Alright, what’s up everyone? Welcome back to another family education support personal development talk here with your host Parham. It is Saturday, September 30th of 2023 so if you’re watching this on Saturday September 30th 2023, this is live we are here. And I look forward to another wonderful session with you. And it is what?
Is it the start of the fourth quarter of the year is tomorrow, so my friends, if you look at the last nine months of your year and you compare it to what you thought the first nine months of the year were gonna be like, did you hit your goals? Did you accomplish what you wanted to accomplish? Did you make some strides in the direction that you’re headed in life? If the answer is yes, congratulations and finish strong! If the answer is no, it’s okay and finish strong! So regardless of how the first nine months of your year have been, these last three months are very important and here is the reason why. Because of this thing called momentum, so if you are in a place that you’re stuck psychologically, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, and you are just kind of frustrated with how life is showing up and appearing in your life, you got two options. You can say, “Well you know what, the year’s already gone by and it’s about to be 2024 and three months and the holidays are coming up so there’s not really much I can get done right now.” So you kind of put your foot off the gas and if your foot was already off the gas you just pretty much just sit back and wait for the next 90 days to pass and then get in that mode that a lot of people get into when the new year starts. Like, “hey, I’m going to change my life around, I’m going to accomplish all of my goals and all of my dreams and all of the things that last year I didn’t,” and if you go into the new year with no momentum I’m telling you whatever little jolt of inspiration you have on January 1 will be gone by January 7th or 10th or 14th, and for sure it will be gone by the end of the month. But if you start to build some habits, some patterns, some momentum in these next three months of your life, not only will you accomplish some goals this year but you’ll go into next year with a much more advantageous starting point, and potentially be able to create some habits that’ll push you through that.
So let me just go through and say what’s up to everybody here. Good morning Marilyn. Good morning Mr Jim. What do we got here? Kenny from Pacific Sands, Jess on time! Bita, good morning. Mom and Dad, good morning. And so we got a little crowd in here. Eileen, good afternoon. She’s on a little different time so she’s giving us some NCO time and we’ll go from there.
So let’s start with a quick introduction. My name is Parham. What we do here each and every single week is we talk about personal development, we talk about mental health, we talk about addiction, we talk about codependency, we talk about boundaries, we talk about self-respect, self-esteem, we talk about family, we talk about goals, dreams, aspirations, we talk about a lot. But the most important part is the receiver, which is you, is being able to apply what we talk about into your own life, the practical application of it all, and then sitting back and watching where the journey goes. So I do have a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, so I am a licensed clinician. Today when we start talking about things like trauma I’m not just talking with no professional background or expertise or knowledge. I’m well-versed in the clinical realm. I’m also a licensed Advanced Alcohol and Drug Counselor in Addictive Behaviors. I am in personal recovery myself. June 13, 2008 is the day that I said no more. I got to do something different with my life and I’ve been doing so for over 15 years. I do coach high school basketball. Our basketball season starts in less than a month. We have yearbook pictures in two weeks. It’ll be the 15th time I’m in the high school yearbook as a coach. And outside of that, let’s get into it.
So today we’re going to talk about something that’s a little bit more serious in content matter but we’re not going to talk too in depth about the different traumas that human beings experience. What I want to talk about is if you experience some of the traumas that I’m going to identify, how can those traumas impact you or your loved ones later on in life as adults? So we’re taking something from the past and just identifying a general overview which is adverse childhood experiences. We’re going to take that and then we’re going to see that if you or someone you love, experience that. What are some ways that it can manifest in their life as adults? And whenever I talk about trauma I always want people to hear this just because you experienced trauma in your life it does not equal a life sentence. There are ways to heal, there are ways to recover and there are ways to transform. A majority of human beings that I’ve known in a specific space like the healing modalities have gone through a lot of stuff themselves and yet we are still here. So if you are someone that’s going through that stuff and it’s fresh and it’s raw and it’s real and it’s overwhelming, just know that the cure for the pain is in the pain. I didn’t say that. Someone’s smarter than me did.
So real quick, before we get into how childhood trauma can manifest in adulthood we first got to identify what the heck is trauma, what’s this guy talking about? So trauma is often times referred to as things that happened to us that should have not happened. Like what are we talking about? Physical abuse, sexual abuse, those things that someone did to us that they should have not done. We all know what those are but sometimes trauma is things that should have happened that did not happen. You should have got that hug and that love when you needed it but you didn’t get it. Maybe you were neglected when you needed presence and availability and accessibility. So trauma is not always bad things that happen to us. Sometimes trauma is things that never happen to us that should have happened. You want to know something sad? For some of you family members that might not have any substance abuse history or personal experience with it I’ve sat in chairs across many individuals who are addicted to let’s say opiates, so the heroin, the roxies, the fentanyl, you know those type of opiate sedatives, powerful painkillers. What a lot of them have shared with me is that opiates is like the warmest hug I always wanted but never got. Damn! We’re like, “oh they’re just drug addicts, they just care about themselves, they don’t care who they’re hurting, they don’t care this, they don’t care that.” In their mind they say that the experience that they get from using opiates is similar to the warmest hug I always wanted but never got. You know what that also means? Love – a lot of times people do addictive behaviors because they experience something from it that they never got in life. And so we’re going to go and identify some of these childhood adverse experiences.
Let’s see what Marilyn said here. I like to give shout outs to the interactive part. “I feel so blessed to have four years and six months into the transformation of my life, thanks for your help Parham.” You know, that’s a beautiful timeline: four years and six months and I look forward to that turning into five years and I look forward to turning into 15 years and wherever the lifetime and the timeline goes. Because at each stage of our transformation it unleashes and opens up a new realm of possibility, a new realm of hope, a new realm of transformation. So that’s why I like personal development transformation work. It never ends. We can always go deeper and deeper and deeper, and experience more and more and more, so thanks for letting me be a part of your journey.
So when we’re talking about first childhood experiences real quick we’re talking about any type of abuse, physical, sexual, emotional, we’re talking of any type of neglect. If you ever had a family member in your house between the ages when you’re growing up 0 to 18 to 20 that experienced some type of mental illness, Mom, Dad, siblings. So if you’re raised in a house with mental illness, if you were raised in a house with substance abuse, alcoholism, sometimes gambling, sometimes illicit drugs. If you were raised in a house that there was domestic violence present and specifically if you ever watched violence committed against your mother, that’s a very specific adverse childhood experience. If there was any type of incarceration, or family members going off to institutions. If there was any type of parental separation or divorce. These adverse childhood experiences, there’s about eight of them in the original study, the more someone experiences those from zero to 18 to 20 years old the more likelihood that later on in life they’re going to have some problems when it comes to their mental health, when it comes to their potential use of illicit substances, risky behavior and also their physical health.
There is so much data and reports and studies out there on people who experience adverse childhood experiences. Four of them, six of them that they have 100 – 400 – 800% greater chance of developing things like cardiovascular disease, obesity, type 2 diabetes, autoimmune diseases. And here’s the two most staggering statistics and I’ll move on from this. If somebody experienced six or more of those adverse childhood experiences and if you’re wondering that’s a lot, I’ll tell you this. Our program participants at any given time there could be a quarter to a half to 75% of them who have experience six or more of those. If someone experiences six or more versus someone that experiences zero or one there is a 4,600 it’s called 46 fold greater chance of the person with more to develop intravenous drug use versus the other person. And you’re ready for the most staggering one? If somebody experienced six or more of those versus somebody who experienced zero or one they have a 20 years shorter life expectancy. Wow, that’s how trauma manifests later on in life. So if you do not believe me I strongly suggest you go read the adverse childhood experiences research data support out there. CDC did some good things on it but the original founder is Vincent Felletti. Kaiser study. 17,000 people. 90s San Diego, California. Go check it out. Blow your mind. So now that we’ve identified trauma and how it could show up, let’s talk about how it can manifest as an adult. And yes, even if you’re not the person with substance abuse it can develop in your life too. Eileen, thank you for that. Unfortunately the parents may not have known about the abuse, it could have been a relative, a family friend or others. It was a secret that child was afraid to share. This happens more than you expect – family, friends, relatives, sometimes even caregivers, coaches, people in trusted positions. I don’t want to really get into that that component of it but so what happens is sometimes the child even says something to their family that’s even more heartbreaking and the family says, “nope, you’re lying, that didn’t happen, you’re making it up,” and unfortunately I’ve seen that happen. Happened so many times and sometimes it took 15 – 20 years for the family to come around and believe them. Maybe because there was more incidents in the news or something happened but it takes a lot for a kid to share something like that, and unfortunately there are times the family doesn’t know, and there’s times that the family knows and turns a blind eye to it. But we’ll get into how this stuff can impact you as an adult.
So number one, if you experience fears, if you experience adverse childhood experiences growing up, I think the most important one that pops up is this thing called fear of abandonment. And sometimes this fear is rational. You want to know why? Because those who were supposed to be there for you and support you and love you and nurture you and care for you abandoned you. So therefore where does your ideology and framework and the perspective and the way you view the world come from? From reality. Mom and Dad left, I was abandoned. Sometimes that abandonment can come through something like death though there was no choice with it. Sometimes there could be the abandonment that comes through separation or divorce and the situation was so volatile or hostile that the kid couldn’t really continue a relationship with one of them, but in the mind of a child they were abandoned. When we have that fear of abandonment in every relationship we get into, guess what? We always think that we’re going to be abandoned. We always think that we’re not worthy of love. We always think that we don’t deserve happiness. And people put up with so much crap because they don’t want to be abandoned. And this doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships or relationships. It can happen at work. People put up with so much because they don’t want to be abandoned and ultimately what happens my friends is, people start to leave people. Before they leave them they don’t allow anybody to get close. Because they’re terrified of being abandoned. And if that happens to you in your life just know that you got to go back to the source, the origin. You got to be able to change the way that you view this whole situation because the saddest thing that happens to those who have a fear of abandonment is that those individuals start to do one thing. That blows me away but it happens all the time. It’s even happened to people like me. People start to abandon themselves. So hear this if you have a fear of abandonment because of your adverse childhood experiences, because you were abandoned by those who weren’t supposed to abandon you, first and foremost my heart goes out to you. But secondly if you don’t heal from it you will start to abandon yourself as an adult, you will abandon your values, your goals, your dreams, your hopes, your aspirations, and your standards, and you will live a life that you look around and say what the f— is this. So in order to break that cycle you got to stop abandoning yourself. You got to start reconnecting to that wounded part of self that was left and make one promise, one commitment, that you will no longer do to yourself what other people did to you. Once you start doing that it’s the opening in the catalyst for your healing recovery and transformation process.
So the next one that we have here if you experience any type of those adverse childhood experiences that we talked about in the beginning of the talk you will experience significant impact to your mental health. How does this show up? You know in a child it could show up as things like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It could show up as depression, it could show up as anxiety, it could show up as PTSD, and if you don’t have those things treated what happens? You carry them on to adulthood and if you have all of those symptoms it’s very uncomfortable and difficult to live life, or live it in a way that you can thrive. So if it becomes unbearable we start to use people, places, things to self-regulate those emotions, substance abuse, codependent toxic relationships, workaholism, any type of way that you can just check out for a little bit. And if you do that what’s going to happen? You’re going to have impacts to your health. If you’re using food to cope you’re setting yourself up for potentially cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes. If you’re using substances to cope you’re developing potentially setting yourself up for dependency addiction. If you’re using people to cope you’re probably going to set yourself up with some volatile toxic situations. So when it comes down to it starts and also impacts the immune system, stress and cortisol levels do a number on the immune system which turns into autoimmune diseases. There’s enough studies out there that correlate things like stress and cancer together. You don’t have to take my word for it. I know some of you don’t believe that stuff but it’s out there, it’s validated, it’s verified.
So let’s see what we got here. We got a comment. Abandoned to drugs and alcohol to feel a part of something, yeah to feel alive, to feel a part, to sometimes feel hope, to be able to sleep at night, to feel a part of life. There’s so many reasons why people abandon the drugs and alcohol man but you know what Jim, I know you know this, my man. When we decide that we will no longer abandon ourselves and we realize that connection to ourselves and connection to others is actually what we’ve been yearning for and needing and wanting for so long what a beautiful experience it is, isn’t it? I know you know this and you know why we do this Jim, because we hope that somebody else one day learns that, realizes that, finds that themselves whether they got a substance abuse problem or they’ve just lived in a dysfunctional household from the time they’re little till now, all we want is connection to self and others. We just didn’t know it, we just didn’t know it. But what do we do now? I always say we did the best we can with what we knew at the time but now you know better, my friends. You got to do better.
So let’s see what we got next. We have needing a lot of space. Those who have experienced a lot of adverse childhood experiences in their life usually need a lot of space, a lot of lone time, a lot of quiet time. You want to know why? Because that’s the only time they were able to kind of just be with themselves. Because if you’re constantly around dysfunction, if there’s abuse, chaos, domestic violence, substance abuse, abandonment, parental separation, divorce, if all that stuff’s around you and it’s always wild and chaotic, the only time that you can actually be with yourself is when you are with yourself. The problem with this is sometimes the space that people gravitate towards happens at the end of the night, like from 10 o’clock, 11 o’clock, 1 o’clock, 2 o’clock in the morning, and because that’s back in the day when they were able to just be quiet and chill, well now as adults, if you’re up at 1 or 2 in the morning and you got to function and really be on point at 7 or 8 in the morning it’s not realistic. It’s not sustainable. It works for an adolescent because they can sleep four hours and be okay, but when you got life responsibilities and you need a lot of time to yourself and you can’t find a lot of time and you’re on your phone and scrolling on crap in the middle of the night just know that it’s potentially a response to trauma, potentially. And I say all these with ‘potentially’ and ‘maybe’ because there’s always people that say, “hey man, I never experienced any of this stuff and I enjoy being on my phone at night.” We’re talking about those who identify with what I’m saying.
The next one that we have here my friends (if you have any comments questions anything that I’m saying by the way feel free to share them). The next one that I have which a lot of you family members are going to identify with is if there was trauma growing up. It could be chaotic household that maybe you were the parentified parent, you had a bunch of siblings and there was chaos and dysfunction, you have to grow up and and and take care of responsibilities and do laundry and make food, and take kids here and there, and you’re a kid yourself, and you lost your childhood, it’s safe to say that there was an unequal burden of responsibility in the family. You think it just goes away, if you were responsible for a lot of people in your life growing up do you think that when you become an adult it just goes away? You get to experience a new life? No, nope. I don’t know you that well but guess what? I bet you created a life that you could be responsible for a lot of people. You didn’t do it consciously but it happened. You got an adult child you’re taking care of now, you got some aging parents you’re taking care of now, you got some people in your life that are in crisis mode and guess what? You are the caretaker, the fixer, the person that goes in at their own cost, their own health, their own sanity, they go do for others. Do you think that’s a natural choice we make? I believe it’s learned behavior. I believe it’s an adaptation to trauma and if you’re saying well damn I’m screwed then no you’re not. Because the beauty of learned behavior is the following: anything that can be learned can be unlearned. It can be unlearned, it could be relearned, and you can have a new experience. So you first got to come to the awareness that who who I am and how I live my life and what I’m doing maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with right here and right now, but it has to do with then and there. I told the program participants this morning, “hey, there are people in your life right now, because of what you’ve experienced in your life that they’re taking an unequal burden of the financial responsibilities and if you don’t want to be that person later on in life better do something about this.” So I do believe in that wholeheartedly.
Got a comment here. Jess, thank you. You’re welcome. Eileen: never learn boundaries or maybe to feel guilty when setting boundaries. Yeah, I think most human beings in general never truly learn boundaries so the families that have boundaries it’s not like they’re sitting down and teaching them. They’re just living by them, and as a child growing up you just watch and when people have boundaries in place and nobody oversteps or violates or takes advantage of you, just kind of learn that that’s the way life is. But if you come from a life with no boundaries and nothing then you don’t know how to set them, you don’t know how to ask for them, you don’t know how to create them and hold them, And if you find recovery and have to start setting boundaries, the moment you do it, you’re like, “oh my God, what are they going to think? Are they going to think I don’t love them? Are they going to think I’ve changed? I’m mean, I’m this and that?” I got to tell you this if you’re trying to make changes in your life because there’s an area or two or three in your life that you struggle with and now you have to set boundaries, you have to say no, you have to be assertive, and other people around you say, “hey, what’s wrong with you? You’ve changed.” You should say, “thank you, that’s what I’m trying to do.” I’ve met so many people that have a hard time with the fact that they don’t want other people to tell them that they’ve changed. Why? I mean what part of nature doesn’t change that a human being shouldn’t change? Look around – the leaves in the autumn do they look like the leaves in the spring? Do they look like the leaves in the summer? No, photosynthesis goes away because the sunlight goes away and they can’t be bright green. They got to let go of that. They turn orange, they turn red, they turn yellow. When winter time comes they fall and they go away. It looks like they’ve died, it looks like they’ve transformed to nothing. Then the spring comes around, they show up green, perfect, healthy, vibrant, full of life. Don’t be afraid of the judgment of other people telling you you’ve changed. If someone tells you, “hey, I don’t know what’s going on with you, you’ve really changed,” say “thank you, that’s what I’m trying to do, thank you, that’s what I’m trying to achieve in life by setting these boundaries.” Powerful statement – this is boundaries 101 right here Jim. When making boundaries make sure there are boundaries that you can keep. Never set a boundary unless you’re 100% willing to uphold it because if you set a boundary and you don’t uphold it you just told the person where the boundary is – it ain’t the first place – it’s wherever you landed on. And it’s hard to do because setting boundaries takes psychological and emotional muscles. And like Eileen said, none of us ever learned it so it’s going to be hard at first.
The next one we got here is staying in relationships longer than their expiration date. How many people have done that? “Oh but they’re going to change one day, they’re gonna to be different, I know they are.” People stay in. I think we forget how precious this thing called life is, how short it is to go. I understand when you’re working through stuff, duty and honor in that you love somebody you’re going through a turbulent time, you want to go work together on it to heal and move forward as a unit. Wonderful if you’ve done that, one, two, three times in a long-term relationship, beautiful, good for you. You’re growing together. If you’ve done it like 2,000 times in a 10 year span at some point you got to look and see that this ain’t working. And it’s not just with romantic relationships. One of my biggest pet peeves are people that come to me and they just bitch about work and their boss and the structure and the lack of organization and how they take advantage of everybody there and how they’re not appreciated and how they’re not blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. You know what I say to them? “Leave.” Oh my God, people stay there for years, just miserable, going to work miserable, coming home miserable, as if it’s the only store on the block or business on the block that could actually provide them whatever it is that they get from them. Which I guarantee you, they’re probably not happy with anyways. I don’t know why people love staying in super unhealthy relationships after their expiration date. Could it potentially be trauma they experience in life? I don’t know. I say yes but some people say, “oh that’s stuff that happened in the past doesn’t mean anything today.” You’re an adult now. I put some content out there on social media, like on Instagram, and it’s doing relatively okay and I’m happy, I’m proud of it, it’s like it’s helping some people out, but sometimes you get those few individuals that just think that mental health is the stupidest thing in the world, and it’s for weak people, and talking about childhood traumas just because you’re weak and you can’t forget about your past. The funny part is that if I had a chance to sit with that specific person, in an hour or two therapy sessions and they go through their whole childhood I could very quickly associate every response and reaction they have to how repulsed they are or how they they they recoil from mental health discussions like a hot flame to their childhood. Probably the trauma they experience, but I’m not a smart ass and I say, “hey, thank you for sharing. I appreciate you, keep coming back.”
The next one we got if you catch yourself constantly arguing or fighting with someone or something, or avoiding conflict at all costs so what does that say? Very black and white, very hot and cold, very this or that. Both of those are a byproduct of the inability to connect your emotions to your thoughts, to your words. If you never learned healthy proper timely communication that is rooted in emotions, thinking and words, then you’re not going to know how to do it. So when you get emotional, when you get flooded with emotions, when you get racing thoughts, you don’t know what to do. So you just go all in, ripping people’s heads off, blowing up, impulsive explosive anger, scary stuff. People walk on eggshells around you or growing up you experienced a lot of rage and anger by others around you and it terrified the heck out of you, so you never want to say what’s on your mind. You never want to share your emotions because you don’t want to get confronted because you got a fear of confrontation. Do you really think those two ways people that they just fight with everyone, argue with everyone, or people that avoid conflict by all costs is just like a personality trait? You think it’s like, “oh that’s just the way they are,”? No, no, something happened, potentially adverse childhood experiences growing up. But who am I to think that? Our childhood connects to our present. It’s okay my friends, I’m telling you this. If you experience that stuff it’s not a death sentence. If anything it makes you stronger, it shows you who not to be, what not to be, how to not treat other people, and it kind of encourages you to heal. So you can actually go do more of the good stuff rather than the bad stuff.
Lou, I don’t know how old you are. Do you want to tell us how old you are, if that’s okay with you? Because the question if you’re here feel free to write a little question I know you’re from YouTube so I don’t really know who you are but I’ll gladly help you if you could tell me how old you are. I would be able to help you a little bit more because I could be more specific to tell you about your parents, a parents divorce in general, okay? So I’ll look for your comment and I’ll make sure I answer for you. Yeah I have a feeling I know how old this individual is going to be but I do think that. Yeah, okay, perfect, okay. Can you listen right now and just be patient and everybody else just be patient so I can answer this young person’s question? So first and foremost, I want you to know that I’m sorry that you’re going through a challenging situation in life. If this is something that’s happening to you or someone you love, it could be a time that’s scary, it could be a time that’s full of fear, it could be a time that you’re confused, and maybe nobody’s sharing with you what’s going on. But I do want you to hear one thing from me. I know you don’t know me and I know that you probably don’t even trust me but I want you to hear one thing. That parents going through any type of separation or divorce, it is not your fault, okay? And what happens is adolescence and when I asked you how old you are I was going to guess you’re between the ages of 11 and 16 and in adolescence, in that stage of your life the child or the young adult or the young adolescent thinks that everything in their life has to do with them. But I’m telling you as a professional therapist that’s been doing this for a long time – it has nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with you. It has to do with their own world, their own experience. So something that you’re doing right now is very powerful and very mature of you to be able to come on a stage like this and share about an experience you’re having because you don’t have to go through this thing alone. You don’t have to go through this thing alone. So when you say that your parents argue every day on who will take me and I cry under my pillow, needs to be walked on, that’s not true, that’s not true. I’m not going to lie to you. The next stage of the relationship with all this stuff’s going to be difficult, it’s going to be challenging, but one thing you got to do is keep talking about your emotions the way you’re doing it right now. I know it doesn’t seem like it’s solving anything but it’s letting you process and get these thoughts out. And sometimes if there’s no one to talk to grab a pen and paper and just write out as much as you can about these thoughts and feelings and emotions you’re going through. And just know that the actions of other people, the decisions other people make, does not impact your self worth. I’m going to give you an example right now that I haven’t used in a long time. This is really good too and look at this. You can love both your parents so if both your parents are not in a good place of loving each other right now as Eileen said right now, you have the right Lou, you have the right to love them individually, any way you want. You don’t have to feel bad about loving mom or loving dad more or less. You can love them any way you want and you’re right with that. But I’m going to tell you something and I got move on to the next thing. But I know you’re only 16 and you’re going through a specific situation. This channel is good for you. Go watch some of these videos and see if you can find something that helps. But I’m going to tell you this because you said you feel like a piece of dirt that needs to be walked on okay? If I had a $20 bill in my hand right now okay if I was holding a $20 bill let’s just say a $100 bill Lou that you’re you’re a $100 bill, if I’m holding a $100 bill in my hand right now and I tell you, “do you want this $100 bill?” You’re gonna say “yeah I do” and I say “okay, why do you want it?” and you say “because it’s a $100 bill.” If I grab the $100 bill and I put it into a little ball and I say, “do you want this $100 bill Lou?” and you say, “yeah, I want it,” and I say, “why do you want it?” You’re like “it’s still a $100 bill.” If I grab the $100 bill and I put it on the ground and I step on it and I step on it and I step on it and crumble it and crumble it and crumble it and then say “do you want this $100 bill?” you say “yeah, I want this $100 bill.” I say why? You say “because it’s still a $100 bill.” So listen to this. You are going to go through times in life that you’re going to feel like you got folded, you’re going to feel like you got crumpled and in your words you’re going to feel like you got stepped on but it does not change the value that you have as a human being. You will always have the same value. And I know this is a lot to hear right now and I know you just want a normal family as you call it, and I wish I could just gift that to you, but unfortunately I can’t and that’s okay. Just know that you have value. You’re mature beyond your years for showing up to a channel like this and just sharing your truth. Keep coming back and keep talking to us. There’s a group here that would definitely support you. I hope that helped by the way, I hope that helped you.
And the last couple ones that I have here is let’s just go with the last one. Let’s see, actually let’s look at the comments. Dang, this is all my life. This talk seems really dead on and super heavy but I appreciate the encouraging words. That gives me some hope to fixing things in more over time. Yeah, this is for you Lou by the way – she said you’re a courageous soul and will be a more compassionate person because of this experience. I know it’s hard to get all that because that’s not what you want to hear but but there’s a lot of truth to those words. Really appreciate everything you do for us. You give people hope that there are people out there that care. Yeah man, there’s a lot of people out there that care and that’s kind of what we forget sometimes in society. We think that everybody is out there for their own self and you know why we think that? Potentially we experience some stuff in life that distorts our reality.
But the very last one here that I have I’ll probably skipped a few but that’s okay. I just knew this stuff was a little bit more important than my agenda today. But the last one says (well, I misspelled it. Let me fix the spelling. That’s gonna drive me nuts.) If you’ve experienced childhood trauma, parental separation, divorce, abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, neglect, all that stuff, if you experience it in your past and you don’t do something about it today, it’s going to suck. It’s going to hurt. But the worst part is it’s going to continue to repeat itself in the future over and over and over again until you say I no longer want to live with this pain. I want to heal. I want to recover, and I want to transform. And if and when that day comes for you like Eileen just shared with young Lou, our 16-year-old courageous friend, that we will all become a more compassionate person as a result of it. And people that have a lot of compassion tend to do compassionate things and treat themselves and others compassionately and make the world a more compassionate place. So if it wasn’t for all of us trauma survivors and people that have endured a lot in life maybe the compassion of the world would be a little bit less.
And with that, I love and appreciate all of you guys. I will see you back two weeks from now. Next week I’m going to be with my parents on a little mini vacation, so I love and appreciate all you guys. Take care, bye everyone!