You are the most important person in your recovery. I know for some of you codependents, you’re like, “nope, my kids are the most important. As long as my kids are okay then I’m going to be okay, as long as my spouse is okay I’m okay. I live for them, I breathe for them.” I don’t know, it sounds dramatic. It’s not reality. The only way you’re going to be okay is if you’re okay, the only way you’re going to be able to take care of those who you love is if you take care of yourself. It’s not like some weird Roman sacrifice that like, “oh, as long as my child is happy then I am happy.” Really? What happened before you had a kid, before you had a child? This is a serious question. I’m completely pivoting right now because when people say those kinds of things it makes me sad, and it makes me curious. So let’s say there’s a super codependent mom or dad and says, “as long as my child, or my son, my daughter, whatever my, is happy then I’m happy, I can sleep well at night.” Okay, fair enough, what did you do and what brought you happiness and joy before your child existed? If your happiness is contingent on the happiness of another person that’s been in your life way less than half of your life it really makes me curious to know what you did prior to that.
Your happiness, my friends, must be contingent on your happiness, on your own mental health and well-being. Now yes, if my mom or dad are happy or they’re doing well, does that make me happy? Absolutely! If your loved one is doing great, should that make you happy? Yes but it’s not contingent on it. It’s not a one for one. It’s not that this is the only way I’m happy. That’s highly, highly, highly dysfunctional for people to believe those kinds of things, because it puts you in a very vulnerable state. Because if they go through a little journey of their own and they kind of get dysregulated and they go off the path that means you’re going off the path too. And then what happens to all of your life responsibilities, your priorities, your health?
Invest in Yourself
So the VIP means that you are the most important person in your recovery, and by the way the more you invest in yourself the more you’re actually going to be able to be there for your loved one if and when they need it. So many of you have put the needs of others above yourselves for so long and when will you stop? I know there’s like this martyr-like honor, humility thing of, “I’m just going to put others above me,” and this and that, but come on, put yourself first. If you don’t want to do it forever just how about this? For the first year of your recovery put yourself first and be selfish. See, as soon as I say selfish, people say, “well, selfish is not good.” That means you’re coming up with some random definition of what selfish means, of like a kid that has toys and doesn’t want to share them. We’re talking higher level here – be selfish about the fact that you’re trying to regain something that’s been lost, stolen or destroyed. Imagine the most valuable thing in your life just got lost. Would you just sit back and start helping other people out? No man, you’re going to start looking for it. Imagine you have a $20,000 piece of jewelry that just got lost and your kid says, “hey, can you help me with something?” You’re like, “No no no, I have to find this, I need to find this. I’ll help you when I’m done.”
Now here’s the thing. You’ve lost connection to yourself and instead of looking for it you go help other people look for theirs, and guess what? Subconsciously people do that because it keeps them away from doing their own work. It’s easier to go help over there because then I don’t have to look over here.
Rewrite your Own Story
I will tell you all this right now, straight up.
You are not who your past tells you that you are.
You are not your addiction.
You are not your loved ones’ addiction.
You are not your mental illness.
You are not your loved one’s mental illness.
You are not your trauma or the trauma of others.
You are not grief and loss.
You are anything and everything that is possible to become the moment that you choose to rewrite your story.
Next Chapter can be Different
Everything in life is nothing but chapters of a freaking book. Everything in life is just chapters, man. Here’s what I mean. You ready for this? On March 25th of this year there’s an eight-week course starting at Saddleback Community College. I will be teaching a class every Thursday from 9 to 11:50. I just got my foot in. It’s my first college class I’ve ever taught. It’s called HS 177 Family Dynamics. Now I want to rewind the tape back to when I was… I’m 40 years old right now, so I want to rewind it back to when I was 20 years old. I made it to college and eventually from college I dropped out, got kicked out, academic probation. So I was a college dropout, okay – I want you to catch that real quick – I was a college dropout. I got lost, and I was using drugs and alcohol at copious amounts. So if you would have asked me at the age of 21 I would have set up a college dropout that’s addicted to drugs, that’s who I was, and I’m telling you to rewrite your story because check this out. The same community college that I went to then and there is the same community college that I am a professor at now, starting in March.
We are anything and everything we choose to become.
See, that was just a chapter, but if you believe the chapter, if you believe the chapters of your life is all you ever will be then you will never become anything else.The beauty of this whole freaking thing is the fact that we can rewrite our stories. If you don’t believe it exists for yourself or your loved ones that’s not anything besides a mindset problem, in operating out of fear. So just know that you can rewrite your story.
Our Stories can Change day to day
If you had a bad day yesterday, rewrite the story, have a good day today. Rewriting our story is powerful but only if you choose not to believe the previous versions are the only version to go. It’s a powerful thing.
I don’t know what it’s going to take for people to realize that you are not your story, you are not your past, you’re anything and everything you want to be. And the only way you can rewrite your story by the way, is when you regain connection to yourself. The author of your story has to come from a place of connection that is achieved through the recovery process. You can’t rewrite the story when you’re lost, you can’t rewrite the story when you’re disconnected. It’s impossible.
Call Buckeye Recovery Today!
Are you in recovery but not making progress? Recovery is not only possible but attainable, and it all begins with reaching out for assistance. By addressing both addiction and mental health issues, individuals can break free from the cycle of despair and embark on a path to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Contact Buckeye Recovery Network today and initiate your journey to recovery and improved mental health. Our dedicated team of professionals is here to guide and support you every step of the way.