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9 Principles of Change

Good Morning, Good Morning everyone! What is up? Welcome back to another live stream here hosted by myself, Parham, on our channel here, Buckeye Recovery Network, whether you’re watching this on YouTube or you’re watching this on Facebook live it is April 13th of 2024 and it’s 9:15 Pacific Standard Time. So that’s the live stream of this. Now I know some of you watch this later. Wherever you are, however you may watch this, you’re welcome here, and I hope that the content provided in, not just today but all of our live streams provides you with the tools, the space, the access to create lasting changes in your life. It’s something that we’re going to talk about in depth today. 

So let me give a quick introduction about myself until we wait for some friends to pop on. You’ll notice in the chat bars some people will come on and say where they’re from and kind of introduce themselves and you’ll kind of get an idea for who is here. For example, we got Bita there from YouTube saying “What’s up?” Good Morning! So the way this thing works is this. Oh my mom and dad are in the house, Jessica’s in the house. Okay cool, we’re getting going. So my name is Parham. I have a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. I am a licensed Addictions Counselor/ Therapist. I teach at a community college level at a local community college here in Orange County, California, teaching Family Dynamics, Family Systems, all that kind of stuff. I also coach high school basketball. That’s kind of something that I’ve been doing for a long time now, about 15 years. And for those of you who it matters to them I am in recovery myself, so June 13th of 2008 is the day that I don’t just say I got off of drugs and alcohol, because that’s barely the tip of the iceberg. I say that’s the day that I changed my life around. Because irregardless of substances there is a whole series of change that needs to happen and if that doesn’t happen the odds of going back to drugs and alcohol is significantly high. Oh yeah, we got some more people, so Jim, hey, how are you doing Bud? Hope you’re doing okay. I’ve been checking up on you with Sarah’s been giving me updates. Hossein Jan, Good Morning! Katalin, always a pleasure! We got Allan! Allan in the house from OKC. He told me anytime he sees me on these socks that means he’s doing really well so I’m gonna hold you to that Allan. Jaleh Joon, always good to see you! And so my hope is that my personal, my professional background, first and foremost my education, second my passion in this healing and transformative space, and lastly my personal experience being in recovery and just understanding this from the inside out creates the platform for me to be able to share some information with you with the intention of you listening and grasping on. Right before I come here, I do this talk for the program participants we have and it’s so funny. Man, let’s just say there’s 40 of them, right? 20 of them just do not care, I mean just like they just don’t care. It’s like, “this guy’s annoying, he’s telling us about changing our lives around, he doesn’t know who we are, he doesn’t get it, I’d rather be sleeping on a Saturday,” that’s the kind of things they think. 10 of them are kind of in between. They’re just like, “oh this is kind of cool but I don’t really want to do anything he says.” But there’s 5 or 10 that genuinely take what I say, and they think about it and reflect on it, make an action plan, and do some stuff with it. And usually those individuals, I see them a year or two years down the line, they say, “hey thank you for those Saturday talks.” You know what else they say? “My life has gotten better.” Not because of me. I’m not going to take credit for that because if I take credit for those ones I got to take credit for the kids that don’t like my face and don’t want to hear me talk. I’m not going to do that either so it’s just cool to see that this kind of stuff, this personal development stuff, helps human beings out. 

So today it’s a new talk. It’s all new content. I created it, I posted this stream today like 6:15 so I was up like at 5:30. I’m like, alright what am I going to talk about today and that’s the way it should be. If you got a group of people, even if two of them are your mom and dad watching, you still want to be prepared for the world. You never just want to show up and just say, okay what am I going to do today? And that’s important to remember that lesson. So today we’re talking about something called change. So if you’re watching this, first and foremost I hope that the only reason you’re watching this is not because you want someone else in your life to change. So some of you find these type of talks and these type of programs and these type of set because you have a loved one, someone you dearly love in your life, potentially your child, potentially your spouse, potentially your grandkid, potentially your sibling, your friend. They might be struggling with addictions and mental illness. And you’re like, alright well, I just want to help them out, that person needs to change. If that’s the mindset that you have you’re going to really struggle, not just with these type of worlds but just in life. Because there is no person who needs to change without looking at self. It’s very immature and shortsighted to think that your issues in life are solely because of somebody else. So we’re going to talk about the principles needed to change and there’s 9 of them. 

 

  1. We’ll start with the first one and that’s to remember that all behaviors are complex. So number one principle of change is to remember that all human behavior is complex, all behaviors are complex. What does that mean? There is no behavior that’s happening right now that is not tied to and connected to past life experiences and ways that individual had to adapt, cope, navigate through life. Behavior is something that’s like, why does that person keep doing it? Okay, understood. Let’s go deeper. When did this person start doing this? Because it didn’t happen right now. They’ve probably been doing these type of things for a long time now. Okay so when you identify the When and then you go back to the Why they started to do it, and you could do this with yourself, if you’re doing some things that are maladaptive or they’re not conducive or helping you in your life. It’s not like why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep doing this? Don’t do that. Go back to when you first started it and then ask yourself why did I start doing it back then? See the answers are in the digging. When you look at it from a bird’s eye view, a 360 view, you’re able to start to identify reasons for why behavior exists. And it is important for us to remember that these reasons matter and they are different for everybody. No two people usually have the same reason for doing anything. And when you understand the Why of it all, it’s going to all make sense. So don’t be too harsh on yourself. Don’t get too mad at yourself if you’re doing things that you don’t think are what you should be doing. Just keep asking yourself the Why. My main job at Buckey, my title there is a Chief Operating Officer, and I’m a clinician. My background to be an operator is a completely different world. So I read a lot of books and watch a lot of podcasts, watch a lot of YouTube videos, and listen to a lot of podcasts on interviews with COOs. I had no idea what I was doing. And one thing I came across is this thing called the Root Cause Analysis, and they do this in small to large to mega Fortune 500 companies. When something goes wrong in the operations they do a root cause analysis. So they try to dig five levels. You ask why did this happen, why did the breakdown happen? And then you go down to the next one – why did that breakdown happen? You go down the next one, why did that happen? Next one. By the time you dig five levels you’ll get to the root cause of the problem. And human beings are the same way. Sometimes we have operational issues. We’re not operating the way we need to operate, and it’s not just like, well what’s wrong with it? Dig deep, dig deep, dig deep. So your homework on that one is to realize what is it in your own life that you do that’s kind of puzzling you, and find out why it’s happening. 

And by the way, if anybody has any comments on anything I’m saying, if you write a it at the little bar I always respond to it. 

 

  1. So the next one says change is frightening. AKA change is scary. Scares the hell out of people so I want to let you know watching this right now, if I know you or don’t know you I want to let you know that if you are actively seeking to change your life I consider you a courageous human being. Why do I say that? Because people that do things that scare them are courageous. And why is change scary or frightening? Well man, the fear of the unknown. See you know what your version of life is right now and you might want a different version of life, yet you’re unable to achieve it because deep down you might be scared of what’s on the other side. People have a fear of failure, people have a fear of success, people have a fear of trying, people have a fear of not trying. Whatever those reasons are, you got to look at yourself and say, “Hey, if I want this to happen in my life then I have to do this.” And one of the best ways to increase your motivation about if you’re scared to change is, okay, don’t change, but sit down and write down the natural consequences that will happen as a result of not changing. Be honest with yourself. “If I don’t make the changes I need to make in my life today, what will my life look like a year from now? Five years from now? 10 years from now?” Write it all out and then ask yourself a simple question – “Is that the life I want?” If the answer is yes do you, I don’t care, but if the answer is no then you got to keep tapping into that courage and doing what you have to do to change and overcome that fear. If you don’t know what it looks like down the line, like if you say one year from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now, that’s what I want life to look like, if you don’t come up with a destination this is what’s going to happen. Look at your past, look at the life experience you had in your past. Look at all the different areas in your past, and just know that your future is going to look the exact same way. And you might be saying, “How dare you say that to me? Are you just projecting? Are you just guessing?” No man. Nobody ends up in a specific destination without having a destination. We just keep repeating things that are familiar.

There’s a comment up here. Oh Speredon, Maria, what’s up? Welcome! Yeah I’m glad you’re identifying with this, good. Most of the things I say hopefully are true most of the time.

 

  1. So the next one we have here is change must be positive. There’s this guy named BF Skinner, who is one of the founding fathers of contemporary psychology, did a lot of work on something called positive reinforcement. Society for a long time thinks that in order to change behavior you got to give them negative reinforcement. Like you do something bad you get punished. You do something bad man, we don’t respond that way as human beings. Now am I saying that there are negative things that potentially happen to people as a result of choices? For sure there is, because here’s the thing in life. You, my friends, are free to do anything you want to do, anything. We got free will. However you are not free from the consequences of those choices. Simple as that. So in life you’re free to do anything you want to do in life, none of my business. Just know that those actions are going to have positive or negative consequences which you are not free of. So it comes down to a choice. Again, negative reinforcement, like I was saying, it doesn’t work. It didn’t work for anybody in human history. Look at all the kids that get sent to principal’s offices, look at all the people that go to jails, look at all the people who get put on probation, on leave. It doesn’t work. Positive reinforcement creates the internal motivation to continue doing something. When you start to see positive changes as a result of the changes you’re trying to make, you’re going to do more of those changes. Make sure whatever it is you’re trying to change you find ways to enjoy it. You might not enjoy the process in the beginning because you’re looking for a specific outcome but once you learn to fall in love with the process, oh my God, does the outcome take care of itself. You got to be process driven in life, not outcome driven. The process leads to the outcome you want.

What did Jim say? “All the good things in my life today are a direct result of uncomfortable change.” Absolutely man! Embrace the discomfort you know, and make sure that you enjoy the journey. Law of the universe. I do like the laws of the universe.

 

  1. The next one we got here is something that says one of the principles of change it says is, slower is actually better. That kind of comes a little counterintuitive to people that are trying to change their lives because most humans in our society today are addicted to something called instant gratification. Now, you might think that there’s no addiction to instant gratification. Oh there is, and I’ll even go one step further. I will say that people that have drugs and alcohol dependency issues it’s not really the drugs and alcohol – it’s the instant gratification addiction that they have. Now they happen to use drugs and alcohol to get it, but instant gratification comes in so many different forms. I mean, look at social media for example. You want it now. Look at food, restaurants, you want it now. I mean, there’s people that go to a drive-thru and the line is like 30 cars long and they get pissed off. They’re like, why is it so busy? Don’t these people have a place to go? Why is it man, you’re sitting around a concrete building in your vehicle that is going to give you food through the window in a very short period of time? What’s the hustle here? What’s the pain? I got places to go. Well then, that means you just didn’t prepare. Instant gratification plagues us, and when people try to change they want it instantly also. Like homie is 100 pounds overweight and they want to lose 50 pounds in two months. Ain’t gonna happen. It’s just not. Someone has severe financial debt and they want to be debt free. It’s not going to happen that quickly. Can it at all happen? Yes, all of it can happen. Does it happen in the timeline your brain wants it to happen? Hell, no, it’s going to take a while. It’s a process. Are you willing to go on that process? I mean I say this every week for a reason and I hope some of you start to finish my sentence before I even say it. Your direction is more important than your speed. Your speed is irrelevant to change. Most people that go really hot out of the gates they fizzle away really quickly, and it’s the ones that are slow and steady, slow and steady, slow and steady, they get to where they got to get to. Because they understand that direction is more important than speed.

 

  1. The next one – this is good for family members that hold themselves hostage. It just says know more and do better. So I want to go ahead and relieve all of you humans who are holding your past self hostage for what he or she or they didn’t do. Well, here’s the thing man. People do the best they can with the information they got at the time that they do it. So if you went through an experience years ago and right now you’re looking back like, God why did I do it that way, why did I put up with it, why did I do this, why did I do that, and you’re holding yourself hostage for what you did in the past, let that go. Here’s the reason why. You, my friends, did not know any better at the time. But here’s the thing and this is the catch. And I really need you to understand this. That in life if you now know better you are solely responsible for doing better. I always tell people there ain’t no such thing as failure. If somebody comes back and has struggled or relapsed or had some behavior relapses and they’re just pissed off at themselves I’m like, “Alright you know I’m sorry you had to go through that experience, but I’m also grateful that you have to go through that experience. Here’s the reason why. I’m only grateful if you tell me what you got out of it.” If they don’t take the experience and know any better, they will (I’m not saying might, they will) repeat the past again. The same way you in your life have gone through an experience, didn’t learn from it, tell me how did it go the next time it came back around? Again, you know I rarely ever feel bad for somebody that says I don’t know why this keeps happening to me, I really don’t. And it’s not that I don’t have any empathy or compassion for that person because they’re not doing their due diligence of reflecting back on that experience, extrapolating and pulling the information they need in order to protect themselves and prevent that from happening again. Nothing in life just keeps happening to us. We have a part in everything that happens. Now, are there freak accidents in life? Yes. Alright, we’re not talking about the 1% situation or the half percent situation that may happen once in your freaking life. For the most part it’s all patterns, it’s all routines, and until you learn, the lesson’s going to keep repeating itself. I’m a college professor now so I could say this – the lessons in life continue to repeat themselves until you, the student, have understood its lesson. Now, some people do, some people don’t. I really don’t care. I work with family members that don’t understand the lesson, I work with family members that do. The ones that do, they protect themselves, they make their lives a little bit better. The ones that don’t, keep saying I don’t know why this keeps happening to us, human behavior is mysterious, you know it really is. 

“Slower pace makes you ponder more.” Yeah, slower is great. Glad that you guys are all going slow. Nothing wrong with pondering as long as pondering leads to changes in behavior. We can overthink situations and get nowhere, kind of like the car that just keeps spinning. That’s what thinking too much does. Thinking followed by action based on those thoughts, that’s the move.

 

  1. Now the next one we have here is something called your change requires structure. Now, this is a kind of a different aspect to look at because a lot of people have a negative connotation to the word structure. They believe that structure means restrictive, structure means lack of freedom, structure means lack of creativity, and structure means lack of spontaneity. None of that is true. In order to change we must be disciplined and have structure. If you don’t you’re going to fall back to your old ways. What do your old ways produce? The same outcomes they did in the past. So if you want your future to look different you must implement some structure in the present moment that will allow for that change to take place. And here’s the thing. Someone says I don’t want to live a structured life, I want to have the freedom to do what I want to do, where I want to go, all that kind of stuff. That’s okay. Within the world of structure you can structure and plan time for spontaneity. It’s not like one or the other. It’s not a binary choice. It’s not zero or one, black or white. It’s not structure or spontaneity. It could be structured spontaneity. If that doesn’t make sense to you this is what I mean by it. If you have a structured daily discipline routine Monday through Friday, Monday through Saturday, on Sunday blank out like six hours to yourself to do whatever you feel like doing that day, going wherever you feel like you need to go, just relaxing however you need to relax. Because if you don’t do it that way you’re going to start setting up times to just do what you feel like you do. Here’s the thing, man. Nobody in life ever gets to where they want to get to in life by always doing what they feel like doing most of the time. You don’t feel like doing most of the things you don’t want to do. So we got to force ourselves to go through structure, allow that to happen. I’m really big on structure in sober livings, I really am, because the individuals that are there, they need it the most. I’ve been there, done that. They need it the most because their life has no structure. I used to wake up at 11, you know 11:00 a.m. everyday, sleeping at 2 or 3, 11 is waking up. What am I going to do today? Probably just drink a bunch of alcohol and do some drugs, that was it. Today I wake up at 5 or 5:30, I’m ready to go. You don’t just go from that to this without structure. Daily progress over time and sober livings need it. I mean that’s one of the reasons why I wake them up so early on a Saturday, is to let them know that this is a life lesson, but the other reason is because there are sober livings out there, many of them, probably thousands of them just around where we live, some of them don’t care about structure. You wake up when you want to wake up, you sleep when you want to sleep, you go out when you want to go out with whoever you want. Some of them don’t even care if you use substances or not. I don’t believe in that model. I mean, how is that going to change a person’s life? So structure on a daily basis is one of the biggest life hacks to creating change. And if you don’t have a good relationship with structure I want you to rewind the tape to back when and where you created that thought process, because we all thrive with structure. Human beings are a communal society. We thrive by structure. By the way, for some of you that are like the creative types, the writers, the musicians that just need to come to you, I will tell you this. You don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to when it comes to this next thing I’m going to say. Sometimes they think, well my inspiration comes whenever it comes. I just can’t sit down and do it. I know authors, like Stephen King’s one of them, John Maxwell is one of them, they write a few pages every single day. Go listen to them talk about it. They write a few pages of their books every single day. They don’t wait till the inspiration comes. They don’t wait till the enthusiasm, motivation, the creativity comes. They just write. Good musicians don’t just say I’m just going to play music whenever I feel like it. They play music because they play music every day. So those artistic creative ones, even though you see them and you think they’re just like free spirits or whatever they are, they’re not. The really good ones live structure. You look at these great athletes – oh they’re just so talented? No they’re not, they got a structured training program. They have a structured diet, they have a structured recovery program, like a rest program. Nothing that great people do comes outside of structure. Everything I do in my life is structured and I don’t feel rigid. If anything, I feel free. I feel free to have that structure in life. So I really encourage you to start building some structure in your life. 

 

  1. The next one we have here is, practice is necessary. So anytime you start something new or you try to change something, you’re ready for this clinical term? You’re going to suck at it. That’s as a high level cerebral clinical terminology that I can use for this conversation. Anytime a human being starts something new they will not be good at it and first of all why should you be good at it? Like what’s that expectation that when I try something new I’m supposed to be good at it? No you’re not. When someone is new in recovery they are like an infant, like a child. No matter what a child does they are not good at it. I mean they can barely grab their hand and put it directly into their mouth without guidance, and we understand that about a kid. But when it’s like a 20, 30, 40 year old person we’re like, they should just be good at it by now. I know kids that they’ve never had a job in their life and I’m not even exaggerating. Never had a job in their life. Just kind of enabled by the parents. Now they’re like 30 or 60 days sober. the parents are like, “I want them to dress up and go to a job interview and get a 40 hour a week job.” I’m like, Bro, this kid could barely do chores. Like literally they could barely do chores. You tell them to go clean a countertop and they don’t know what to do. You tell them to do their laundry and they’re like tell them to go sit in a job interview with a resume and talk to somebody about a 40 hour a week job. They can’t do that kind of stuff but the parents want them to. So at early stages it needs practice, like serious practice. An easy example for some of you that might benefit from it is, let’s say that this group of 20 people watching this right now, all 20 of us have never seen or touched a piano. I’m talking about just a complete blank canvas. And some teacher comes and teaches us 15 – 20 different keys that we can hit in a sequence to create a little bit of a rhythm and we go home. 10 out of 10 of the people watching this, they don’t touch the piano, they don’t hit the keys, they don’t practice. Five of them do it twice a week, two times in that week. And five do it every day for an hour. When you come back a week later out of those 20 students what do you think’s going to happen? It’s not like rocket science to realize the outcomes of the five that practice an hour a day every day will be able to repeat and play back that exact same thing the teachers taught them, 20 keys in a sequence an hour a day. You’re going to get it. The five that practice here and there, they’re going to make a bunch of errors and they’re gonna be like, “what was the next one again? Oh I’m sorry, I’m sorry I got it now.” And the 10 that didn’t practice, they’re going to sit there wondering why the hell are they failing in life. There is no secret sauce to this stuff, my friends. If people are not achieving certain things in life they’re just not practicing at it. And yeah we all have different leans like some person might be more right brained, left brained, some person might be good with numbers, some people might be good with aesthetics and colors and designs and working with their hands, and I get all that. But regardless if you practice something all the time you’re going to get better at it. And practice is necessary, I tell the kids that I coach.

Let me see what this comment is right here. Jacob: “Oh man, saved my life on multiple different occasions.” Jacob, first of all I know you’re doing well these days and I want to let you know I’m proud of you. That’s important and I don’t know if I saved your life on multiple different occasions. Let’s just say you were probably in a dark place and struggled a little bit and I was there to give you a little compassion but you’re the one that saved yourself, dude! You got people in your corner that cared about you and then you started to care about you and then oh man, perfect! And by the way, if you’re ever wondering why when someone writes something like that why I wouldn’t take credit for it? You say you’ve saved my life on multiple different occasions. Unfortunately if I take credit for that I have to take credit for those individuals I’ve worked with in the past that unfortunately didn’t make it. So I got out of the taking credit game a long time ago when I got that lesson for the first time. So Jacob, proud of you bro, keep on keeping up! Jose: “Practicing what I learn helps me understand my shortcomings and where to get more improvement.” Yeah man, ultimately the goal is to focus on the strengths, not the shortcomings, because I think if we double down and triple down on our strengths our shortcomings start to get smaller and smaller, less noticeable. I like to always focus on positive rather than negative – it’s just the the way my brain works.

 

  1. The next one we have here says that new behaviors must be protected. So new behaviors when you’re trying to change your life around, you’re going to start coming up with some new behaviors, potentially some new ways of living life, new places you go, new people you hang out with. As a byproduct of all that you’re going to start having some changes in your life. However, think about how long, so let’s imagine we have a scale here. Back a little further on this side of the scale, on this side is all of the years you’ve lived a certain way, 20, 30, 40, 50 years. On this side of the scale is the changes that you’ve made in your life for the past few weeks, past few months, maybe past year. If you don’t protect the heck out of these changes which side is going to win every time? The old you is going to win if you don’t protect the new you. The new you cannot be exposed to the people, places and things that caused the old you to become who they became. And there’s certain times you can’t restrict yourself from everyone so you got to learn how to set boundaries. We’ll talk about that. We always have and you got to protect that and also we protect ourselves from our internal thoughts, the damn things our brain tells us about ourselves that aren’t true. That you’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough, you can’t do it, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. None of that’s true, so please please please please please learn how to protect yourself. Protect your change.

 

  1. The last one here that I have is something called small successes are big. So it’s a little play on words. When people are trying to make change in life it’s usually a drastic change, usually it’s a change that is a completely different world from the world they live in now, or on the way to there. So if you have big plans in life you better expect big failures. The bigger your goals the bigger the problems. Because there’s so many things you have to overcome to achieve them. So what happens is people make these lofty big goals and dreams and visions for themselves and you know a few weeks go by, a month goes by, sometimes a year goes by, and they’re not there. And guess what they do? It’s not working not for me, when in reality if every single time you achieved a small success you celebrated it you know. I have a good example here. We were in the back in 2008 when I was participating in some treatment program. We walked off to the grocery store so this was in Irvine. We walked off to Albertson that was really close to the house that’s what everyone did in the afternoon, and we went to go buy some food. I remember telling the the cashier, “Hey lady, I’m 10 days sober today,” and she’s like “good for you,” and I said “No no no no no I don’t think you got what I said. I’m 10 days sober today and that even includes alcohol and weed, nothing.” And she said, “well good for you!” But here’s the thing – to that lady that didn’t mean anything, nothing, but for me when I couldn’t go one day without drinking or using some type of substance, not even one day, 10 days was a freaking awesome accomplishment and I made sure I celebrated it and I make sure I celebrate. When I was in school 25 years old for God’s sakes with no college degree or any plan to finish college, I’m talking about nothing. Just some Community College units and I wanted to get a master’s degree. To go from that day to gt my master’s I’m like seven years away. So if I’m going to class and the master’s degree is not coming man that’s discouraging, but you best believe I celebrated the hell out of that first class I passed. See the little steps make the big ones. If you’re trying to lose 50 pounds or 100 pounds if you don’t celebrate the five pounds you lose you’re not going to lose that 50. You can say I’m wrong, but you know what, I’ve done it before in the past. Okay well did you keep it? Yeah that’s another thing a lot of people change and they’re like well I’ve done it in the past before. I’m like alright, well there’s one thing about changing but maintaining change is just as important. Just because you did it in the past doesn’t mean you’re able or capable of doing it because you’ve never demonstrated the ability to hold on to it. So that’s an important thing to think of there. But make sure that you celebrate the small small small victories.

Let’s see what this is. I want to read this because it took some time to write it. “I’m an extremely positive woman and I believe it’s allowed me to manage and strive and handle the heart break of loving an addict but it has taken a toll on my mental health. Now I’m processing my own work in healing to break free of this horrible cycle. As a sober person all my life it’s been an emotional traumatic life with my husband. Now we are separated and that will be the biggest uphill battle. Letting go and letting God do the rest.” Thank you for your bravery and courage to share a little bit of your truth to us. I’m glad that despite the unfortunate experience of loving somebody who is at this time incapable of loving themselves, instead of externally focusing on everything that’s going on there you’re starting to look back and reflect and introspect a little bit about your own self, your own journey, what took you to this space, and learning how to love yourself. Because when you love someone who doesn’t love themselves you stop to love yourself too. It’s just a relationship that’s void of any type of love. It’s just a toxic codependent dance that’s just as addicting as any other drug in the world. So congratulations on your journey, and it sounds like you’re making some work and making some progress and it’s going to be bumpy like we just talked. You’re making changes so this talk is really applicable to what you just shared right now, and my hope is and I’m confident that if you apply what we talked about, that you will be able to one day experience a change in your life that you’ve been wanting so desperately to achieve. And my hope is for your significant other or ex-husband or husband separated, whatever it is, I hope that one day he finds what he needs for his life too. And if the roads come back together good on you guys! And if they don’t at least you got on a road for yourself that leads you to a destination that you deserve to get to. So thank you for sharing that with the group here.

 

So all that being said, today we talked about the nine principles of change. Number one, all behaviors are complex so don’t judge them too easily. Number two, change is frightening, it takes a lot of courage to change. Number three, change must be positive. I don’t believe in negative reinforcement. Number four, slower is better. Stop falling into the trap of instant gratification and the need to make things happen now – it’s BS – it’s not real – it’ll never happen. Number four, know more and do better so don’t hold yourself and your past self hostage for the things he or she or they did not know. However now that you in this moment know better you are responsible to do better, nobody else. Number five, change requires structure. Structure is not restrictive, structure is not a way to make you feel that you don’t have freedom or creativity. Structure allows you to do all of that. Practice is necessary. You will never be good at anything in life unless you’re willing to practice. I tell the basketball kids I coach that you play the way you practice. If they have an expectation to play a certain way in a game if they don’t practice that way they will not play that way in a game. Kind of goes back to the piano analogy – if someone expects to sit in front of a concert hall and play a piano song yet they don’t practice it it’s not like they just freeze and it’s like they forget. They just don’t know it to forget it. The next one is that new behaviors must be protected – that’s your responsibility. If you give your power away don’t blame the person that took it. And the last one is, small successes are big. You got to celebrate them, celebrate the little victories in life. They’re good for you and they’re good for your change.

So next week I will be in a pickle ball tournament on Friday. I’m doing men’s singles. It’s a national tournament and Saturday I’m doing men’s doubles so I won’t be here and I look forward to seeing you in two weeks and then I don’t have pickle ball until June. So we go six or eight weeks together again and then I travel and then little bit and then travel. So the first few years of doing this, I hadn’t found pickle ball yet and now I have you know it’s like you guys are kind of up there with each other competing. But I will promise you that anytime I’m not doing that you are my priority, and as I always say I love and appreciate all of you. Thank you for joining me in this hour. I hope you found some value in it and as always look forward to supporting you in your healing recovery and transformation journey. Adios!

Call Buckeye Recovery Today!

Are you in recovery but not making progress? Recovery is not only possible but attainable, and it all begins with reaching out for assistance. By addressing both addiction and mental health issues, individuals can break free from the cycle of despair and embark on a path to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Contact Buckeye Recovery Network today and initiate your journey to recovery and improved mental health. Our dedicated team of professionals is here to guide and support you every step of the way.

Today is going to be the best day of your life.

Kelsey Gearhart

Director of Business Development

Kelsey carries multiple years of experience working in the substance abuse and mental health treatment field. Her passion for this field comes from her personally knowing recovery from addiction.

Prior to Buckeye she held titles of Recovery Coach, Operations Director, and Admissions Director. Kelsey was brought on at Buckeye Recovery as the Director of Business Development. She has a passion for ensuring every individual gets the help that they need, and does so by developing relationships with other providers.

Kelsey also oversees our women’s sober living environments – The Chadwick House for Women. She is committed to creating a safe, nurturing, and conducive environment for all women that walk through the doors of Chadwick.