When family members get exposed to addiction it is a very overwhelming process at first, especially if they’ve never had it in their lives, and they are not used to it overtaking their mind, body, and soul, their entire life experience. For parents with a child who is struggling with addiction, their whole entire thought is consumed with what’s happening with their loved one at all times. So there are certain elements that show up in the family units of those who are struggling with addictions that are universal, but they are very unique to the individual when they’re going through it by themselves. The byproducts of their collective experience are support groups where an individual can go into the room and have a common sense of identification with the other people there because they have also experienced a similar situation.
Then there are others who never step into a meeting, and when they go, it might feel like everyone is speaking a foreign language, because they don’t allow themselves to hear the commonalities in the sense of identification.
Here are some common topics that often come up in family recovery groups.
1. Control Issues
When a family member steps in to solve other people’s problems, or try to control the outcome of someone else’s problem, they may imagine that they are helping them. However, repetitive patterns of solving other people’s problems eventually makes them incapable of solving them.
2. Enabling
Doing something for someone that they should be doing for themselves is called Enabling. Helping is doing something that they can’t do themselves. When parents allow their child’s addiction to continue no matter what the consequences, that creates a dangerous path of enabling them.
3. Powerlessness
Powerlessness is automatically associated with a sign of weakness, yet powerlessness can be a sign of strength if one can understand what they are up against, when it comes to addiction. It can often be a revelation for parents or spouses to learn that they are powerless against their loved one’s habits and behaviors, which can be a door to other possibilities of how they can help them.
4. Family Disease
When we think of a disease such as cancer or diabetes, it is typically a disease that affects a person. But with addiction, when one member of the family struggles with it, the rest of the family suffers just as much, or more. Everyone in the family, whatever the age, is exposed to the changes and the emotional upheavals of the disease.
5. Detachment
Detachment is often misunderstood as abandonment, however loving detachment is a recognition that we cannot rescue someone else out of their addiction. We can continue to love someone while allowing them to take responsibility for their own recovery.
6. Forgiveness
It is a spiritual truth that before one can be forgiven, they must forgive themselves. We don’t have control over when and whether someone would forgive us, but we do have control over our attitude, and our own actions. Forgiving oneself is harder than we may think, so that is an essential first step.
7. Trust
Trust is a major topic in family recovery when a pattern of secrets, lies and betrayals can gradually erode trust. Very often, trust is a two-way street, because the person abusing substances may have started in the first place because of a gradual loss of trust in their own family members.
Do you want to support your loved one in recovery?
It can be heartbreaking to discover that your child or partner is struggling with addiction. It is no surprise that addiction is a family disease, which also means that the family as a whole can also learn and grow through the recovery process. At Buckeye Recovery Network, we support families of individuals work through the process of recovery so they can learn to live healthy holistic lives. Call us today with questions and we will help you with your next steps.
