COVID-19 Update: We are currently accepting new clients with increased safety measures. LEARN MORE ›

Do You Allow Yourself or Others to Abuse You?

Allowing or accepting poor or abusive treatment of self and others is one of the signs that you got to start to become the norm. A lot of children that come from abusive households don’t know that their household is much different than other households. At first they just think that’s the way it is. Or if you experienced abuse and your maternal role never stepped in to protect you or guide you or support you or save you from something later on in life what happens is this. I know a lot of people are not going to understand or even agree with what I’m about to say. But if you are in relationships as an adult and you are experiencing abuse or someone else in your life is being abused and you’re not doing anything about it I’m telling you that there is something highly correlated with your own upbringing.

Cycles of Abuse Repeat Through Generations

If someone was abused in life, let’s just say someone has no idea this wasn’t a part of their life and they’re listening to me talk right now. They’re like, wait a second, this guy just said if someone is abused growing up later on in life they might allow abuse, or also potentially even abuse somebody themselves like that. Doesn’t make sense. Well, guess what? That’s what happens. And again, you might be saying that happened to you and it didn’t happen. Now well, first of all congratulations, you broke a damn cycle. You did what is needed to do for your own survival, and for the survival of the generations after you. You just did what was necessary. But for those who don’t, which is the majority of people by the way, cycles continue to repeat themselves. So if you’re in a relationship right now and you’re allowing some type of abuse to take place, or you are accepting it, or even just being passive about it, complicit about it, it’s a telltale sign that you got to be re-mothered. It’s a shame. What is shame? It’s a belief, it’s a deep rooted belief that something is fundamentally wrong with you, such as “I am not lovable. I am not worthy of love. I don’t deserve happiness.”

Difference Between Shame and Guilt

Shame is not something that we’re born with. No human being is born with shame. Some people oftentimes intertwine guilt and shame together. They use it like, “Oh I feel guilty and ashamed.” Guilt and shame are two completely different things. Guilt comes from an action or an inaction. Guilt comes from either doing something you should not have done or not doing something you should have done. So it comes from an action or inaction. You change your actions and you could potentially start to eliminate the guilt in your life moving forward. Shame has nothing to do with what you do – it’s with who you are. It’s how you feel about yourself, how you internalize yourself, how you view yourself in this thing called life. And in your life, if you were told you’re not good enough in your life, if you were told that you’re not smart enough, you’re not beautiful enough, you’re not X enough, it starts to download in the self and the person starts to believe all of that. If you have shame in your soul, in your mind, in your heart, that was thrown in there by other people it is a telltale sign that you need to be re-mothered.

Are you Relentlessly Needy in Relationships?

Relentlessly means non-stop, it means like clockwork all day, every day, just always being needy in relationships. What type of relationships? All relationships, not just romantic ones, not just familial ones. I’m talking about work, school, I’m talking about social, all of it. And why is somebody relentlessly needy in a relationship? Because their needs never got met. What needs are we even talking about? I’m talking about basic needs man, food, shelter, water, love, connection, those major needs that we have as human beings. If they never got met growing up you are going to go around life trying to get those needs met in different places, people and things. And guess what? You’re going to come up short. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your needs in a relationship and having the universe of that person reciprocate them. But if it’s relentless “Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me? What are you doing? Where you at? Blah blah blah blah blah” relentlessly. And one of my biggest pet peeves in life is when people say I just want someone to take care of me. Don’t get me wrong – it’s cool to have someone take care of you sometimes, but those who are just seeking to find a partner or a life or a world where someone just takes care of them, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Because here’s the thing. If one day that person leaves or doesn’t take care of you what are you left with? A vulnerable individual who is lacking the ability to take care of themselves because all they do is rely on other people to take care of them. I’m a big believer of this. If you find someone that helps you in life and can take care of you when you need it, beautiful thing. It’s a great relationship. But what if that person never comes? What if nobody takes care of you? Are you willing to do to yourself what the world did to you and also not take care of yourself also, not give yourself what it is you need? I don’t know, personally I would say I’m just going to bet on the fact that the only person that can take care of myself is me. So if you have this relentless need in relationships to be needy and have someone take care of you it’s a telltale sign that you need to be re-mothered. 

Call Buckeye Recovery Today!

Are you in recovery but not making progress? Recovery is not only possible but attainable, and it all begins with reaching out for assistance. By addressing both addiction and mental health issues, individuals can break free from the cycle of despair and embark on a path to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Contact Buckeye Recovery Network today and initiate your journey to recovery and improved mental health. Our dedicated team of professionals is here to guide and support you every step of the way.

Today is going to be the best day of your life.

Kelsey Gearhart

Director of Business Development

Kelsey carries multiple years of experience working in the substance abuse and mental health treatment field. Her passion for this field comes from her personally knowing recovery from addiction.

Prior to Buckeye she held titles of Recovery Coach, Operations Director, and Admissions Director. Kelsey was brought on at Buckeye Recovery as the Director of Business Development. She has a passion for ensuring every individual gets the help that they need, and does so by developing relationships with other providers.

Kelsey also oversees our women’s sober living environments – The Chadwick House for Women. She is committed to creating a safe, nurturing, and conducive environment for all women that walk through the doors of Chadwick.