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Think and Grow Rich

What is up, everyone? Happy Saturday, December 2nd of 2023! Oh my goodness, we’re in the last month of the year, the home stretch. What a year it’s been! Oh wow! You know we’ve had some good moments, we’ve had some difficult moments, we’ve had some really difficult moments, but when it’s all said and done the days pass, the weeks pass, the months pass, the years pass, and all we really have left is what type of an experience, what type of a learning opportunity, what type of a growth potential have we gained for ourselves and those around us. So welcome to the family education and support group. My name is Parham. This is an interactive live talk so you’ll be able to see that. For example, Miss Danielle, what’s up Danielle? Hamid Jaan, Kenny and the crew over there at Pacific Sands! When you guys say something or write something I can pull it up. I could pull up questions, I could do all that stuff to make it nice and interactive for us. There’s a lot of people traveling for the holidays so it probably won’t be our usual crowd. I’m a little bit – I don’t know if it’s under the weather or I’ve lost my voice as a result of intensity, when it comes to life and basketball and all that stuff and coaching. But I will do my best to give a stellar performance. If I fail to meet your standards today I will make up for it in an upcoming week. We do have a basketball game today later in the day so it didn’t conflict with this. I’m able to be here with you guys. 

 

And just a reminder for anyone that’s local, starting December 19th, so two Tuesdays from this week, where we will start back up my personal family education support group. That’s a free community resource, live, in person, 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. every Tuesday, completely free of charge. And that’s not a selling point. It’s not like a gimmick to get you in. It’s always free of charge and I love doing it so much. And we start it back up again December 19th.

 

So a few things about myself as we wait for people to trickle in, and what the purpose of these talks are. Like I said, my name is Parham. I have a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy with an emphasis in Child Development. I am a Licensed Alcohol and Drug and Addictions Behaviors Processes Counselor. I am in personal recovery myself. June 13th of 2008 is the day that I changed my life around and I’m forever grateful for that. I do coach high school basketball. I’m on the faculty of Saddleback College to teach a college class. I’m an avid pickleball player – I just competed in the PPA on Thursday and got second place in a very high division for me which is something that I’m proud of. And most importantly, I’m dedicated to the possibility of human transformation. I believe that all human beings including myself have the ability to transform who we are, how we live, what we do in any given moment that we choose to do. 

 

Today’s talk is going to be really good for those of you who are the type of humans that want to change your life around year over year but despite your express intention you fail to follow through with what your set goals are. So how is this going to help you? It’s going to go by using a book that’s been used for years and years and years and years since 1937 by some notable human beings who have achieved certain levels of status, certain levels of prestige, certain levels of wealth. And by the way I will never talk about wealth as something as cheap as money associated with it. I don’t think the richer you are the wealthier you are. I think the richer you are in mind, body, spirit, soul, the healthier you are, the more you’re engaged in your passions, and you’re engaged with connected relationships, with people who matter, not people who don’t, you are a wealthy human being. So the reason I like to do this right now is because I know that many of our listeners here, many of our society as a whole, they’re going to go through the holidays like, “Well I can’t change my life in the holidays because it’s the holiday season and it’s too hard so I’m going to wait till January 1 to do so.” That’s cool, I don’t care, I don’t judge you, I don’t care if you wait till whenever you want to wait to but if you want January 1st in 2024 to work out the way you want it to work out, I’m telling you that it won’t happen just by making a resolution. I’m not going to bore you with the statistics that will prove indisputably that New Year’s resolutions don’t work. Okay, I’ll give you a little statistic – 90% of New Year’s resolutions are blown up after the second week. Two weeks – that’s all it takes to break the human will of something that they want to do. So we’re going to go through with this book that I am very passionate about. I’m going to see if I can go into Present mode. Let’s see if I could do this – share screen, window, entire screen. I think you guys should be able to see this. 

 

I know the whole thing by heart I’ll just tell you guys. So there is a book that was written in 1937. That book is called Think and Grow Rich. Let me pull it up for myself on my notes. Give me one second my peeps. Think and Grow Rich. I’m almost there, I’m almost there. Sorry about that. I was prepared and by the way I’m not gonna admit to myself that I potentially might be getting sick, that’s not gonna happen. So Think and Grow Rich, like I said was written in 1937 and the whole premise of it is, whatever the mind of a man can conceive and believe then it can achieve. So what this book does is – by the way, it sold over 120 million copies so if you don’t want to take my word for it take the other 119,999,999 people who bought this book. It is the fifth or sixth all time selling book when it comes to personal development. In that book the author studied 500 people that were ultra rich and he found out what the heck all these people have in common that they’re able to accomplish and achieve what they have accomplished and achieved in their life. Most notably it was Andrew Carnegie, which I don’t care what you think of him as a businessman, what he did, what he didn’t do, if he screwed people over or if he didn’t. It was in the year 1901 and the guy was worth $480 million that is equivalent to $320 billion today, so that is equivalent to Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and all those guys. So the other notable people that were inside this book that were all studied and they all had the same thing in common were Henry Ford – we know about the Fords. We know about the Wrigleys. We know about Thomas Edison. We know about Teddy Roosevelt. We know about Charles Schwab – you got a bank named after you, an investment company named after you. We know about John D Rockefeller. So in this book they talk about something called the six steps to riches. Now I believe that most people – when I say most people I’m talking about most people only do like the first step of this thing and that’s why they don’t achieve it. So today we’re going to talk about the six steps to riches, and again riches could mean money, it could mean a career, it could mean a loving safe healthy healing relationship, it could mean physical health, it could mean emotional health, it could mean a combination of all of them. So when we get to this talk I’m doing it right now for you guys to be able to set yourself up for success in 2024 and not be a statistic of all those people who say, “this year I’m going to cut out sweets for the whole year.” No you’re not. “This year I’m going to lose 100 pounds,” and you just say it like that. No you’re not. “This year I’m gonna make $36,000 more.” No you’re not. But I believe that this year you can change your dietary habits, I believe that this year you can change and lose however much weight you want, I believe this year you can increase your salary or your income by x amount, I believe this year you can obtain and maintain your sobriety. For all of those who keep relapsing you can do it if you apply this. I wouldn’t be sitting here with a raspy voice, I wouldn’t be sitting here with a potentially sick throat if I didn’t believe in this. I could have just said, “yo, no meeting today, see you guys some other time,” but I don’t want to wait another day to share this with you. I don’t want to wait another day to plant this seed in your mind to help you succeed in 2024.

 

So what are the six steps to riches, my friends?

 

#1. Determine what you want to accomplish. What do you want to achieve? Determine what your desire is, determine it. And you must be so specific that you know when you have achieved it. For example, if someone says in 2024 I want to lose some weight and at the end of 2024 they lost two pounds, well guess what? You said your desire was to lose weight – you lost two pounds – you lost weight. But then you’re like, “no no, that’s not what I meant. I meant I wanted to lose 60 lbs.” Well then say you want to lose 60 pounds. Someone says, “this year I want to be sober this year,” and 100 of the days of the year they’re sober, 265 of it, they’re relapsing and they say that’s not what they wanted. Well say “I want to be sober 365 days this year.” Somebody says “I want more money this year.” At the end of the year they got $2 more in their pocket and well you asked, “you got $2 more in your pocket,” you’re like “no man, I wanted $30,000 more in my pocket.” Be specific with it. Somebody says “I want to be in a relationship this year,” and at the end of the year they’re in a relationship with someone that’s toxic, abusive, dismissive and they say that’s not what I wanted. Well say “I want to be in a relationship with someone that’s loving, kind, compassionate.” So it is also important that you’re emotionally engaged with that goal. Here’s the reason why. Life is going to go in different directions all day long, all week long, all month long, all year long. If you are not emotionally connected to what it is you want to accomplish when life takes you in different directions you will eject, you will jump ship, you will abort, you will just jump off, you’ll get over it. The more you’re emotionally invested in it the more chances you have to withhold the craziness that you will endure and experience in your life. So your desire for the end result must be strong enough to motivate you to do what you know you need to do even when you don’t want to do it. And by the way I want you guys to know this and and hopefully those of you who’ve been watching me for a long time and if you’ve never seen these videos go to our YouTube or our Facebook there’s over three years, coming up on four years, of videos of these type of talks and I’m telling you this. Everything I’ve accomplished in my life from being an Iranian immigrant with not that much personal wealth or money or resources to becoming a business owner or a partner – I might be a major minority partner, I only might have a small stake in something but I’m a business owner of a company I have been able to see seriously exceed when it comes to educational and professional goals. I had nothing. 25 years old, I just had some couple years of scattered school, 25 years I didn’t get a bachelors till I was 29, I didn’t get a masters till I was 32. 40 years old I didn’t have any of that stuff to becoming a coach that was able to go 29 and 0 in one season, 29 wins zero losses, to being able to right now becoming a very avid pickleball enthusiast. I know you might laugh at that but here’s the thing – I have no experience into this and now I’m playing and competing in high level tournaments and I’m getting medals in all of them. All of these examples I’m giving you have to do with the fact that I’ve applied everything I’m about to teach you in this and it works. So whether you believe me or don’t believe me that’s up to you but you know who I am and what I’m all about so I wouldn’t put out something that I don’t truly believe in. So number one, determine what it is you want to achieve and be specific about it. Someone says, “I want to go back to school this year,” and they go back to school and take one class. Like “no no, I wanted to finish a whole semester.” Well, don’t say “I want to go back to school.” Say “I want to finish a semester of school.” Be specific. People are so scared of being specific because they always think what if I don’t make it? What if I fail? If you’re not specific you’re not going to make it anyways so at least be specific.

 

By the way, like I said this is interactive so when Jaleh says good morning, Katalin says good morning, my mom and dad, I got to hang out with them on my 40th birthday. That was very sweet and special. They made me something that’s really cool. Let me see I don’t know where I put it right now. Is it under here, I think I put it downstairs. They made me a really cool gift. Bita Joon! So you guys can ask questions too by the way, and if you want to talk off topic you can too. But that’s number one.

 

#2 is very very important. So number one first you got to say what is that I want and you want to be specific with it. Number two, what are you willing or need to give up for that desire? What are you willing and need to give up for your stated desire? Here’s the thing my friends. Nothing worthwhile comes without a price. Nothing worthwhile comes without a price. 

 

I gotta give a shout out right here. So this one, this man, Ryan Khosravi is my cousin Hamid. He lives with his beautiful wife and their little family out there with a couple kids, but mostly dogs right now, because the kids are a little older in Cabo San Lucas. And he actually, believe it or not, he might not even know it but he does everything I’m teaching here right now. They got a thriving little flower shop business over there and they’re living a really good life and really proud of them and he checks in with me every morning since my brother’s passed away to make sure I’m doing alright and it’s a nice little thing. But Ola, cousin Ola, my Spanish – well he doesn’t even speak Spanish – he’s been living in Cabo for 20 years and he barely speaks Spanish so maybe you should work on that cuz. 

 

But pretty much what we’re doing here is nothing in life that’s worthwhile comes without a price. The prices in life are things like your time, you might have to pay some time, and you might have to pay a little bit of money, you might have to change habit, change your lifestyle, so then you say what changes in my life do I need to make in order to achieve my desired goal? So if you say I want to lose 50 pounds this year, a pound a week, you must say I am willing to give up the foods I’ve been eating except for maybe one day a week. You must be willing to learn about calories and macronutrients and you must be willing to learn about the impact that these things have on the body, you must be willing to change the way that you move your body on a daily basis. And some people might say “well I just want to lose the weight but I don’t know if I want to do all that,” then you’re not going to lose the weight. Some people say “this year I want to make $20,000 more,” but they’re not willing to give up their Amazon, they’re not willing to give up their morning Starbucks, they’re not willing to give up the convenience store energy drinks. I don’t know what you’re willing to give up but the fastest way to give yourself a raise is to stop spending. The best way to save money is to save money before you spend money, not spend money and then save what’s left over. Some people might say, “this year I want to be sober,” but they’re not willing to give up going to the bar to watch the game, or they’re not willing to give up friends that use substances. Some people say they want to be in a loving, safe, nurturing relationship but they’re not willing to give up the toxic ex, they’re not willing to give up the people that treat them like dirt. I don’t know what you’re willing or not willing to give up, it’s none of my business, but I’m telling you step two of making your 2024 good is first identifying what it is you want and being specific with it. Number two, saying what I will give up in order to achieve that. You see, in life if you continue doing what you are doing you will continue getting what it is you’re getting so sit back and look at it. If you don’t like what you’re getting you got to change what you’re doing, you got to change how you’re doing it, you got to be willing to make sacrifices, you got to be willing to pay something, to give something to get something. You might have to give your time, you might have to wake up two hours earlier. Are you willing to? Are you willing to wake up when the alarm clock says wake up? Or are you going to snooze the ____ out of that thing, and just say “I was too tired man, it was too cold.” Are you willing to give up something to get something? Some people are, some people aren’t. I don’t know why, I don’t even care, but that’s the truth.

 

#3 – The next one is to set a specific date for when you want to achieve that goal. Why is that important? Jim just said something: Hey what’s up Jim? Sorry I haven’t been feeling good the past couple days but Jim says, “If you want something you’ve never had, you have to do some stuff you’ve never done.” Amen, my brother. And that’s what people don’t want to do. They don’t want to do the new stuff but they want the new stuff. It’s like how delusional are we? How can you get something you don’t have by doing something you ain’t doing? So also you want to set a timeline to work with you as you develop your plan. Why are timelines important? Because we do well when there are deadlines, timelines. Everything we accomplish in life needs some type of date and people say, “well, if I put the date it causes too much pressure.” I think without the date it causes no pressure. Too much pressure is better than no pressure at all. With no pressure you know what we do? We sit back and take our comfort zone to the limit. When there is no time, no date, no nothing, no set timeline, what do we do? We just coast. Nobody’s ever coasted to the top of the mountain – you got to climb. You got to have a deadline, you gotta have dates. My crazy goal of becoming a professional senior which means 50 and over professional pickleball player that tours the country is a 10 year goal. My goal to get a master’s degree when I had no college education was a seven-year goal. My goal to transform my body from a healthy guy to someone that’s really fit was a one-year goal. You’re just not going to do it in 30 days. Set a New Year’s resolution for yourself and set an unrealistic one with an unrealistic timeline and get discouraged and disappointed because you’re not going to meet your goals. Feel free to be realistic. Set a realistic time. A goal is a dream with a deadline. We got a dream but you got to put deadlines on it. We show up differently when there’s a time crunch. I mean there’s a quote that says, “Thank God for the last minute because without it I’d never get anything done.” We do good with that stuff. Human beings do well under pressure, we really do, but we don’t like giving ourselves pressure because we’re scared of it. And I like this other quote I’m going to share with you guys. It says, “People overestimate what they can do in a day or a month, and severely underestimate what they can do in a year or a decade.” We think “oh we’re gonna get to it, I’ll get to it, I’ll be all right,” and then a week, a day goes by, a month goes by, they’re not anywhere near it. But if they would have continued consistently for another few months or a year they’ll not only accomplish what it is they were striving for or wanting to accomplish, they’ll exceed it. Don’t underestimate what you can do in a year or a decade my friends – it’s transformative, it’s powerful and yes, the goal my friends, must be manageable and timely. It must be something you can manage and handle and it must have a time requirement on it. 

 

#4 – It says you got to start developing your plan and you got to begin at once, whether you’re ready or not. See, most human beings say I’m gonna start tomorrow. They subscribe to something called the just-for-tomorrow program and when tomorrow comes what do they do is they say “ah I’ll get to it tomorrow,” and the tomorrow comes and they say “I’ll get to it tomorrow.” Tomorrow never comes. The only time to take action in life is today. Today is all we got. In the program when it comes with people with recovery and trying to abstain from drugs and alcohol we live this thing called the Just-For-Today program. It has nothing to do with recovery, my friends – it’s about life. Just for today I will do X Y and Z and when tomorrow comes, you do just for today I’m going to do it. Just for today, that just for tomorrow program is for people that don’t accomplish anything. That just for today program is for the people that not only accomplish their goals but by consistently doing just for today they accomplish beyond their wildest dreams, beyond anything they can conceptualize. And please do not wait for everything to be perfect to start. It’s never going to be perfect. There is no such thing. People that do things do it despite of their circumstances. People that do things do it despite of their readiness. People that do things do it because they want to do it, they have a desire to do it, they have a clear understanding of what it is. My perfectionism really got in the way growing up. I mean, my nickname as a child was Mr Perfect. My nickname as a child was Mr Perfect so if I couldn’t do something perfectly I was like “I’m not even going to do this thing,” and it was a copout. It was a way for me to give up on my goals and dreams and ambitions. But then I learned something in this book called The Spirituality of Imperfection – you know what I learned – I learned that perfect is the enemy of good enough and sometimes in life, good enough is good enough. Perfect is the enemy of good enough. Stop trying to be perfect and just do things good enough. Good enough will get you to where you need to get to and you can and will make adjustments to the plan as you move forward. Nothing’s perfect – you might come up with a plan and all of a sudden life hits you a curveball, like I got hit this year, my family got hit this year. You lose somebody unexpectedly. You go through life challenges. Do you just give up and say, “well, you know it was too hard?” No man, you adjust, you set the sails. Remember in previous talks I told you guys that direction is more important than speed? See when you’re out on a sailboat, what do you have no control over? You have no control over the wind, the direction of the wind, where it comes from, how it comes, where it goes, but you know what you have control over? The set of the sails, the direction you set your sails. It gives you the opportunity to get to where you’re trying to get to in life.

 

#5 And number five, and this is where I believe a good portion of human beings that even buy this book fall off. So the book is called Think and Grow Rich. It gives you the six steps for riches. We’ve talked about the first four – what is your desire, what is it that you really want in life? Number two – what are you willing to give up and sacrifice for that state of desire? Number three – set a timeline – a goal without a timeline is just a wish. You know who makes wishes? Kids – they close their eyes, they blow a candle and they make a wish. Let’s live a little bit beyond that. Number four – create a plan, and just know that plan could be revised or adjusted as needed. And number five where everyone falls off – you have to write a clear and concise statement – what is it you want, what are you willing to give up, what steps are you willing to take to achieve your plan, what is the timeline – you write it down on a 3×5 card or a 4×6 card. Write it out and then what? So you have it written on the card – why do you do this? So you can reference it until you have it memorized. I’m going to give you some examples. I want to lose 50 pounds this year. I’m willing to give up some sleep so I can wake up in the morning and exercise. I’m willing to give up some of the poor caloric low nutrient foods, some of the habits that I have of eating on the couch at night, some of the habits that I have of just not eating all day and binging. And you know, two days good, two days bad, I’m willing to give up sodas, replacing it with water. I’m willing to give 365 days to this plan and I want to you know that I want to walk three days a week. I want to lift weights two days a week. I want to make sure that I’m spending time in my self-care, and maybe one day a week I want to indulge and allow myself to eat the things I want to eat. You write that card out and/or you say, “This year I want to achieve 365 days of sobriety. I’m willing to give up the people, places and things that threaten my sobriety. I’m willing to give up going to my previous comfort zones and lifestyle habits. I’m willing to give up listening to my cravings and my triggers and talking to somebody about what I am going to do. I’m going to go to some meetings, I’m going to work some steps, I’m going to work with a therapist, I’m going to journal, I’m gonna pause when I’m agitated or doubtful, I’m not going to give my power to other people, I’m going to work through my resentments. Or this year I want to make X amount of money. What am I willing to give up? I’m willing to give up my afternoons of binge watching Netflix and maybe getting a secondary part-time job in a place that I’m passionate about. I’m willing to stop spending $300 to $500 a month in convenience stores and energy drinks and all that kind of crap. I’m willing to give up X, Y and Z. You write it all out. You write it all out. Maybe I want to have a loving relationship with someone who’s healthy and safe. I’m willing to give up toxic people, toxic exes. I’m willing to give up my codependency patterns. I’m willing to give up whatever the timeline I have is for the entire year. What else is it that I want? Maybe I’m gonna invest in myself, get to know myself, make peace with myself, love myself, so I can be the person that can attract the person I want in life. Here CJ said something – what did she say? She says, “Sean has his memorized from nine years ago and hasn’t changed exactly but if you shoot for the moon you land among the stars.” And actually Sean, who I’ve known for a long time is the person that turned me on to this book, so sometimes the student becomes the teacher and now the teacher is becoming the student and all that kind of stuff. He showed me this book and I applied it and in doing so, I was able to become all those things I told you. Isn’t that powerful?

 

#6 – And so the last one is where I think everybody falls off. You want to know why? Because we have this thing of, we want to look good and we don’t want to look bad and we don’t want to be embarrassed. Here’s what you’re supposed to do once you have that card written out and hopefully memorized. Twice a day, one time in the morning and one time at night, you stand in front of the mirror and you read it to yourself with intensity of emotion. You read it with yourself in a way that you believe it. And what happens out of that is the following. You do it in the morning, you do it at night, you do it in the morning, you do it at night, you do it in the morning, and all of the sudden it becomes a part of your conscious mind. It goes from the subconscious to conscious – it becomes a guiding force that everything you do will lead to that destination. You must believe it in your mind – you have to see it. You have to visualize it, you have to see that success, that version of yourself that you want to be. You have to see it and the more crystallized that vision becomes the more tangible it becomes, the more real it becomes. You know those things that they talk about, the manifestation or the secret? Some of you might think that’s hocus pocus, that’s new age, that’s aggressive stuff. No, it’s not. It’s rooted in reality because people who do it succeed. Jim Carrey, before he was Jim Carrey, wrote himself a check, an absurd amount of money on it and one day when he became who he became and he had that same check in his hand it wasn’t a surprise to him, because he already saw it. I know in my little pickleball journey we always tease about how I’ve seen myself where it is that I will be. Now does seeing it by itself do it? No, you got to get up and do the work, you got to grind, but you got to repeat this over and over again and do it as often as you can, even if it’s a few minutes. So what happens in this whole scenario that I told you right now is the last part of writing a clear and concise statement and then reading it to yourselves. Nobody does that – I always tell people to do it. You want to know why they don’t do it? They say it makes them feel goofy or they’re embarrassed to do it. If you’re embarrassed to read to yourself what it is you want to accomplish you’re not going to be able to accomplish it. If the feeling of embarrassment of a mirror in a bathroom overwhelms you and it’s too hard the steps you have to do to get there are just not even important, you’re not going to be able to do it. So if you’re willing to do that, my friends, maybe you will be able to accomplish some of your goals in 2024.

 

Go buy this book – it’s super cheap. If you’re okay with audiobooks in a very old boring man narrating it go get it. I did it that way. I love this book and it also has the causes of failure in it which you’ll be able to identify with. And there’s a quote in the book that I want to read with you guys right now. Sorry one second sorry one second got a little crazy pup here. Okay, so I read this to our basketball kids and I’ll read it to you and then we’ll get out of here. So it says, “If you think you are beaten you are. If you think you dare not you don’t. If you like to win but you think you can’t it is almost certain you won’t. If you think you’ll lose you’re lost. For out in the world we find success begins with a fellow’s will. It’s all in the state of mind. If you think you’re outclassed you are. You’ve got to think high to rise. You’ve got to be sure of yourself before you can ever win a prize. Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.” I’m telling you, if you don’t think you can accomplish your goals you can’t, so begin planting the seed that you’ve already accomplished it. Follow the steps I shared today for 2024 and see what happens. Here’s the thing – have you tried the traditional New Year’s resolution for the past four or five decades of your life without success? If the answer is yes, let’s try something different. Why are we so afraid of change? Why are we so afraid of trying something when someone like me is telling you it works? I don’t get paid if you go buy the book Think and Grow Rich but you know what? I believe in the possibility of human transformation and I believe you can transform too. So all that being said, I think I got to stop. My throat’s just killing me from all this talking. I love and appreciate all of you. I will be back next week. Let’s get to it. Thank you, I appreciate you, sorry you’ve seen this so many times but it works, I gotta tell you and we’ll get together soon and go from there. Okay everyone, have a wonderful, wonderful weekend! Take care of yourselves and I will see you soon. Bye, my friends!

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Kelsey Gearhart

Director of Business Development

Kelsey carries multiple years of experience working in the substance abuse and mental health treatment field. Her passion for this field comes from her personally knowing recovery from addiction.

Prior to Buckeye she held titles of Recovery Coach, Operations Director, and Admissions Director. Kelsey was brought on at Buckeye Recovery as the Director of Business Development. She has a passion for ensuring every individual gets the help that they need, and does so by developing relationships with other providers.

Kelsey also oversees our women’s sober living environments – The Chadwick House for Women. She is committed to creating a safe, nurturing, and conducive environment for all women that walk through the doors of Chadwick.