this world and people start to spray things on it – you have experiences – it paints. Some of them are beautiful, some of them are nasty, some of them are whatever and eventually it creates this entire piece of art. And you look at it and you say, “God, I don’t know if I like this. I don’t know if I’m happy with what’s on the board. I don’t know if I’m happy with that. I don’t know if this describes me. It’s not really my true self.” This talk inspires those who are not happy with it, to get this book and find out how they can create new agreements for themselves and how they can transform and change the story of their life. Because here’s the thing. When you are able to do so you clear the entire canvas from all of the programming, all of the conditioning, all of the domestication of your family, of your upbringing, of your life events, of your society, the expectations, the norms, the rules, the standards and you get to paint it the way you actually are when you are impeccable with your word. It will show on that piece of painting when you stop taking things personally. It will show on that painting when you stop making assumptions, and start asking questions. It will show up on the painting. And trust me when you always do your best it will show up on that painting. 

 

What I want to share with you guys right now is that it’s gonna be kind of cool. I don’t know, I haven’t even tried this so this could be a bad idea but let me pull up some pictures I have, four or five pictures from this weekend. I know some of you have already seen it on my Facebook, or you’ve seen it on my Instagram or something like that. But let me see if I could present and see if this works. Okay, so what you guys are seeing here is – let me start from the first one. So some of us went to a pickleball tournament last weekend with my family. I’m an avid pickleball player and you can see there – me hitting the pickleball and those muscles that you see in the definition – remember I’m a plant-based athlete, I do not eat any chicken, meat, animals, anything that had a mom or a dad and so if you were wondering how can you be strong and lean without doing that well you can and there’s my proof. The next one that I have here is a picture of me on the gold medal stand. I got first place there. It was pretty cool. I beat a guy from Idaho, I beat a guy from Reno, Nevada and I beat a guy from freaking Honolulu, Hawaii. Got first place which is really cool in my age bracket. It was a really big event. The next one right here is me standing on the podium – first place. Mom and Dad, there you are. They came and watched and trust me, they needed those hats because Las Vegas sun is no joke. And this last one’s the really cool one I got. There’s my parents if you need a visual. Eileen, they are Mom and Dad. And this last one that I have here is my Mom and Dad. So as a gift to them I took them to Caesar’s Palace and I went and got them tickets to go watch Adele and that was me kind of proud of it. And the funny part is, by the time they came back to the room I was already sleeping. How cool is that? So that was just a nice little moment I wanted to share with you guys. 

 

So all that being said love and appreciate all of you, thank you for another live stream with me. I’ll be back next week, same time, same place. Have a great, great day! Bye everyone!

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Kelsey Gearhart

Director of Business Development

Kelsey carries multiple years of experience working in the substance abuse and mental health treatment field. Her passion for this field comes from her personally knowing recovery from addiction.

Prior to Buckeye she held titles of Recovery Coach, Operations Director, and Admissions Director. Kelsey was brought on at Buckeye Recovery as the Director of Business Development. She has a passion for ensuring every individual gets the help that they need, and does so by developing relationships with other providers.

Kelsey also oversees our women’s sober living environments – The Chadwick House for Women. She is committed to creating a safe, nurturing, and conducive environment for all women that walk through the doors of Chadwick.