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5 Keys to Re-mothering Yourself

Today we are talking about Mother’s Day, and here’s the reality of it. So either you were mothered in life, you have a need to be remothered. Either your mom was loving, supportive, nurturing, or your mom was cold, distant, absent, or it was a combination of both of those things. It’s not this or that in life, it never is this or that in life. Some people are a range of life experiences but the most important part to know is this. At the end of the day it is our responsibility as adults to look at the life that we have, to look at the world that created ourselves and our development, and also to look at the future that we’re walking into. So if you had love, care, nurture, support growing up, and right now you’re doing okay and you’re in healthy relationships, good on the world that raised you the way you needed it. And if you didn’t, and right now you have all these challenges in your life, I want you to know the following. That it does not mean that’s going to be the story for the rest of your life unless you choose not to do anything about it, and not take responsibility for your healing, and not take responsibility for potentially the need to re-mothered. Here are 5 keys how to re-mother yourself.

1. You Need to Have Patience

How long did it take for you to grow up? It’s relevant to how old you are but those first few years. It took some time for those neural pathways to get developed for your ability or inability to trust the world to get established, for your communication patterns to be rooted into your mind, for the way you process your emotions to be able to manifest, it took a while. And now you’ve said, “Okay well, I need to be re-mothered now.” It ain’t going to happen now. You got to be patient in this process. Patience is a virtue. Patience is something that lacks in our society. Patience is something that lacks on an individual level. Because we are all transformed into these damn instant gratification junkies that want everything to happen right now. And if you want to be re-mothered that is whole and healthy and loving and nurturing, and like I say every week and I’ll continue to say it every week, direction is more important than speed. So as long as you’re going in the right direction you’re going to get there but you have to have patience to do it.

2. Learning that Discipline is a Good Thing

Who would have thought that discipline is a good thing? Oh my God, it is discipline. Unfortunately in our society it has been entwined or intertangled or bunched together with negative connotations. When someone is bad they must be disciplined, when something has gone wrong it needs to have discipline to course correct it. There’s a time and place for that. However discipline, true discipline, has nothing to do with the actions you’ve taken or haven’t taken. Discipline has to do in the present moment, on a day-to-day basis, how you live your life. Are you willing to do the things you need to do even when you don’t want to do them? Are you willing to do the things that you need to do even when it’s uncomfortable to do them? Are you willing to sacrifice some of your pleasure and leisure to take care of business in order to create times to have pleasure and leisure in the the future? Discipline is a very powerful thing. It’s the key to success in the recovery process, the key to success in life, in business, in school, in relationships. Those who have discipline are the ones who succeed. Because if not, you just wake up and you say, “I’m the spontaneous type and I like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I like to do what I feel like doing.” Man, you’re going to live such a mediocre life. You’re never going to feel like doing the things you need to do all the time. Discipline, structure and it’s things we need. A lot of people come from homes like a divorced household, or a split marriage household, for a fact that the guilt that existed in mom or dad or both was so high sometimes that they just let you get away with whatever you wanted to get away with. There was no discipline. You turn into their friend, you turn into their homie that you could do whatever wrong, or no one’s supervising you. There was no discipline. So if you lack discipline growing up and no one’s around, I mean no one’s disciplining adults right now,  so you got to discipline yourself. That’s a form of re-mothered self-care. It’s the key.

3. Learn how to have Balance in your Life

If you never had someone to care for you must learn how to have balance in your life in order to care for the mind, the body, the spirit, the soul of you. How do you live a balanced life? A lot of people say they struggle with balance. The reason why they struggle with balance is because they struggle with balance on a day-to-day basis. See, if you want to have balance in your life here’s the tip. You got to have balance in your day. So if you want to feel rested in life, if you want to feel like you’re having fun in life, if you want to feel like you’re moving forward in life, if you want to feel like you have relationships and social relationships and personal relationships and downtime in a balanced way in your life, then you’re responsible for creating all of that in one day. If you have it for one day, you have a balanced day, if you repeat that process the next day, the next day, the next day for seven days in a row you will have experienced potentially for the first time, your first balanced week in life. Put four of those weeks together and you might have a balanced month. Put 12 of those months together and you’re going to have a balanced year and you no longer will struggle with balance. And how do we have balance in our day? Well, look at all the things you need in your life. You need rest, you need nutrients, you need fun, you need work, you need passion, you need socialization. Okay, eight hours of it, give or take, go to rest. If you’re sleeping at midnight and waking up at 5: if you’re sleeping late watching TV, this and that and you’re tired in the morning you just caused balance to not exist in your life. It has nothing to do with life. So eight hours of it goes to sleep. Eight hours of it could go to work, whether you’re home, or in the office, or go to school, whatever, it is eight hours of that. There’s eight hours left. If you do not incorporate balance in those eight hours you will not have a balanced life. Spend some time eating stuff that’s nutrious and balanced that feeds you, that fuels you. Spend some time talking to people that you love and care for. Spend some time doing something that’s fun for you. Spend some time doing something for your body. Spend some time, whatever else the other things you need in life to have balance, do it one day, you have a balanced day. Do it every day and you got a balanced life. Some people say every day is a little too much for them. Well, guess what? Either you’re gonna do it or you’re not. Either you’re gonna have balance in your life or you’re not. I personally don’t care what you do or not. I do, I got structure, I got discipline, I got balance, that’s how I have this vitality to do what I do. And if you’ve never seen me talk before and you’re just watching for the first time go watch the past four years of videos. Every single time I’m just like this. The only way I show up like this is because I have balance in my life.

4. Have Compassion and Unconditional Positive Regard

If you’re trying to mother yourself have some compassion for the self. Remember, if you came from a traumatic upbringing, if you didn’t have love, if you didn’t have nature, if you didn’t have nurture, if you didn’t have support, guess what? There’s still a wounded child inside of you. That wounded child is who you are trying to mother, and if something or someone is wounded and you don’t have compassion towards that person what does it say about you? I know you’re not cold and callous and harsh but if you don’t have compassion for your wound itself you’re not doing a good job in the re-mothering regard. What does that mean? No matter what you do when you’re trying to change, don’t be so harsh on yourself. You will make mistakes and that’s okay. You will struggle with your transformation and that’s okay. Just have unconditional positive regard. Because you’re trying the best you can to change these multigenerational patterns.

5. Break the Cycle

Show up as the person you always needed but never had. Show up as that maternal role that gives love, nurture, caring to self and to others. If enough people break the cycle and remother themselves when needed they will be able to transform this freaking world. However, despite the fact that probably millions of people need to do it only a fraction of them actually do and that’s just human nature I guess.

Call Buckeye Recovery Today!

Are you in recovery but not making progress? Recovery is not only possible but attainable, and it all begins with reaching out for assistance. By addressing both addiction and mental health issues, individuals can break free from the cycle of despair and embark on a path to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Contact Buckeye Recovery Network today and initiate your journey to recovery and improved mental health. Our dedicated team of professionals is here to guide and support you every step of the way.

Today is going to be the best day of your life.

Kelsey Gearhart

Director of Business Development

Kelsey carries multiple years of experience working in the substance abuse and mental health treatment field. Her passion for this field comes from her personally knowing recovery from addiction.

Prior to Buckeye she held titles of Recovery Coach, Operations Director, and Admissions Director. Kelsey was brought on at Buckeye Recovery as the Director of Business Development. She has a passion for ensuring every individual gets the help that they need, and does so by developing relationships with other providers.

Kelsey also oversees our women’s sober living environments – The Chadwick House for Women. She is committed to creating a safe, nurturing, and conducive environment for all women that walk through the doors of Chadwick.