COVID-19 Update: We are currently accepting new clients with increased safety measures. LEARN MORE ›

8 Lessons Taught by Trees for Life and Recovery

Alrighty, what up everyone! We are back for another education and support group here with your host, Parham. Grateful to have another Saturday with you all and another opportunity to be able to connect with you with the ultimate intention and hope to provide you with some information that’s going to help you in your healing, recovery and transformation journey. I’ll even take that one step further. I hope just help you out in life I think we all need a little bit of support when it comes to it, myself included. So as we’re waiting for our friends to show up here, at least the live viewers. I know many of you watch this in recording later on but I’ll do a quick introduction of myself and what you can expect here on this live stream. 


So my name is Parham. I do this for the most part I’ll say 40 Saturdays in the year. It used to be a little bit more but I got this pickleball obsession and their Saturday tournaments and stuff take me away from you. But I do this frequently and the whole intention of it is for anyone who has ever experienced any type of pain as a result of mental illness, addictions, trauma, or grief and loss, to be able to come here and get some information, to help them heal, help them move forward. I have a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, so when you hear me talk clinical terms I’m not just winging it. I do have the educational foundation to do so. I am in personal recovery myself. June 13th of 2008 is the day that I said that the way I’m living my life ain’t working no more. I have to try something else and I didn’t want to at first, but I really needed to. I always tell people, when people change, when the desire to change becomes more than the desire to stay the same, that’s it right there – that’s the secret sauce. I also teach community college at Saddleback which is a local community college here in Orange County. It’s a good establishment. I also coach high school basketball. Been doing that for 15 years and as I said I’ve recently been into the whole world of competitive pickleball and trying to challenge myself physically, mentally, and also emotionally, to be able to improve in that realm. So hopefully my personal background, my professional background, my education, my experience gives the platform for me to speak to you and for you to receive something from what I’m saying. 


As you can see when the viewers come on like counselor Jim, Bita, Jessica, Mom and Dad, they gotta be there, whenever they pop up I can put up your comments and I can put up your questions and I can give you feedback in real time. If anything I’m saying is pertinent or if you’re just like, “Hey, I have some questions about X Y and Z. Can you please answer them for me?” As long as it’s relatively close to the recovery, healing and transformation space I got you. So before we get into today’s talk which are going to be some lessons that we learn from Mother Nature and one of its messengers, known as trees, I just want to let you know that every talk I ever do is dedicated to one thing and one thing only and that’s dedicated to the possibility of human transformation. I believe that all human beings, including this person sitting in front of you right now in the camera, has the ability to transform who they are, how they live their life, the things that they do, the things they don’t do, things they engage with in any given moment you choose to. So if you look around your world and you say, “What? This isn’t it!” you have the transformative power in this moment to change the way the story looks, and the only person that can actually do that is yourself. I could provide some inspiration, I can even give you some motivation, but it’s going to go away unless you keep that fire, you keep that fan, you fan that fire yourself. 


So the eight lessons taught by trees. 

  1. Number one, trees teach us to spread our roots and in our world it’s called building a foundation. And how do we know that by trees? Well, when you look at a tree the next time, whether it’s a 5 foot tree, a 10 foot tree, 20 foot tree, 100 foot tree, I want you to know that the roots of that tree go down into the Earth as high as that tree goes into the sky. And if you’re wondering that’s really fascinating, guess what? The roots of that tree, when it’s down into the dirt, they actually spread up to five times the size of its canopy. The canopy is all the leaves and the branches and everything like that. So when you see a tree that’s really robust and really full on the top just know in order for that tree to be able to stand it has a foundation underneath that is just as wide. Now in recovery we tell everyone to build a foundation, build a foundation, build a foundation. Why do we say that? Because without the depth of the foundation, without the width of the foundation, when life happens to you it could be enough to break your being, break your spirit, break your soul, and the only way you can withhold and withstand the blind twists and turns of this thing called life is by building your foundation, having roots that are deep into the ground, into the soil of your life, and are wide enough to sustain the various challenges that you will endure. Not ‘may endure’ but that you ‘will endure.’ If you think that you’re going to go through this life without any type of challenges and obstacles that are really going to test the trunk of your tree which is you, you’re lying to yourself. Let kids lie to themselves. Adults don’t do it. Don’t do it. There’s no need to lie to yourself and say you don’t need a foundation, because guess what? For some of you, the foundations that you were gifted growing up might have not been good foundations. Maybe you did not have the ability to fully manifest into who and what you need to be. It’s your responsibility now to build the foundation that you might have never gotten. I know somebody else should have built it for you – Mom or Dad should have helped you build a foundation. They should have set you up for life, but they were trying the best with what they had. And lately I’ve been on this kick of telling people, “Whenever you get frustrated with the people in your life about what they did or did not do for you, please practice the following. Take a deep breath, tap into this thing called empathy that we all are capable of doing, and realize that everyone else in this planet Earth is also going through life for the very first time. These moms and dads that are supposed to know it all, they’re going through Earth for the very first time. The only difference they have is sometimes they’re just 20 years ahead of you or 30 years ahead of you or 40 years ahead of you, that’s it. And if you’re someone that’s 20 or 30 or 40 years old now and you look and say you don’t really know much in life, just know that maybe at some point in their life they were the same. And if you can’t really understand that and let go of any type of animosity you hold towards people who didn’t do X Y and Z in your life, then you’re really not tapping into this potential of empathy and how it frees us from judgment towards others.” We’re all going through this thing for the first time. We’re all going to make mistakes. Don’t ever forget that.


  1. So the next one that we have here is from trees we learn to take your time, have some patience. Nobody in recovery wants to take their time because first of all, everyone’s instant gratification junkies in this world. Not just people with drug and alcohol addictions. People with every type of lifestyle, love everything now. Nobody likes to wait. Nobody likes to be patient. Nobody likes to go through processes. They want it to happen and they want it to happen now. Well, my perfect analogy for this that I’ve used before is we all know what apples are. We love apples, and by the way, “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” is not just some random saying that sounds cute. There are actually things within apples that will improve your health, your skin, your digestion. There are vitamins in there that you actually need. There is stuff in there that will help you feel full and healthy. So eat an apple a day and I’m not associated to any apple businesses out there trying to sell my product, but apples are good for you. We all know what apples are – go put an apple seed in the ground, find some really good dirt that’s got some nice soil, minerals in it, put an apple in the ground and then I want you to eat the apple. You might say there’s no apple to be eaten, it’s still dirt, and then you might wait a week or two weeks or three weeks or 30 days or 60 days or 90 days like some of you do. And you sit and you say, “I want my apple, it’s not there. What it’s all? A scam? These apple seeds don’t turn into apples. These apple seeds don’t turn into plants and trees that grow fruit. It’s all BS.” And people say, “I’m leaving this dirt because there’s no apples here.” A year or two later that tree is manifested, it’s got some apples hanging on it and that’s what we learn from trees. Some of you are planting seeds in your recovery in this moment right now and you’re waiting for the fruit of it and it’s not showing up at the speed or the pace or the cadence that you want it to. And guess what you say? “This recovery stuff doesn’t work. I planted some seeds. I want to reap the benefits of it but there’s nothing to be seen.” Patience. Just chill, just wait. Keep the tree and the seed exposed to the right environments. That apple’s going to need water, it’s going to need nutrients, it’s going to need sunlight, going to need oxygen, for it to happen. What do you need in your recovery? Because if you suffocate yourself from the things you need and the things that you are going to pull from in order for your seed to grow, if you suffocate it, it’s not going to happen. And then you’re going to say it doesn’t work. It ain’t about the tree, it ain’t about the seed, it’s about the patience. So we learned that from these majestic beings called trees.


  1. The next one that we learn from trees is learning how to weather the storm. This is the strength and resiliency of human beings. If you’re watching this right now I want you to know this. I had this talk with our program participants this morning at 8:30. Around 8:40 I was telling this one. I said, “You have weathered so many storms in your life. You go back from the time you were a kid and think about what you’ve endured, some of the psychological, some of the emotional, and for some of you the physical and the sexual abuse you’ve endured, some of the abandonment, the traumas, the grief and loss, moving, all these things that you’ve gone through in life. Look at what you’ve endured. And guess what? You are still here, whether by choice or by force, listening to me talking. You are still here. You are capable of weathering storms just like trees. You look at those category two, category three, four, five hurricanes, and you look at those tornadoes, natural disasters that just destroy and havoc towns and man-built stuff. But then you see all these trees that somehow survived it. They can weather the storm. Yeah, some of them do break, don’t get me wrong. Maybe they’re old, maybe they’re dry, maybe just their time came, but there’s all these trees that are just still there despite the hurricane, despite of the tornado, and you’re still there so that shows we have the same strength to persevere as trees do. Don’t ever forget that, and always remember, whatever storm you are going through in life right now, some of you are going through a storm, could be a financial storm, an emotional storm, a grief and loss storm, an addiction storm a health storm, you might be going through some storms right now in your life. And in this moment you have the ability to weather that storm. How do I know it? All you have to do is look at your past and answer the following question: Have I weathered other storms in my life? If the answer is yes you will continue to be able to do so. We learned that from trees, we apply it in real life. It’s a beautiful thing.


I think there’s a comment here, let’s see what it says. Yep Jim, you have been weathering the storm, been doing a lot of that recently and still doing well. Some storms come in the form of health challenges. They require us to go to doctors and potentially have little procedures done on our limbs like our feet, like Jim and there might be some complications as a result of doing so that makes us go back into the the doctor’s office and have a lot of uncertainty and unknowns about what’s next and what’s next and what’s next. But when you go, when you first of all know that you’ve been able to weather storms in your life and this is just another one, and you go into it with the right attitude and the right mindset, you will be able to weather the next one. It’s just a matter of remembering the lesson and remembering who and what we are capable of. Thank you, Jim.


  1. The next one we have here is creating a tree unity. Sounds corny but I like it. I got the inspiration to do this talk actually just looking at a tree one day, but also a documentary I watched that just really dove deep into the the majestic powers of trees. And there was one thing in there that just blew me away. So we all know what a forest is, right? Like a rainforest, hundreds of thousands, millions of trees just living side by side. Earlier today I shared with you that the trees all have a specific foundation – the same height it goes up, it goes down into the ground, the same width of the canopy. It can go up to five times the width of the canopy in the roots underneath. Now if you have hundreds of thousands of trees around that means all of the roots eventually become intertwined, connected. Human beings are the same way. Some of you think that in isolation and by yourself you’re actually okay. It might be okay at times but without having a unity of cooperation with other human beings that are all connected, their foundations are all connected, we have challenges. Because this is what happens in the tree world. You might not know that if all these trees are connected underneath the ground through their roots through their foundation, what happens is they send signals and messages to each other. Some of you might have already known that and some of you might think I’m crazy right now. But trees communicate with one another in a very very highly intelligent way through their roots. And here’s the type of power that communication has. When there are some trees somewhere in the forest that are struggling because they’re not receiving the proper sunlight or nutrients or water, guess what? They all come together and they all start to recruit and gather and send what is necessary for their fellow tree somewhere down the forest to receive what it needs, with the hope that it’s going to be alright. And oftentimes trees rescue each other that way and help each other that way. And as human beings sometimes you watch another human being suffer and you’re like, “Oh that’s not me, that’s not my life. They should go get a job. They should stop being so weak.” And what if that person’s endured 30 years of horrific complex trauma and they don’t know what to do in this thing called life? I’m not saying you got to go there and give them handouts. Maybe go hold their hand metaphorically. I’m not saying you got to go there and give them your hard-earned money because you worked hard and they’re too lazy to work. Can’t stand it when people do that stuff. Go in there and give them some of your attention. Give them a conversation. Humanize them in that moment. But some people are too cool for that. They’re willing to talk to people that got something to give them but if somebody doesn’t have anything to give somebody, they’re not even going to waste their time. And that’s the difference between human beings and trees. Trees don’t discriminate when someone needs something somewhere. They show up and if you fall in the school of thought or the category that you take a lot of false pride in the fact that you’re such a hard worker and there’s lazy bums out there pause, have a little empathy and compassion and realize that no human being wants to be living like an animal on the streets. What has happened to their life that’s led to that? Because for some of you who are really disciplined and hardworking, this and that, some of you probably had some disadvantageous upbringings. But maybe some of you just had some decent upbringings, an average life, a healthy life. You had something called a mom or a dad and you didn’t get severely traumatized or abused and you didn’t live under the means of poverty your whole life. And because of all that you’re able to become a certain way. What if you didn’t have all that? What if your life was genuinely different, like a lot of our population that are struggling, that are homeless? Could you honestly say that you’d be exactly the way you are? We forget all that stuff because we like to put ourselves on a higher pedestal. Because when we make ourselves better than someone else it feels good. But it really shouldn’t – that’s called false pride. I get so sad when someone just says something super inappropriate or mean or harsh to some homeless person, “Go get a job you lazy MF!” It’s like, “Bro, who wants to be that? You think that person really truly wants to be that? And then you got to kick them when they’re down? Let’s cooperate with each other. Let’s support each other.” I’m not saying you got to go help somebody with money that you worked so hard to get, but at least go be a human being and say, “It must be really hard to be the way you are right now, man, keep fighting, keep being strong. I see you. You’re a human, why not?”


Oh there’s Eileen, long time no see. “Joining you back a little late today. Happy to be back. Surrounding ourselves with positive supportive people makes such a difference in weathering the storms.” Absolutely! Good to see your feedback. We missed you. 


  1. The next one I have here is learning – we learn from trees how to adapt and regenerate. Trees are fantastic like that, aren’t they? Spring comes and these trees get life. They get green, they get full, they get beautiful, they smell good. It’s like it’s a whole different vibe that they have. And that’s like when things are going good in life everybody feels good. You got a little pep to your step and then all of a sudden the summer comes and potentially droughts come, and the heat waves come, and the tree got to make some adjustments. It’s not getting the same stuff it used to get and it’s got to make some adjustments. And some of you might be in a tight spot right now and you’re in a drought, you’re not receiving what you need. Can you adjust and adapt to the environment? And then trees, when the winter, when the fall comes around they start to change their colors. Man they start to go from this beautiful green life, from green to these very very beautiful colors of red, yellow, orange and they’re just going through this transformative stage and you might be wondering if you’ve never seen it before. Growing up you’re like what is going on? It’s because they’re adjusting and adapting to different things, different ways of light, less light. They can’t be the same way, right? More temperature changes – it can’t be the same way. More weight on the tree – it can’t be the same way – it’s just changing and changing and evolving and adapting. And human beings, we’re the same thing – we go through life, we go through our various seasons. Can you adapt and adjust? I believe you can. How do I know that? Because you have in your life, not once, not twice, not 10 times, not a thousand times, but all the time. You are constantly adapting and regenerating, and I want you to know this. There’s nothing wrong with saying that you will regenerate and self-heal. Sometimes people wait and they wait and they wait and guess what? They want the person that harmed them, that hurt them, that wounded them, to come and apologize to them, so they can start the healing process. They want other people to come help them and heal them and rescue them so they can heal. But my friends, here’s the question. What if that person never comes? What if that apology never comes? What if that human that’s supposed to save you never comes? And then what? You’re just bleeding. You’re just wounded, you’re just hurt, yes other people did it to you, but if nobody comes to help you heal what’s the only option left? Continue to be in pain, continue to struggle, continue to live in agony, or start the self-healing process. You look at the body and it teaches us something.  The human body. By the way, you are not your body, you are a human being that has a physical body. You are a spiritual being that has a physical body. But the human body teaches us that it’s capable of regenerating. You ever broken anything? It’s painful. Things out of alignment. Sometimes they put screws in it, put casts on it, time goes by, it heals. You ever got a really bad bruise, like you hit your leg on something and you’re like, “Oh my God, this is going to bruise so bad,” and it is swollen. And the next morning you wake up it’s like this big black ball of just bruise, of dead blood underneath the skin. You’re like, oh my goodness. The next day it gets even worse and you’re like, “Oh this is looks horrible! Am I going to be okay?” And then two weeks later there’s nothing there. Self-healing. Regenerate. Our brain can do the same thing too. We got this thing called brain plasticity. Brain can reform new neuropathways. The brain can restore ability to not only receive information, but comprehend it. Remember our executive functioning? Our decision-making of the brain can actually improve and heal. So it’s showing us it’s capable. Now can we do it with our mind and our heart and our soul? The answer is yes. Trees do it, we can do it.


See what we got here. We got Alvira Mona, good morning to you! Who do we got here? This is staff over at Pacific Sands. Good, good, what’s up? “Repetitive patterns of trauma in today’s world. What are your recommended approaches in dealing with the nervous system reactions?” Oh that’s a deep one. So I think trauma in general is something that’s been around for a long time. Now the repetitive trauma that we’re talking about, I believe some of it comes from exposure to traumatic things we see. Right now if I go on my phone and I start looking up traumatic things I can be constantly, constantly exposed to trauma. So the first thing it would do and which it ultimately does what? Disregulated the nervous system. It puts us in a fight or flight mode. Because sometimes the brain doesn’t know if the trauma is happening to someone else or if it’s happening to us. There’s something called vicarious trauma and that’s downloading the trauma of other people. So what the first thing I would recommend to do to chill out the nervous system is to limit your exposure when and if possible to any type of trauma. Now some of the trauma might be in your own world, in your own life, in your your own history, past, present, that stuff if you’re in a treatment facility for. The first and foremost thing you got to do is first of all you got to discontinue the use of any type of substances, any type of negative coping skills, any type of maladaptive behaviors. And it’s going to be difficult at first because when you stop all that, what happens? All of that trauma that’s living inside of you is going to come up, right? However you have to feel it to heal it. See, all of those things prevent us from feeling the trauma. It’s just like sweeping it under the rug. But you got to feel it to heal it. So there are forms of treatment. I was actually sharing this with some program participants. EMDR is something I strongly suggest and recommend. EMDR is made for trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder complex. Post-traumatic stress disorder it’s something that we can have a talk on one day. I could bring in a trauma therapist to educate you on it. Then there’s other things too which has to do with learning how to regulate the nervous system through other ways. The most effective and quick one to do is just breathing. I like to tell people when’s the last time you took a conscious breath? And unless you’re exposed to some type of breath work or meditation, most people just go through life and the day starts and the night ends. They breathe hundreds of thousands of times but none of them are ever conscious. None of them is ever like that. And if you repeat that a few times your nervous system which is in fight or flight, and people that have a history of trauma, their nervous system is always in fight or flight – it slows it down. And then you’re able to think a little bit more clearly. But absolutely, it’s the patterns of trauma in this world right now, it’s intense. But I do believe that we have the ability to set boundaries of who and what we expose ourselves to. Sometimes people with trauma get into relationships with people that repeat the same process with them because of their unhealed trauma. That’s how sometimes you go in a new relationship and it’s somehow the same damn relationship as before, just a different name and a different setting. But it’s like, how does this keep happening to me? It’s not about them. I know you want to say this person was a narcissist and the next one was a narcissist and this and that. It has to do with you and why you allow yourself to be exposed to that repetitive trauma. It’s the unhealed stuff. So when you heal you can move forward. It takes some time. And remember we are talking about patience over there and if you’re working through trauma, complex trauma that you’ve had for years and decades, just don’t expect that in 30, 60, 90 days you’re going to be okay. It might take a couple years to get through it and that’s okay. Because we’re thinking long game, macro level view. So hopefully that helped. 


“Adapting to different situations makes a person more resilient and less vulnerable to adversity.” Absolutely! Resiliency is a beautiful human trait. I believe that people in recovery demonstrate it well. “If I can’t accept or forgive the only one to suffer is me.” Yep, isn’t that funny? Someone does wrong to us and we don’t want to forgive it or forget it or accept it and that person goes off and lives their life, and then we sit there suffering. In the program it says, “Don’t allow other people to take space in your mind.” Your mind is more valuable and important than that. So what do we got here, my friends? We keep on going. Good question by the way over there at the Pacific Sands.


  1. The next one says stand tall with pride. That’s what we learn from trees. Most people that come into recovery, this is how they appear. There’s shame, there’s guilt, there’s physical pain. There is no self-esteem, confidence and why should there be? I mean one definition of self-esteem is doing esteemable acts and not many people do that many esteemable acts when they’re out there using and drinking. So as a default they don’t stand tall, but you look at trees and you see how they stand tall and even the ones that don’t stand perfectly tall are still standing perfectly tall for themselves. Like I got this cactus and this cactus is like this, instead of like this. It’s like this but damn, it’s so perfect because it’s standing as tall as it could. And what happens is through the process of recovery, through the process of applying some of this stuff, we begin to develop self-esteem, self worth, identifying our values, looking in mirrors and liking the reflection, helping out human beings and feeling like we’re a part of this greater scheme of life. And as a result you start to sit a little taller, start to stand a little taller and that’s my hope for people to learn from trees. They all stand pretty tall they none of them are perfect. By the way I highly doubt you can actually go get a perfectly straight tree. That’s something we’ll talk about here in a second but the one about the next one is about this thing called winter dormancy. It’s just called rest. We talked about the different seasons with trees and when winter comes around there’s a lot of snow happening in most places. There is a lot of just rainfall water weight and these branches they just can’t handle anymore. So it’s got to shed everything it has to get as light as possible. It has to eliminate everything that’s unnecessary and yes sometimes what’s unnecessary at some point is necessary. Like in the spring those green leaves are needed for the life of the tree, for the oxygen we breathe, but in the winter time you just got to let go of it. Some of you are going through winters of your life right now. I know it’s almost the summer but some of you are going through winters and you got to have some type of rest, you got to have some type of strategy and plan to be able to endure the heaviness of the life. And rest doesn’t always happen. We’re not going to hybernation – we’re not bears, we’re humans, a little bit different animal. We don’t need to go sleep for two three months and pop out and just be like, “Yo, I’m ready for life,” but every day you got to make sure you’re putting some rest in there. Every week some rest in there. Because life is tough, man. Without rest we struggle.


What do we got here? “Thank you so much for explaining that. Now if someone has hurt you sexual or physical trauma and they have since passed away how do you go about forgiving them? Thanks man!” You’re very welcome. This one’s tough because here’s the thing I always talk about. There’s a distinction between fault and responsibility. For those of you who heard me talk before I’m sorry but this is a new question for this group of people. There are often many things in life that are not our fault. For example, someone that was hurt sexually or physically I’m not going to ever tell somebody that’s your freaking fault. That’s the definition of someone that got wounded by the hands of another human being. And now especially you add another layer to that – if that person was a child I’m never going to sit and say it’s that person’s fault, never even like remotely hint at it. Because it’s categorically false and not true. Now that child or that person has moved forward in life, adolescence, adulthood, and now they’re starting to have challenges and issues in their own life because of the wounds of the past. They can’t trust other people, they’re afraid of intimacy, they’re afraid of vulnerability, they’re getting in relationships where somehow they’re recreating the same unfortunate life situations again. And the person that harmed them 5, 10, 15 years ago is no longer on this planet. So here’s the thing and this is a tough pill to swallow for this person that’s experienced this. Even though the harm, the violence, the assault, the sexual nature of it was not that person’s fault, that human being right now in this moment is actually responsible for healing from it. Please hear me. I did not say they’re responsible for what happened. It’s someone else’s fault and shame on them. But now that wounded soul is responsible for the work they have to do to heal from it. One of those things is to be able to work through that. I’m not going to say you have to forgive them. I’m not going to say you have to forget it. I’m not going to say you have to accept it. I don’t know what that looks like for the individual but it’s to work through that. And if you think that’s not possible my strong suggestion to many people is to go read the autobiography of Oprah Winfrey. Please read her early developmental years of childhood adolescence. Please notice what she endured physically and sexually by the hands of multiple human beings, some very close to her family. Please understand what that person went through, then you look at who that person has become in life. The empowerment, the way that the helping of community, societies, the altruism, the good person that a lot of us have a connotation with. So if it’s possible for her it’s possible for you. And also I’ve worked with some people through the domestic violence world and some of the strongest humans I’ve ever met in my life are those who have endured physical or sexual abuse. Once they work through it they stand in front of crowds with pride, tall, talking with direct communication, assertive. No one’s taking their power away. So it’s not easy to do. I’m not going to say you can just be like, “I forgive them for what they’ve done.” But the problem here is if you don’t find a way to work through it you will continue to be held hostage to something that happened years ago. And guess what? It’s going to impact your future for years to come. So if you choose your future over your past you got to find a way to process through it. That’s as far as I can get to without having specifics. Jessica: “I’m moving over to LA with family that lives there, probably Monday. I need to talk to you at some point. I would like to come those in-person things you guys have been doing.” Okay yeah, we still do them. Come on down. Tuesdays at 6:30 pm, depending on where you’re coming from. LA it might be a really nasty drive to Huntington Beach with traffic but at least it’s not Florida so if you come down yeah reach out to me. I’ll give you more information about it. You’re always welcome to come, always free of charge, so looking forward to having you there. Marilyn, what’s up? Eileen: “I found that a powerful tool for healing pain from someone who has passed away is writing a letter to them and then write a letter to you from that person with the words that would help heal.” That’s 100% powerful. It’s when the person’s ready to do that and it’s a letter and they passed away, so you can write whatever the hell you want in it. Don’t hold back and just get out all your emotions and feelings. Tell them what they’ve done to you, how they’ve impacted you, how they’ve harmed you, and then what happens is whenever you’re ready you receive the letter from that person from yourself to that person. And that person can write you back some stuff and sometimes hearing what you need to hear is a very nice way to get a different perspective. It’s a good tool. People got to be ready for it but I would I would stand by that, especially if there was no trauma and abuse. If it’s someone you just missed that just passed away it’s so healing to do that.


  1. The very last one I have here my friends is this thing called finding your own fingerprint, letting go of perfectionism. You cut a tree and it’s got these rings inside of it and those rings demonstrate a lot of different things. It shows the tree’s age, shows a little bit about its background, its history, but it also is powerful because none of those rings look the same in any tree. I’m assuming at this point you all know that out of the 8.5 billion people on this planet Earth none of us have the same fingerprints. That’s why you can go put your fingerprint on something and they know it’s you. Pretty interesting. And all the other 8.5 billion people that’ll be born one day or won’t have the fingerprints, we got either it’s bizarre, I don’t know how that works out. I don’t understand barcodes and those QR codes. Anyway so it’s the human version of that but what trees teach us is to just be authentically, genuinely yourself. Trees don’t compete with each other trying to be like, “Oh I want to be like that tree, or that tree is better than me.” They’re just cool with who they are. Human beings unfortunately compare ourselves to other trees despite of our uniqueness and individuality and we hope or think that we’re supposed to be something we’re not. What if I told you you’re exactly who and what you need to be? Can you find ways to embrace that, to own it and please let go of this thing called perfectionism? Because I’ve tried in my life ever since I was a child, and my mom here could verify that. My nickname growing up was Mr Perfect, and if I did not do things perfectly I would have a significant problem psychologically, emotionally, physically, all that stuff until one day I realized that perfect is the enemy of good enough. And I just started doing things good enough and I started to own who and what I am and the way I am and be okay with it. There’s a campaign out there called the Perfectly Imperfect campaign and I believe that all people are perfectly imperfect. Now you might not believe that yet because you haven’t done the work necessary to find out that the version of you, might not be the version you want to be, but there’s a version of you available at any given moment that you can start taking towards steps to becoming. And once you become that you’ll understand what I’m talking about.


So in conclusion, today we talked about trees. Can you imagine someone just walked on right now and just started watching go, “You guys talked about trees? What the hell is this channel? They told me to go watch.” In conclusion, today we talked about trees and the various things, so number one spread your roots, develop a foundation. Number two, remember everything in life takes time. Good things happen over time. You have to have patience. The apple seed does not become an apple overnight. Make sure that you weather all the storms in your life and if you don’t think you can just remember the storms you already have and that’s enough evidence and proof that whatever the hell comes your way in the future you’ll be alright. The next one is create a tree unity. Make sure you cooperate with all living beings and human beings. They’re all just going through this planet Earth for the first time. The next one is remember that to adapt and regenerate you have the power to self-heal. Learn how to stand tall, be proud of at least your accomplishments. If you don’t know what they are just look a little deeper – you’ve accomplished a lot in life, be proud of that. Next one is winter dormancy – make sure that you rest or else it’s tough to go through this thing called life on empty. And the very last one is find your own fingerprint. Be unapologetically, authentically, radically yourself, because everybody else is already taken. So with all that being said, I love and appreciate all of you. I look forward to being back next week, same time, same place for another family education support group. Feel free to share this talk with anyone you like on our YouTube, on our Facebook. Just send it around and reach out to me with any type of questions or comments you have or any topics you want for next week. I will gladly start incorporating other people’s topics instead of coming up with my own. And all that being said see you guys soon and have a wonderful weekend. Bye everyone!

Call Buckeye Recovery Today!

Are you in recovery but not making progress? Recovery is not only possible but attainable, and it all begins with reaching out for assistance. By addressing both addiction and mental health issues, individuals can break free from the cycle of despair and embark on a path to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Contact Buckeye Recovery Network today and initiate your journey to recovery and improved mental health. Our dedicated team of professionals is here to guide and support you every step of the way.

Today is going to be the best day of your life.

Kelsey Gearhart

Director of Business Development

Kelsey carries multiple years of experience working in the substance abuse and mental health treatment field. Her passion for this field comes from her personally knowing recovery from addiction.

Prior to Buckeye she held titles of Recovery Coach, Operations Director, and Admissions Director. Kelsey was brought on at Buckeye Recovery as the Director of Business Development. She has a passion for ensuring every individual gets the help that they need, and does so by developing relationships with other providers.

Kelsey also oversees our women’s sober living environments – The Chadwick House for Women. She is committed to creating a safe, nurturing, and conducive environment for all women that walk through the doors of Chadwick.