This is important for families that have loved ones in recovery, because family members have this weird kind of skewed expectation, and I’m saying this as a marriage and family therapist that’s been working in the field for almost 15 years. I’m 15 1/2 years sober but the first few months obviously I wasn’t working in the field. I started early though. But they got this weird expectation that is like, “hey, when my loved one goes into recovery then everything’s going to be okay.” First of all, where did that expectation even come from? Where did you come to that conclusion, that as soon as someone starts the recovery process then everything’s going to be okay? I’m going to tell you the truth and this is one of those truth pills that you might not want to swallow. The only thing that gets better in the early stages when you stop the use of drugs and alcohol is the problems related to drugs and alcohol all go away. Everything else, the lack of communication, the lack of boundaries, lack of trust, the trauma, grief and loss, the pain of life, the tormented relationships, everything else that was already there is still there like that.
30-60-90 Day Treatment is NOT Recovery
Recovery and treatment doesn’t fix all that in the 30-60-90 days. Nothing in life will. If someone told you they could fix that fast they’re lying to you. How could you go years and years, decades, of living a certain way, stop using drugs, and then all of a sudden everything’s good? If anything, it gets worse before it gets better. You want to know why? Because if your loved one uses substances they use it to manhandle all of those emotions and to handle all those experiences. Sometimes it could be with work, workaholism. Someone can work their way through all that but here’s the thing. When you stop doing it, when you stop working, or you stop using substances everything that’s inside of you starts to come out now. So it gets a little bit uglier before it gets better.
So please shave the early expectations family members sometimes say like, “hey, he’s not using drugs anymore. I don’t know why he doesn’t talk to us. He never reaches out.” I don’t think him not reaching out has anything to do with the drugs – it’s like there’s a communication problem here. There’s a distance amongst family members here. There is no history of relationship here outside the last time that you shared. How is that going to get better when someone stops using drugs? But can it? Absolutely. Will it? I believe so. That’s why I do these talks. Because I’ve seen it countless times, thousands of times, but you got to shave those early expectations in the recovery process.
Care for your own Recovery
Each one of you has a very unique reason for why you’re in the recovery process. I don’t know what yours is but I’m sure you got one and you must care for your recovery and here’s the main reason why. Because if you don’t, nobody else will. And you might be saying, “what do you mean by that, nobody’s going to care about my recovery?” If you don’t care about your recovery then who will? And what is recovery if you don’t care to regain something that’s been lost, stolen or destroyed?
Some of you might have lost that connection for things that weren’t your fault. You might have been a child, you might have been a young adult, you might have been put in bad situations and it disconnected you from yourself – it wasn’t your fault. But if you don’t care to regain something that’s been lost, stolen or destroyed, nobody else will. So please care for your recovery. It’s your life – you only get one of them. Whether it was done to you or you did it to yourself and you got disconnected, the time is now to care for your recovery and to regain it. You deserve it.
Why is Recovery even Important?
Because only when you are connected to yourself are you able to do the things you want to do, are you able to be the person you want to be, are you able to accomplish the things you want to accomplish, and not feel like you’re always operating from a void, a hole, inadequacy, fear to gain abundance, and not live in scarcity. Care for your recovery, my friends. I don’t know how else to tell you, I really don’t.
Expectations can kill your peace and serenity.
Our serenity and our expectations are a zero sum, so the higher your expectations are, the lower your level of serenity. Serenity means soundness of mind, like sanity, soundness of mind, peace, calm, content. And the higher your serenity is, the lower your expectations are. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like to have some expectations of myself, of things I need to be doing and this and that, but expectations of others, man, dangerous stuff!
Call Buckeye Recovery Today!
Are you in recovery but not making progress? Recovery is not only possible but attainable, and it all begins with reaching out for assistance. By addressing both addiction and mental health issues, individuals can break free from the cycle of despair and embark on a path to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Contact Buckeye Recovery Network today and initiate your journey to recovery and improved mental health. Our dedicated team of professionals is here to guide and support you every step of the way.