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Stand Tall with Pride

We can learn to stand tall from trees. Most people that come into recovery, this is how they appear. There’s shame, there’s guilt, there’s physical pain. There is no self-esteem, confidence and why should there be? I mean one definition of self-esteem is doing esteemable acts and not many people do that many esteemable acts when they’re out there using and drinking. So as a default they don’t stand tall, but you look at trees and you see how they stand tall and even the ones that don’t stand perfectly tall are still standing perfectly tall for themselves. Like I got this cactus and this cactus is like this, instead of like this. It’s like this but damn, it’s so perfect because it’s standing as tall as it could. And what happens is through the process of recovery, through the process of applying some of this stuff, we begin to develop self-esteem, self worth, identifying our values, looking in mirrors and liking the reflection, helping out human beings and feeling like we’re a part of this greater scheme of life. And as a result you start to sit a little taller, start to stand a little taller and that’s my hope for people to learn from trees. They all stand pretty tall they none of them are perfect.

Shed the Weight of Shame

By the way, I highly doubt you can actually go get a perfectly straight tree. That’s something we’ll talk about here in a second but the one about the next one is about this thing called winter dormancy. It’s just called rest. We talked about the different seasons with trees and when winter comes around there’s a lot of snow happening in most places. There is a lot of just rainfall water weight and these branches they just can’t handle anymore. So it’s got to shed everything it has to get as light as possible. It has to eliminate everything that’s unnecessary and yes sometimes what’s unnecessary at some point is necessary. Like in the spring those green leaves are needed for the life of the tree, for the oxygen we breathe, but in the winter time you just got to let go of it. Some of you are going through winters of your life right now. I know it’s almost the summer but some of you are going through winters and you got to have some type of rest, you got to have some type of strategy and plan to be able to endure the heaviness of the life. And rest doesn’t always happen. We’re not going to hybernation – we’re not bears, we’re humans, a little bit different animal. We don’t need to go sleep for two three months and pop out and just be like, “Yo, I’m ready for life,” but every day you got to make sure you’re putting some rest in there. Every week some rest in there. Because life is tough, man. Without rest we struggle.

How to Forgive Someone who Passed Away?

Now if someone has hurt you sexual or physical trauma and they have since passed away how do you go about forgiving them? This one’s tough because here’s the thing I always talk about. There’s a distinction between fault and responsibility. For those of you who heard me talk before I’m sorry but this is a new question for this group of people. There are often many things in life that are not our fault. For example, someone that was hurt sexually or physically I’m not going to ever tell somebody that’s your freaking fault. That’s the definition of someone that got wounded by the hands of another human being. And now especially you add another layer to that – if that person was a child I’m never going to sit and say it’s that person’s fault, never even like remotely hint at it. Because it’s categorically false and not true. Now that child or that person has moved forward in life, adolescence, adulthood, and now they’re starting to have challenges and issues in their own life because of the wounds of the past. They can’t trust other people, they’re afraid of intimacy, they’re afraid of vulnerability, they’re getting in relationships where somehow they’re recreating the same unfortunate life situations again. And the person that harmed them 5, 10, 15 years ago is no longer on this planet.

It’s Not your Fault but you can Heal from it

So here’s the thing and this is a tough pill to swallow for this person that’s experienced this. Even though the harm, the violence, the assault, the sexual nature of it was not that person’s fault, that human being right now in this moment is actually responsible for healing from it. Please hear me. I did not say they’re responsible for what happened. It’s someone else’s fault and shame on them. But now that wounded soul is responsible for the work they have to do to heal from it. One of those things is to be able to work through that. I’m not going to say you have to forgive them. I’m not going to say you have to forget it. I’m not going to say you have to accept it. I don’t know what that looks like for the individual but it’s to work through that.

How Oprah Overcame Trauma

And if you think that’s not possible my strong suggestion to many people is to go read the autobiography of Oprah Winfrey. Please read her early developmental years of childhood adolescence. Please notice what she endured physically and sexually by the hands of multiple human beings, some very close to her family. Please understand what that person went through, then you look at who that person has become in life. The empowerment, the way that the helping of community, societies, the altruism, the good person that a lot of us have a connotation with. So if it’s possible for her it’s possible for you. And also I’ve worked with some people through the domestic violence world and some of the strongest humans I’ve ever met in my life are those who have endured physical or sexual abuse. Once they work through it they stand in front of crowds with pride, tall, talking with direct communication, assertive. No one’s taking their power away.

A Powerful Tool to Forgive Someone

It’s not easy to do. I’m not going to say you can just be like, “I forgive them for what they’ve done.” But the problem here is if you don’t find a way to work through it you will continue to be held hostage to something that happened years ago. And guess what? It’s going to impact your future for years to come. So if you choose your future over your past you got to find a way to process through it. A powerful tool for healing pain from someone who has passed away is writing a letter to them and then write a letter to you from that person with the words that would help heal. It’s when the person’s ready to do that and it’s a letter and they passed away, so you can write whatever the hell you want in it. Don’t hold back and just get out all your emotions and feelings. Tell them what they’ve done to you, how they’ve impacted you, how they’ve harmed you, and then what happens is whenever you’re ready you receive the letter from that person from yourself to that person. And that person can write you back some stuff and sometimes hearing what you need to hear is a very nice way to get a different perspective. It’s a good tool. People got to be ready for it but I would I would stand by that, especially if there was no trauma and abuse. If it’s someone you just missed that just passed away it’s so healing to do that.

Call Buckeye Recovery Today!

Are you in recovery but not making progress? Recovery is not only possible but attainable, and it all begins with reaching out for assistance. By addressing both addiction and mental health issues, individuals can break free from the cycle of despair and embark on a path to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Contact Buckeye Recovery Network today and initiate your journey to recovery and improved mental health. Our dedicated team of professionals is here to guide and support you every step of the way.

Today is going to be the best day of your life.

Kelsey Gearhart

Director of Business Development

Kelsey carries multiple years of experience working in the substance abuse and mental health treatment field. Her passion for this field comes from her personally knowing recovery from addiction.

Prior to Buckeye she held titles of Recovery Coach, Operations Director, and Admissions Director. Kelsey was brought on at Buckeye Recovery as the Director of Business Development. She has a passion for ensuring every individual gets the help that they need, and does so by developing relationships with other providers.

Kelsey also oversees our women’s sober living environments – The Chadwick House for Women. She is committed to creating a safe, nurturing, and conducive environment for all women that walk through the doors of Chadwick.