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Leadership in Recovery

Alright it says we are live. Like I say every week I will exercise my trusting abilities and take its word for it. Welcome back to another family education and support group that is intended to hopefully add some value to your weekend or whenever you choose to watch this. But if you are here live it is February 17th of 2024 and it’s something that we do all the time. So we got one person there and by the way, like when for example she popped up and said “what’s up?” I can post your comments, your questions. This is interactive so if there’s anything that you want me to slow down on or anything you want me to elaborate on we can go from there. We got Jessica here in the house, yeah, Katalin, people popping on, they say good morning, we kind of start the community, we get the the vibe right, we get the setting right, and the beauty of it is that we do this together with the intention of providing some little nuggets of wisdom, information, knowledge that are intended to kind of help you get to where you’re trying to get to in life. So we got Mom and Dad which is always good to see and that’s okay I don’t care where you watch it from, whether it’s YouTube or it’s Facebook. And Tyler, there you are man, good stuff, happy to see that! I’m not going to say Hi to everyone that pops up right now because I want to do a quick introduction and kind of let you know what we do here.

My name is Parham. I do this each and every single Saturday from about 9:15 AM to 10 AM Pacific Standard Time. So if you’re in Hawaii please adjust and adapt but it’s something that we’ve been doing for about four years. So if you go to our YouTube live videos and go back you’ll see the various forms of myself and different haircuts and different aesthetics and looks and styles and backgrounds (I’m just working with a wall now). But it’s intended for anyone who firsthand or secondhand has experienced any type of pain as a result of addictions, mental illness, trauma, or grief and loss, if you are just looking for just a few minutes of hope and inspiration to be able to help you shift your perspective you’re in the right place. And like I said, the community is really cool – it’s from all over the United States, sometimes a few people from different parts of the world even pop on.

Today we’re talking about this thing called leadership and you’re like, “wait a second man, they told me to come watch this because I have a problem with drugs or alcohol, or my loved one is struggling with drugs and alcohol. This guy’s talking about leadership. I don’t want to learn about leadership.” Well, in reality I strongly suggest you consider this talk because all people including myself need it. 

Quickly, I am a licensed therapist so I have a master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy. I am a licensed Addiction Specialist. I am in recovery myself too. For those of you who care, June 13th of 2008 is the day that I kind of pivoted and changed my life around, and lived free from all types of addictive substances, and really improved my mental health. I teach Community College – you know, I’m in the process of building my class out right now. I coach high school basketball and I am an avid pickleball player. Next week’s talk should be probably from a hotel somewhere in Arizona where I’m competing but I say all that because I do have the personal and professional background to talk to this audience on this channel. It’s not just like some random guy that likes to hear himself talk, even though I do, but the words I say and the content I present is curated in a way that will help you in your recovery. So leadership is a big component of it and you might be thinking, “man, like I have nobody to lead in life.” Well, look in the mirror – there is one. When you stand in front of the mirror you see a reflection. How well do you lead that human being to where it is that they got to go? Do you just hope and pray and wish that reflection turns into something that’s amazing? Or just ends up in a great destination? Without leading them that reflection is a byproduct of who you are, and what you do, and how you lead. So let’s get into it.

There’s this book called the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, written by someone way more smarter than I am. Mr John C Maxwell, if you ever watch this, Mr John C Maxwell, I want you to know you’ve made an impact in my life, but you probably won’t because you got like five million people in the world doing a talk about something that you’ve written. But you know, you never know. I like to take his content and his work and he loves when people do this – he loves when people create out of his creations, and I apply it to this journey of life through the recovery process. I believe that all aspects of leadership can be applied to us human beings in our day-to-day lives and everything we do. So I’m going to go through and kind of share with you 10 of these laws. We can’t do 21 of them because we will be here for a little bit longer than you would hope to be, and a little bit too long for me to miss my pickleball practice after this. But what happens is this. Let’s get to it. 

1. Number one, the Law of the Lid. So you will never grow beyond your limitations that are imposed by society or yourself as long as you put limitations on who you are and what you’re capable of accomplishing and achieving in life. You will never transcend beyond those limitations – that is the lid. Your recovery will never transcend beyond a specific experience because it has a lid on it. I always talk a lot of smack on social media – you know they’re unfortunately abusing the endless squirrels and how it could impact somebody’s progress in life. I was going through one of these myself because once in a while you find some good stuff and I came across this little short video that I thought was awesome, and it really highlights the law of the lid, so I want to share it with you guys. And here is what the law of the lid says in this video. So it was this guy, he got a jar, and in that jar he had a bunch of fleas, and the jar didn’t have a lid on it. And what was happening was, these fleas were jumping up really really high. The fleas, believe it or not, for their size actually are one of the highest jumping things on this entire planet, and they would just fly out and jump out and jump out and jump out and then he put a lid on it and now the fleas are jumping and what’s happening is, they’re hitting the lid and coming back down and hitting the lid and coming back down. And eventually these started to reproduce and have children and guess what happened when they took off the lid? The children of these fleas, when they would jump, they would only jump to the level of the lid. How fascinating is that? Something that never existed before now was a barrier and prevented them from their full potential. Wow, what kind of lids have you or society put on your life? How is it preventing you from reaching your full potential? Sorry for comparing us to fleas but this analogy is amazing. There are people that are marginalized, there are people who are living in disadvantageous situations that have been closed off with lids, whether through their own self or society, and multi-generationally over and over again, they’re unable to transcend and reach their full potential. See, it ain’t about the person. Sometimes it’s about the lid. So if you know you have a lid on your progress in life please find out who put it there, when it was put there, take it off and reach that potential. It’s a beautiful thing. Whoever popped up right now, you know we got a few more people hustling, good morning!

2. So the next one that we have here my friends, is called the Law of Process. Alright, we recover daily, not in a day. See, that’s the whole thing about a process. A lot of people, they are outcome-driven, they just seek a specific outcome. But true change and true growth happens in the process that you go through in order to get to the destination. We always hear “it’s about the journey, not the destination.” The same thing with recovery – your leadership skills, your ability to grow in different areas, it doesn’t just happen. If anything, it barely feels like it’s happening until you arrive at a destination and look back and see how far you have come. People rarely see their changes on a day-to-day basis. If you went to the gym, if you haven’t been going to the gym, or working out, and you feel like you’re out of shape, and you feel like you got a few extra pounds to lose, and you feel like you’re just not in a good place, and say you know what today is the day I’m gonna get back. And you get up and you put your shoes on and you go to the gym and you work out and you huff and puff and you lift some weights and you come back home and you look at yourself in the mirror and guess what? Nothing has changed. And if you say, “you know what? I’m going to go back tomorrow,” and you work out and you go to the gym and you huff and puff and you work out and you come back home and your muscles are sore and you look at yourself in the mirror nothing has changed. And you go again, nothing has changed, and you go again, nothing has changed. And you might say that this going to the gym thing doesn’t work but if you did that for 30 days, for 60 days, for 90 days, you will start to see, despite the nothing-changing on a day-to-day basis, actual changes in that reflection, actual changes in the way your clothes fit, actual changes in the way your mind works, actual changes in the way you feel about yourself. Change happens daily, not in a day. If you can internalize that message you will have the keys to transformation. How bad do you want to transform? I don’t know. Hope you do. 

I like this one too. “You can tell where a person is headed by watching their daily habits.” You know, if you told me what your habits are on a day-to-day basis, when you woke up, what you did, what you do next, and what you do next, and what you do next, including on Saturdays and Sundays, not just when you’re going to work every day, I could tell you exactly where you’re headed. You might say, “that’s really condescending or that’s really making a lot of assumptions. You have no idea where I’m headed in life, man.” Habits don’t lie. If a person has a significant amount of bad dietary habits it don’t take a rocket scientist to say that your panels and your cholesterol and your body weight and your sugar levels and your arteries are going to become compromised. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to say that. Our daily habits create something and what I really like here is that it doesn’t matter where you hope you will end up. Every road has a destination. I’m going to say this one on the camera because I need you to hear this. It doesn’t matter where you hope that you will end up because every single road in life has a destination. The road you are on right now, despite the hope or desire of getting somewhere, has a destination. Now it matters what road you’re on, right? It matters how your daily habits are because that’s the road. So if there’s a specific place that you’re trying to end up in and you ain’t on that road, hope doesn’t mean nothing, because you won’t get there. And I’m just letting you, right now proactively know, preemptively know, so when you get there you’re not disappointed. No, there is no wrong time to make a detour. You know, some of the best things in life happen when we make detours. Me sitting here is a byproduct of a detour I made 15-16 years ago. A small shift in direction that led me to a completely different destination. With sailboats you can’t control the wind but you can set your sails. Small, incremental changes in degrees can have you going from one destination to a completely different one – doesn’t have to take something profound and big. Small changes. And like I say every week and there’s a reason I say it every week, because we have built-in forgetters and we forget the simple things in life – that your direction is more important than your speed. Just be in the right direction, have the right daily habits, have the right mindset, and if you do so you will arrive somewhere that’s pretty freaking awesome. My hope in doing these talks every week is that you get inspired enough to have the motivation to go on that journey. 

If there’s any questions, thoughts, feedback, I am open to it, or else I will gladly hear myself talk for the next 30 minutes.

3. The next one we have is something called The Law of Addition. Okay so here’s what the law of addition says. You, my friends, are either a plus or a minus in the lives of others. You either add to the lives and the quality of the lives of other human beings or you subtract from the lives and the quality of the lives of those people. Now I understand that we are not just one-dimensional, and we have professional lives, and we have personal lives, but the goal is to be in the plus column in both those areas. There are people that are wonderful at what they do at work, they’re influential at their organizations, they’re hard workers, they add to the organization, they’re pluses, they’re valuable. When they sit at their end-of-year reviews, their manager or the owner says, “you know what, you are a great resource to this organization.” However, when they go home that same person doesn’t show up, they are a minus in their personal life. Oftentimes because they are too tired, oftentimes because they think that because they were a plus somewhere else that they don’t need to be a plus anywhere else. They provide, they do what they have to do, but you know what, tell that to a seven-year-old child that’s waiting for the plus to come home, and the minus keeps coming home. Which one’s more important? That’s a choice. It’s a choice I can’t make for you. But the goal is to be a plus in the lives, both personally and professionally. You know leaders add value man, you got to add value. So when you look at yourself in the mirror do you add value to that reflection? When you look at the people that you lead in your life, whether it’s your family or at work, do you add value? 90% of leaders that do, they add value by being intentional and deliberate about adding value. So for example, you go look back at four years of me doing this, at least I’ve been doing these talks on Saturdays for a decade, but literally for four years I’ve been doing it you know and here’s what happened. I’m sitting back, Covid happens, we’re like “Ah, I can’t connect with people, I can’t talk to people,” and we take it to social media and take it to Facebook and YouTube and I don’t care if there’s two people watching man, or 20 people watching, I don’t care if I’m talking to the screen by myself. I’m intentional and deliberate with trying to add value to the lives of others. When you have to carve out a specific time on a Saturday it doesn’t just happen. Everything I do around it revolves around the intention and deliberation of doing this. And I do this, you know, if you’re ever local in town, I know some of you have been coming. This last Tuesday we had over 30 people in there – it’s a family education support group. It’s what I do here but in person. I do it every week myself on Tuesdays from 6:30 to 8:00 pm. If you are in the Orange County area I strongly advise you to come down and check it out. It’s always free of charge. The group participants, if you’re watching this, give me a little shout out. There is no angle or sell – it’s just a matter of adding value. I’m intentional and deliberate with it.

Ola cousin! My cousin’s been living in Cabo for like – I don’t know 20 years I’m assuming, maybe less, maybe more. And his wife got a really cool flower shop out there. So if you’re ever visiting Cabo San Lucas on a birthday or an anniversary or a wedding or something hit them up, ask for the Parham special. Sorry dude, I don’t even know what that means, but you know he’s been there for 20 years and he’s learned one Spanish word which is Ola. So he’s a slow learner but direction is more important than speed. Thank you, Katalin, I’m glad that I add value. I mean, it’s the intention so can you imagine if I had the intention to add value but I didn’t? Every week, I don’t think you guys would be coming back. So let’s see what we got there. 

4. We have the next one my friends, is this thing called The Law of Respect. So everybody wants to be respected and a lot of us have felt disrespected in life. And respect is one of those things that’s really important, you know. It’s like even the Italian mafia puts respect as one of the highest elements of their belief system. So even gangsters believe in respect, and I think all human beings understand what that is. But I’m telling you this – until you look in the mirror and respect the reflection looking back at you, good luck trying to have other people respect you. Good luck trying to respect other people. It all starts with self. It all starts in that exercise with that mirror in front of you three feet away. Do you respect that reflection looking back at you? Because if you don’t you’re going to start seeking it and searching for it and constantly being disappointed. When the world does not respect your reflection why should they, and why would they? You see, I wish that all human beings can just go out and freely respect each other. I really, really do, because life is already hard enough. But I believe on the same token that respect is one of those things that needs to be earned on some level. Not in a hard way you know, if you show up and you’re a hard worker and you’re committed and you got some good values and you’re just a good decent human being, I believe that’s good enough to be respected. But if you’re not doing all those and you just want respect because you feel like it’s owed to you, I’d really look and see where that thought process comes from, and just explore the possibility of it being a fallacy, or being faulty. Respect is earned and when you are able to gain the respect here are the things that are important when they respect you as a person. You’ll start to be admired and it’s like, “well, I don’t want to be admired.” Admiration doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. I can admire many different qualities and characters of other people and not put them on a pedestal. Just like admiring like, “wow, that person is such a good speaker,” admiring, “that person is such a good friend,” admiring the fact that person is so loyal, admiring the fact that person is so caring – it’s not a bad thing. So when you are respected people will start… when you demonstrate and ooze respect people start to admire you, admire at least some qualities and characteristics that you have when you’re respected as a friend. People start caring for you. We always want the people to care for us and sometimes some people that come from disadvantageous upbringings and situations that were just tough, and no one cared for them, they walk around the world just begging, hoping somebody just cares for them. Become a respectful person first, become a respectful friend, be a good friend, and see what happens. But you’re like, “nope, I want someone to be a good friend first,” you know and that’s such limited thinking, self-imposed limits. And when they respect you as a leader they will follow you. When you look at yourself in the mirror and you respect that reflection man, you’re going to follow that person everywhere. You’re gonna follow that journey. No respect, no influence, no ability to lead. By the way, when you do things and say things that are disrespectful to yourself and others what happens is what do you expect from the world to do, a person that cannot respect themselves, their body, their mind, the people around them? When somebody constantly, constantly, constantly disrespects opportunities and chances do you really think the world just shows up? I mean Hossein Jan said, “Unconditional respect for myself is the foundation of my success in life,” and that’s it man, and I’m really glad that you said it for yourself. You didn’t say unconditional respect for the world. Because I don’t believe that we need to unconditionally respect things that are overtly and innately disrespectful. When people are out there doing harm and people are out there lying, cheating and stealing, I have zero desire to respect them. Now, I can care for them compassionately as a human being but I don’t have to respect the choices they’re making, and I sure as heck don’t have to respect the consequences of those choices. So I’m glad it’s unconditional respect for yourself – that’s a good way to put it.

5. The next one we have is this thing called The Law of Magnetism. Now, some of you that are from the old school are going to think this is some hippie pippy stuff and you’re going to think this is some hocus pocus stuff because you don’t believe in that kind of stuff, but oh my goodness, is this law real! The law of magnetism: “What you seek in life is seeking you.” A poet named Rumi said that. The law of magnetism is so real. Who you are is who and what you will attract. There is reality to the fact that our thoughts become things. There is truth to the fact that everything in life that you look around and see has been created twice. Once inside the mind and once inside of reality. When you see things in your mind, when you see them clearly, you have a vision, you conceptualize them, and then you take the action to make those dreams become reality. That’s how things are created. Thoughts become things. What you think becomes your reality. And you might not believe that and you might not want to believe that but I’m telling you, there’s truth to it. And it’s not just something I’m saying because that’s what I feel. For thousands of years, societies of various backgrounds have come to the same freaking conclusion. You know, your world is a reflection of who you are and how you think. You ready for this? Wayne Dyer, way more smarter than I am said, “Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world.” Same world. You ever wondered how we all live in this floating, flying rock in this vast endless universe in a galaxy that also has 50 million other planets in it? But we only know like eight or nine of them. You ever wonder how we see the world so differently? It ain’t about the world. It’s about who we are and how we perceive it. You know, your life has been your life and you have a perception towards all the experiences you’ve had. What if I told you, not all those are the absolute truth? Oftentimes we create stories and we create narratives based on things that actually happened to us as a child or an adolescent and then we might be a grown man or woman still believing that everything we thought of when we were children is the absolute truth. And anytime you catch yourself in that, I challenge you to go have a heart-to-heart 30 minute conversation with a 10-year-old, and ask them all the deep questions about life, and what they think, and what you should do about your relationships, and what you should do about your mental health, and what you should do about your life choices. Afterwards when you start chuckling inside and laughing about how innocent and funny and ridiculous their responses are, I hope you consider that if you don’t realize that potentially some of the decisions that you have been making in life, and are making in life, and some of the ways that you go about your life, are not based in who you are right now, but based in the stories and assumptions and mind of a child that was wounded one day, and you believe certain things about the world and others, you might change your mode of operating. You might realize you haven’t been the pilot and it’s about time to take the wheel, you know to take flight. 

 

What’s up, Marilyn? Shout out to you! And because she says shout out to everyone so I’m everyone too. I just want to say Hi.

6. The next one we have is the Law of Connection, which is kind of cool. John Maxwell coined this next phrase which I really respect, and he says, “You can never touch a heart until you’ve connected to a hand.” You know, good leaders in life never ask for a hand until they’ve touched the heart. If you look at yourself in the mirror and that’s the reflection that you’re trying to lead in your life and you’re telling it to do X Y and Z and no matter what you do it doesn’t respond, no matter how much you tell yourself to go do this and do that, and do this, but you keep failing to accomplish your goals, did you ever stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, you have to touch the heart first? You have to look at that mirror and say, “you know what, I forgive you for everything that’s happened to you. I forgive you for your journey and I want to let you know that I have empathy for you. I want to let you know that if the world doesn’t see you or hear you or feel you or understand I do.” When you connect to yourself and you touch the heart of yourself then you can ask yourself to do anything in life. Because guess what, there’s a better chance you’re going to follow through. Don’t ask yourself to do things when you have anger and guilt and shame towards your reflection. You really think they’re going to do it. If you ever wonder why sometimes you tell your loved ones in addiction and mental illness recovery to go do something, they don’t do it? They look at you like this and say, “okay, okay, okay,” and then five minutes later they just, that was like in one ear and out the other. I don’t know, it’s a Saturday morning, coffee has kicked in officially, man. Connection is a big thing and you must connect with people before you call them into action. I’ve never told anybody at Buckeye to ever do anything without making sure that they understand that I care first. No staff member, I’m not going to ask them to do a lecture. I’m not going to ask them to do a talk. I’m not going to ask them to even freaking lock up the building, without them knowing that I care about them first. You know, that’s a good rule of thumb, there we go. 

 

Scott D, hey, good to see you, man! This is someone who’s been able to transform his life. I’m not going to go into details but let’s say I’ve known Scott D would go back to 2016. Man, good to see you, man! If you like that go get the book, Scott. Get it on audio books – I think it’ll be probably the easiest way just to drive and listen. A law of connection, man it’s pretty cool, you know, it’s pretty cool that I’m still connected to you. Believe it or not, I remember little details about the stories we shared in that little room, Counselor Jim’s in that room now. He’s not here today but I’m not in that office no more, but I’m still in the same place.

7. Okay, the Law of Victory. Oh here comes the coach in me. We got to talk a little bit about victory and here’s what it means in this context. You got to find a way to win. You have to find a way to win and you might say, “well, hey I don’t care about winning and losing that much.” Self-imposed limitations will only allow you to have a life that is just bland and you might say, “I’m not competitive.” That’s okay, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I don’t care if this person wins or loses in life. I’m not that competitive.” Really, if you don’t care that you don’t win or lose in your own life, do you actually think anybody else will? Oh yeah, because everybody in life is just rooting for you to win? All they’re thinking about is your ability to succeed? Man, no, they’re not. Nobody cares if you don’t care about winning and losing in life. Nobody else is going to care if you don’t care about that reflection in the mirror winning in their life. They won’t. And now it becomes important to identify what winning is. The beauty of it is there is no definition. It’s what it is for you. What winning for me might not be winning for you, and what winning for you might not be winning for me, but you have to identify it and then do everything in your power to accomplish that stated goal. Winning is subjective, I get it, no judgment at all. Winning for some people might be just to have the most amazing beautiful connected experience with their family and their community and that’s it, they’re okay. That’s wonderful, but make sure you win. Winning for some people might be a certain status or job or academic goal or living in a certain place, or doing a certain thing. Whatever it is I don’t care, just go win and when you win make sure that you stop to acknowledge the fact that you just won. Because winning, achieving small milestones and victories, gains a little bit of momentum. And like I said, it’s subjective. So also the most important part, in my opinion at least, when we’re talking about winning and losing is to find victories in defeats. I mean, if you could do that then you’re on to something. Because I like this really awesome definition of success, and it said how one person can go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm in between. Wow, I mean, that’s it – how can I go from one failure to another failure, without ever losing any enthusiasm in between? Because that’s where it happens. Because after every failure are the most amount of opportunities to win in your life. After every breakdown there’s an opportunity and a possibility for a breakthrough. Embrace it. But some people see setbacks, perceive defeat as like, “oh I knew I couldn’t do it. There’s no point of even trying.” Self-imposed limitations. Those people that do the things they want to do they’re just okay with failing, but because they’ve hacked into something they realize that in order to gain victory you must go through defeat. You must. It’s the only way sometimes people learn, that sometimes people don’t. That’s okay.

What does Scotty say here? Oh sweet! Man, “what is the difference between absolute wanting to win and absolute trying our best without worrying about the outcome? Please clarify.” Well, if it matters, if it’s process-driven or outcome-driven. So for example, I believe that a person who tries their best – so if you do your best mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, regardless of the outcome you have absolutely won. It’s a mindset, and I say this to the kids I coach sports. If you walk off that court or walk off the field of life knowing that you’ve done everything that you potentially, possibly could to hopefully get an absolute win but you fall short it’s still an absolute win. Because at the end of the day that’s all we got. However losing is not only just losing but walking off the field or the court of life knowing that you didn’t give it your all. So the scoreboard doesn’t even matter – it’s what you did in that process that matters. So hopefully that clarification helped. And always doing your best is the best we can do. And it’s not comparing your best with someone else’s best, ever comparing your best with your own best – it’s the constant pursuit of one’s own quest to become the best version of themselves. That’s victory. If you do that good things happen. But unfortunately, people watch the scoreboard. People see the zero to the one and they think they failed, not knowing that sometimes that zero could have been their best performance. So hopefully that helped, and thank you for the question and asking to clarify. I appreciate that.

8. Okay, where we at? Few more… Law of Empowerment. The main ingredient in empowerment is the belief in people. So when you look at yourself in the mirror you must believe in that reflection, man. Because like I said earlier, if you don’t believe in him or her, who else is? Maybe your mom, maybe your dad, maybe your family, but the only reason they believe in it by the way, is because you happen to share the same last name as them. And because they’ve seen your potential, they believe in your potential. But outside of that who else is going to believe in you, if you don’t believe in yourself? I believe in you, but this is kind of my passion. I believe in the possibility of human transformation. It’s not even about you. I just believe that all human beings can transform, even the ones that society says, “not him, not her.” I’ve seen enough hims and hers transform to not believe that stupid thing society says. So you must believe in yourself and how do you help people reach their potential? This is important for family members, if you’re watching this, wondering how the heck am I going to help my kid reach their potential? Three things. Number one, if you can give them access to resources. I’m not saying money, resources for help, resources for change, resources for transformation. Number two, give them responsibility – the more you take responsibility for the lives of others the more they will not be able to take responsibility for their own lives. We people, when we choose to carry them, the most strong healthy able-bodied human beings, when carried all the time, will eventually become crippled and unable to function and use their limbs to do the things they have to do, unable to use their mind to think, unable to use their body to move, unable to use their life to live. So give them respect, responsibility, and lastly give them autonomy. Autonomy means the freedom to make a choice – that’s what it means. And sometimes people say, “well, I don’t know but I just don’t trust their decision-making.” Eventually, people have to be autonomous in their decisions and as a family member, you got to let him do it but here’s the catch. And this is what family members don’t know how to do, or afraid to do. Remember this, that people are free to make any choice they want in life but they’re not free of the consequences of those choices. So if your loved one makes some choices that have natural consequences, negative consequences, let them go through it. Because if they don’t learn that lesson that every action has a reaction then they will never understand the reaction their actions are having. And it’s not a cold thing to do to somebody, it’s not a callous thing to do to somebody, it’s the right thing to do for people to allow them to understand that in this thing we call life, if I choose to do something, I am also choosing the consequences that come with it. By the way, not all reactions in life or consequences in life are negative. If I go to the gym and eat well all the time the consequence of that is going to be good markers in my blood levels, in a good physical healthy body. If I choose to drink alcohol and do drugs all the time the consequences of that could be legal, financial, physical. We’re okay when the person gets the positive consequences but of the negative ones I got to save them from it. Well, you can continue to be a hero in the life of someone else and realize that that person’s life is completely shattering. I wouldn’t say this if your kid was young but once they become adults just be mindful of how you potentially might be crippling those that you carry. 

9. There is Law of Priorities. I’m almost done here. So remember this, that if you want to take the person that you see in the mirror, if you want to lead the person you see in the mirror and you do so without having priorities in life, of knowing what is the most important things that you have to accomplish that day, that week, that month, that year, and you just go with the flow and kind of just ebb and flow with the way that the waves and the wind and the air moves, just know you are floating to Destination Nowhere. I’m not saying you have to live in a rigid box and have so much structure that you have no freedom or spontaneity. I’m not saying that. But you must prioritize what is important, or what is important will be lost in the midst of life. Most successful people I know prioritize the living heck out of their life, the things that are most important to them. You will know what it is. You look at the way they live their life, you look at how they carry themselves, you look at how they speak, you know what’s important to them. And if you ever leave a conversation not knowing what’s important to somebody there is a really really good feeling that they don’t prioritize anything. So are you productive, or are you busy? Completely different things. Productivity does not equal busyness. I could show you people that do one thing or two things a day, completely to the end, very productive, and I can show you people to do 50 things in a day, the human doings, and at the end of the day they sit down and didn’t accomplish anything. Are you productive or are you busy?

10. The very last one that I have is the Law of Timing. This is important. Time and place are two of the most important factors to accomplishing anything. If I told you guys, “hey, after this talk I’ll see you at Starbucks,” and we get off and you say, “oh my God, I didn’t ask them what Starbucks, and what time.” Okay, so time and place is important. But if I say, “I’ll see you at the Starbucks over there on Pacific Coast Highway,” and I leave you go to the Starbucks Pacific Coast Highway, you don’t know what time I’m coming. Time is important. Or if I say “I’ll see you at Starbucks at 1:30,” but I don’t tell you which one you got one out of couple hundred thousand of them to pick from but you might find it eventually. Timing is important, my friends. In the time when you look at yourself in the mirror, the place in which you look at yourself in the mirror, I believe the timing is right for you to begin leading that reflection to a life that you want to live. The timing is right, the time is now. It is the right time, it is the right place. You are the right person. Look at yourself in the mirror and make a decision in your heart first. Because you can’t call for action until you touch a heart. Make a decision in your heart first, then take it to your mind and visualize it, because everything in life is made twice – once inside the mind and once inside reality. Make a commitment to lead that reflection to where he or she not only deserves to go but needs to go for themselves and the lives of others. If you do that I will feel eternally repaid, and if you don’t there’s absolutely nothing I could do about it. Because I have learned one thing, that no matter what I do or what I say or how I say it people do what they want to do, when they want to do it, and all I could do is stay committed and consistent and continue to deliver the messages of hope, love and recovery that I do. 

I love and appreciate all of you. What a cool talk this was! Feel free to share this with anybody who you think might find some value or benefit from it, and I’ll see you next week. Adios! I learned that from my cousin too. Adios! He’s got Ola and Adios. Bye, guys!

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Are you in recovery but not making progress? Recovery is not only possible but attainable, and it all begins with reaching out for assistance. By addressing both addiction and mental health issues, individuals can break free from the cycle of despair and embark on a path to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Contact Buckeye Recovery Network today and initiate your journey to recovery and improved mental health. Our dedicated team of professionals is here to guide and support you every step of the way.

Today is going to be the best day of your life.

Kelsey Gearhart

Director of Business Development

Kelsey carries multiple years of experience working in the substance abuse and mental health treatment field. Her passion for this field comes from her personally knowing recovery from addiction.

Prior to Buckeye she held titles of Recovery Coach, Operations Director, and Admissions Director. Kelsey was brought on at Buckeye Recovery as the Director of Business Development. She has a passion for ensuring every individual gets the help that they need, and does so by developing relationships with other providers.

Kelsey also oversees our women’s sober living environments – The Chadwick House for Women. She is committed to creating a safe, nurturing, and conducive environment for all women that walk through the doors of Chadwick.