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Do You Know The 4 Types of Boundaries?

When we talk about boundaries some people don’t even know what a boundary truly is. So let’s just think about it this way. A boundary is just a line – it’s a dividing line that separates one thing to another. Now that could be a person to a person, that could be a country to a country, that could be an experience to an experience, but it’s something that separates it. And why do we need to separate it? Because when boundaries don’t exist, or they’re weak, or they’re a mesh, people don’t know where the limit is. And when you don’t know where the limit is there is no limit. And that’s why people constantly say, “I feel like a doormat. I feel like I get stepped on, stepped over all the time.” Don’t set boundaries if you can’t or won’t enforce them. The worst thing you can do is set boundaries and then just be like, “Ah, it’s okay.” What did you do in the first place? If you can’t set a boundary that you know you can’t enforce then don’t set it yet. Set it when you’re ready because if you do it sends the wrong message, the wrong signal. That “oh it’s okay, my boundaries don’t mean nothing.” So that’s a key point right there. To be able to only set boundaries that you can enforce. I want to go through and share with you some different boundary types because people don’t even know really what boundaries are first and foremost, and then that there’s types of them.

1. Boundaries around Time

How do you spend your time? Do you have a time budget? Someone might be saying, “a time budget? What the hell is this guy talking about?” Yeah, a time budget. I mean, you got 24 hours in a day. Do you budget how you will spend that time? If you have $1,000 in your bank account you must budget how you will spend that. I know that Starbucks or the convenience store takes up a significant amount of our financial budget. I read something that was pretty funny – it said, “my debit card is a food diary of ways that I’ve spent money.” But you want to budget your time. So how are you spending it? Do you budget it? Who are you spending it with? Who are you spending your time with? Such an important element. The next one is physical boundaries. And this could just be your physical space. It could be things like physical touch. But I think our physical boundaries are important. So when you look around your room and you look around your house and you feel clutter, overwhelmed, you feel stressed out, there’s something that needs to happen. When you allow people to get too close to you whether it’s intimately or just platonically, there’s a physical component there that’s really important to address. And we all have different physical boundary limits based on the things that have happened or not happened to us growing up.

2. Conversation Boundaries

So important! What kind of conversations do you get involved in? I was doing this talk with our program participants this morning. I said, “When someone starts talking about or glorifying their drug use you know what I do? Peace, I’m out!” I mean, I get it like if you’re young and you’re like 17 or 18 and you want to talk about that stuff, cool! It’s new but if you’re a grown adult talking about the days that you did this and that it’s like, “Come on, let’s get out. Let’s raise our vibration, let’s raise our energy, let’s raise the things that we talk about.” If someone’s gonna talk and by the way like some of these kids will be like, “Yeah man, I used to get direct pickups from the Mexican Mafia,” it’s like, “No, you didn’t. If you were working with the Mexican Mafia number one, first of all you weren’t. Number two, you wouldn’t be in a therapeutic recovery space using your parents’ insurance to be receiving treatment.” I just don’t talk about that stuff. When people are talking about other people, like gossiping, saying negative things about other people, I’m not going to be in that conversation. I just walk away. People are talking really passionately arguing over political or religious views, get out of here. To each their own, whether you’re the farthest left hippie liberal of all time, or you’re the farthest right extremist on that side, I’m not gonna sit there and talk to you about this. What’s the point? I’ve set boundaries with people in this chat about that stuff and it’s like, “we’re cool with it.” Love and respect, very easy to do but if you get into that whole divisive stuff I mean, come on.

3. Relationship Boundaries

Sometimes I tell people, “you got to set boundaries with your kids,” and they’re like, “But I love my kids. They’re the apple of my eye.” What does that have to do with anything? I sometimes tell clients, “You got to set boundaries with your parents,” and they’re like, “no, they’re going to feel I’m disrespecting them.” Oh man, you got to set boundaries with people you’re in relationships with because it’s where one thing stops and one thing starts. If there is no line then there is no line, then anything can happen.

4. Boundaries around Content

What do you expose your eyes to? What do you watch? I showed the program participants. I went on my cell phone and I showed them how many minutes a day I spend on social media and it was 16 minutes a day. I’m not including this. On Instagram, 16 minutes a day. I did the same exercise with the kids that I coach basketball at Aliso Niguel High School. Three hours a day was on their phones. Tik Tok average three hours a day. What kind of content do you expose yourself to? What do you watch? For those of you who are serial television watchers, and you watch show after show and you binge watch, you got to set some boundaries around that.

Call Buckeye Recovery Today!

Are you in recovery but not making progress? Recovery is not only possible but attainable, and it all begins with reaching out for assistance. By addressing both addiction and mental health issues, individuals can break free from the cycle of despair and embark on a path to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Contact Buckeye Recovery Network today and initiate your journey to recovery and improved mental health. Our dedicated team of professionals is here to guide and support you every step of the way.

Today is going to be the best day of your life.

Kelsey Gearhart

Director of Business Development

Kelsey carries multiple years of experience working in the substance abuse and mental health treatment field. Her passion for this field comes from her personally knowing recovery from addiction.

Prior to Buckeye she held titles of Recovery Coach, Operations Director, and Admissions Director. Kelsey was brought on at Buckeye Recovery as the Director of Business Development. She has a passion for ensuring every individual gets the help that they need, and does so by developing relationships with other providers.

Kelsey also oversees our women’s sober living environments – The Chadwick House for Women. She is committed to creating a safe, nurturing, and conducive environment for all women that walk through the doors of Chadwick.